Feeling old, angry, and depressed

dang gum it…. charting ones television viewing history just has to lead to those, “Oh **** was that really that far back?” moments, doesn’t it? I really am starting to remember just how old I am, and how much I’ve been through over the years.

I stopped charting when I hit ’97, oy. I more or less ‘gave up’ on TV around 2003 or so: got to tired of never getting to watch anything worth watching without so many countless interruptions, that it became more stressful then ‘relaxing’ to just watch TV.

Funny, in all the years that I was a couch potato (cica 1992-2003), I was always in good shape — ran everywhere like a bat out of hell; didn’t want to miss a thing. Since giving up on that life, I stopped running, and ended up working more — end result is that I lost all of my running endurance. I used to be able to run long, hard, and fast for as long as my body physically could stand it. Haha, I still remember a foot race from many years ago, everyone thought I didn’t stand a chance because I was the short kid in the group but I was on the long legged pack-leaders ass all the way; while everyone else was choking on our dust so to speak ^_^. (That, and [ab]using a rudimentary knowledge of physics to optimize my route for acceleration rate, hehehehe).

I also spent a lot of my time every day practicing: kept myself nimble and thinkin’ on my toes. That also disappeared soon after because I was working “all the time”, it really started to get hellish. If you could imagine working to be burning fuel, life moved past afterburning, and becoming equally a burned out, shit for brains dead on arrival as the entails: or as I usually state it more politely, “I have known everything from working 1 day a week, to working multiple shifts, with only 3 days off in a month”. Actually having exercise, and being able to *enjoy it* got replaced with be hammered into the mud and made miserable every day of my existence.

I used to be a couch potato, first class with honours; in recent years TV has just been so much background noise rather then an interest. More recently, I get a few hours of pleasurable programming every couple months or so but still not a lot of real TV watching, no where near what it used to be.

By looking back over the programming I used to watch, and framing it in perspective with their times in history: it also helps me recall what life was like ‘back then’, in more a progressive way. So…. what has really changed that differentiates life between then and now? Less interest in TV in general, less freedom to go/do as I please, less going out *period* (****!), less of family infighting making trouble, less of ‘ducking’ the waring factions schemes^, less time for… hmm, let’s just say I got retired early from some things.

WTF man, I think I actually had a better life as a couch potato: at least back then, I actually got to go out, and leave this hell hole, outside of working hours……

Life right now, makes me feel like living in prison: only without the guards and even fewer good points. I’m still miserable most days of my life, but hey…. at least as an up side, fairly often I get 2-3 days off a week.

most of which get spent trapped here, or being monopolized by self-serving family. I also fin dit somewhat depressing, when it becomes realtivly easy to equate peoples actions tot he scope of getting what they want; FML