I find my self longing, yet having already lost. Stumbled, defeated, beaten. Yet I stand again with determination.
Will I fall again? I wonder and think of vile pains.
What use is one without the other?
Once a time of happiness, turned to a time of sorrow....
Where not even pain resides any more.
Confusion and uncertainty astound me.
I pray for my own sake... To change and want to change, to repent in honesty.
If temptation is removed, how can it truly be an end to it?
Emotion can brew, feelings arouse. Loneliness can be blinding, yet how to endure endless sorrow?
Not by following instinct, not by going in ether direction... Shall I sink like a rock in water?
I know not what to do... My course lays a head of me, but alas I only can see an arms reach ahead of the path.
Others are more fortunite, many have the freedom. Still more have the chance of hopes joyful deliverance.
The pain is gone, in it's place it leaves some thing worse. With it comes the stench of anguish .
Hope is truly a two edged sword, to lead one through perseverance or into drowning in the mud.
Is realization better then pain? Yes in a way... One can stop hurting and see things for what they really are... Sick in the head and collapsed from torment.
I must correct my self, yet find my self flying to distraction quickly and with ease... When I should be most resolute.
A fight in which I stand, as if alone but yet not really alone..
There is one who stands with me, even if I do not fully understand..
One who feels the blisters of my indiscretions. The face, I can't bare to see... For what pain I must have caused.
Forgiveness is one of the universes greatest inventions but one must really straighten the course before ye can find it.
The road that I must take,is one I now know I must. But I do not know if I can keep my self on the path I must follow.
It is so easy, to be so sure of my self now. But when the time comes, will I crumble or be crushed under the weight of my own feelings?
Only time with tell, and I pray for the redemption of my soul.
The in purities must be burnt away, even if I must ripe them away with my bare hands. It is better to use an eye, then to be ruined. To lose an arm rather then to be destroyed forever.
I've got to put my own foot on the path, it is not one that I may be led in. But one that I must walk in order to find my way back. No one can place me on it, I must come to it if I am to follow it. Not of duty or requirement, but of free will.. To choose it. I can not have it chosen for me, I need to be the one who starts, not the one to cooperate.
-- The tormented mumblings of a mad man.