All I see around me is hatred, anger, and cruelty…
This is not of me, but of the world that surrounds me.
I was once asked, “Will you be kind or will you be cruel?”
I had asked it of myself, and I chose not to be cruel…
There is little anger left in me, I do not wish to hate,
and I can not bear to be like that which surrounds me.
Man doesn’t live by bread alone, yet how we live on.
Even when there is nothing left but emptiness.
Just that same pain and sorrow
Just that same blackness of night
As they lash out at the nearest targets
I have gone thousands of miles for you out of love,
yet you could not go but one mile for my sake?
“Am I nothing more then an tool?”
Ends can never completely justify their means.
I have shouldered more then my fair share of things,
yet if I stop acting as they strike around me
I am surrounded with a fury… Stricken without regard, with no logic.
I fear, like a wild beast they will descend upon me
To the slightest sign of weakness, like wolfs unto fresh blood.
I will not be capitulated by the actions that causes my refusal.
And I am beatend down for it, even if I refuse in silent.
Only my GOD sees the cuts and scares across my heart
HE’s the one that walks beside me, pulling the blades from my sides.
HE sees what no one else sees, what even they do not see.

Once I sought a reason to live, it lay close at hand.
My memories haunt me, fore I have nothing else but memories.
Of what once was, of what may have been.
Even that has deserted me, I have but one strength..
The flesh is able but the spirit is weak LORD,
Oh how I long to feel again, even just for a moment…
That which was lost; did it truly exist?
My heart twisted, my guts rended, my mind cut.
for what ends?
To that sorrowful fate as the waves came crashing down
No one else by my side, set a drift across a river of pain.
YOU were there when I washed up on the other shore.
The ones that sent me, long gone…
I think I once may have known what it was.
Perhaps I was not meant to find it,
perhaps I am but a fool..
But there is only so much I can bear LORD, I don’t have your strength.

You are like the mountains, strong and unchangeable.
I, like the worm whither and frail in the winds that come.
Nothing to lose but my future,
nothing to gain but a moments pleasure
That bitter sweet memory of what once was.
I once had a dream, but it is gone from me.

I didst fall into that trap, like a fly to the web.
Only to be ripped apart by the creature that lay within.
Yet I could not bring myself to leave, for that sorrowful fate…
That lay behind me.
Of what was, and what may have been.
Tis’ nothing more then to haunt me.
I let it go, I can’t hold on to it any longer.
Yet, I stand still…
I draw the breath you give me,
but what more is there for me?
How much longer can I endure…
YOU endured so much for me, how can I not continue?
LORD keep my feet moving along the path
Direct them along the right road
I no longer know my course
Be it to my destruction or my salvation
Lead the way, I have nothing left to fear.

— The world around me, myself, March 2008.

Some how I find the current track in my playlist ironic…