My minds self checks are starting to question my remaining sanity, I'm not sure how to take that. As positive, that my head has self checks for it, or as a negative that I'm questioning my sanity :-S. What is sanity anyway, but a reality measure, of how far we've been pushed?
The last few weeks, it's like being inside of an egg beater, or being an egg thrown back and forth between ping-pong rackets, because I won't break apart. I've been trying to keep a log of things, today I can add bits of dizzy to it, fuck, remind me not to look out windows while cleaning them.
I'm going out of my skull. With the amount I'm sleeping, I'm spending more time thinking, hell it's almost as much as I used to spend training. What was it my time added up to back then, about 40-45 hours a week? That's a lot of stuffing to contain. Am I even making sense?
Driving felt like a piece of my brain missing, still the only higher order thoughts it demands is keeping things on the pavement and in the right lane. So many years in 'mech and air sims has most of it down to a level of breathing, that's how hard driving is, normally.
Heads going ape, I'm not stable. planning to rip things apart, down to rearranging furnature ffs. My intentions to work myself until i finally pass out.