Evidence that Windows NT is in fact, the most annoying operating system when it comes to USB, or that me, USB, and Microsoft just don't mix well += 1.
So, for the day I've been rather perturbed that about every ten minutes or so, Rimuru makes the USB enumeration sounds.
Running Device Manager in "Devices by connection" mode allows me to obtain a decent tree view of USB things. Fucking with cables like a mad man allows using the process of elimination to determine what the actual fuck device or port causes this.
Interesting to me, after process of elimination across all ports on my motherboard's Intel controller and the twin ports on my ASMedia controller, I've figured out something interesting about my new Anker hub.
When connected to the ASMedia (directly or extension) the onboard network port shows up as Unknown USB Device (Device Descriptor Request Failed). Likewise, if you insert a memory card into either card slot, no driver letter appears, and it starts making USB enumeration sounds like a mother fucker. Looks like two ports on an NS1081 USB flash card controller judging by the device manager but doesn't work. Connect something to the Gigabit port and it does not even light up past the hubs power up cycle. This is true even if nothing is connected to the hub's USB ports, so that it's a straight shot to the controller's C port and as minimal a downstream power draw as physically possible (i.e., only the hub's power LED, network port or sd port).
By contrast, connect the hub to my motherboard's front USB-C port and instead of Unknown USB Device (Device Descriptor Request Failed) that entry becomes a typical AIX based USB Ethernet port. Didn't try the card slots when connected to the Intel controller, but I imagine they would work in that configuration.
So, this boils down to when connected to the Intel controller the hub works just fine and when connected to the ASMedia controller, the bridge chips on the hub don't work.
Also, by contrast if I swap in one of the HooToo USB-C hubs that are so ubiquitous on Amazon, it just works fine regardless of which USB controller it is connected to.
Yeah. Pretty much by down, I don't really care which vendor is the problem child here. Fuck'em all.