Only had like 2 or 3 hours sleep last night at the most, and should we say, mornings here just reinforce, feeling like nothing but an asset in the equation :-(.

Been experimenting some in GIMP on a few things related to SWAT 4 skins; also to my joy, the DDS plugin compiles and builds fine on FreeBSD. I kind of like working on images in GIMP, doing something decent can really be time consuming, and since I’m rather inexperienced at putting such software through it’s paces, it incorporates a measure of exploration as well. Because the display on my desktop, basically makes anything involving blacks impossible to work with, I’ve been using my laptop more and more for image stuffs. Really, I prefer the touch pad; for everything I’ve thrown at it, except for gaming. (My laptop isn’t capable of running many FPS games.).

There is a lot of stuff I wish I could learn about software like GIMP and Photoshop, but all in all, I just can’t see myself doing that much work. There are just some things that I can see most effectively done in software, and other things that I just can’t quiet put into words… but could likely take a wild crack at with the right (artists) tools.

When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time drawing, I loved to sketch and to doodle. It’s been more then just many moons, since I last drew anything by hand. Heck, the last time I even held a pen in hand, was probably at the doctors office… lol. Really, I’m not sure exactly why or when I stopped drawing, but it was probably between 2002-2003 or so.

Technically, I’m not to old to start again, and with the right level of applied effort, I could learn much more then I did. But, I think such would be more trouble then it’s worth, and worse, likely break down further what privacy I have offline. My mother studied as a cartoonist, so obviously she would likely want to butt her noise into things; and shall we say, things that I do to relax, I generally do not wish to be “Disturbed” over. That being said, the best things I ever drew while growing up, were probably drawn in the dark, by nothing more then TV light! Digging out more then a No.2 pencil would also be pushing the limits at my stealth skills considerably, and I’m very good at most things clandestine…

All of my life, I have looked for forms of expression…Things that let me put what I’m feeling into motion, let it take some shape and be free. Although arguably such things could be considered a form of communication, I’ve never cared to much about using it as such, so much as for its own sake. Personally, I consider myself somewhat self-centered—which is an attribute I utterly hate. But, for me it has mostly been a way of ‘surviving’ without being erased by the world around me. You could say that in my world and in my family, it is very easy to become trampled over here.

Sigh, sometimes I really don’t like my life.