Never tell me the odds….

I think I’m averaging about 20-21 hours consistently awake, slightly more or less depending on what I’m dreaming.

When things are more tolerable, I tend to sleep longer, if they’re more agitative, I usually wake up sooner. It blows if you pass out around 23 and end up wide awake before 0100 even arrives o/.

Sometimes I’ll get up and try and do a bit of exercise, mostly if Willow is still sound asleep. Whatever fits into a few minutes: before scratching claws, barking, and shouting turns up. Other times I just skip it and deploy the laptop next to me so there’s something to listen to. Starting to learn 94.9’s daily schedule :-/. Either way there’s only trifles to fill all that time. Most of the time, there’s nothing in the universe except the ticking of my mind.

One thing I have noticed from experience, is I start to dream very quickly if at all. Sometimes it’s like I only dozed off for five or ten minutes from when I last saw the clock, but I feel like most of the hours passed. It’s been rare that I’ve been able to sleep uninterrupted, after a while, I just give up on trying to get back to sleep at all. I check the clock at intervals when I’m awake, and in/between bathroom trips. Got into the habit from the years I spent, having to *try* and be snoozing by a certain cut off point (that never worked) in order to be somewhere on time, and sufficient awake. Someone once joked about my lack of caffeine 8=).

Can’t say the same for everyone, but my dreams tend to be very vivid. Anything I see or feel in a dream, it’s sharp, it’s like a smooth crystal. Whether it’s the feel of sth against my skin or a train of reasoning, it doesn’t matter. It can be scarily accurate at times. A lot of times if I dream about something that I’ve never experienced, than end up going through it later on for real, it’s a lot of the same sensation, or there will be a ‘how did I know that?’ thought between my ears when I’ve never done it before, it’s freaking weird at times. Reminds me of Paul Atreides and the stillsuit.

Most of my life, I’ve thought about my dreams as crazy or better than television, but lately, it’s just something I would rather forget about as soon as my eyes flutter open. What’s the point of sleeping, if you’re not going to find rest? Only upside that experience can show me, is that time passes quicker and my mother shouts louder if I sleep longer. With how frequently I wake up now’re days, it’s not even worth that much.