I’m not sure the feeling that everything as I know it, is spiralling towards an abrupt end, is supposed to be a positive or a negative emotion; all I can say, is it has one hell of an impact on the insides. I don’t feel like eating.

Decision time is at 21:26 GMT, June 20th. That’s the adjusted time for when I was born. Running the math, that gives something like 53 hours until I’ve got to make my choice. Aside from a couple hours sleep in that, really I don’t have anything else to do except think about the choices. That’s been most of my month.

I’m not sure what the outcome will be. All that I know, is it means failure, the final failure. Push someone far and hard enough, for long enough, and what else do you get? There’s no real escape from having to think about it. There’s something like 24 hours in a day, I spend at least 18 of them going over this shit, that’s on a ‘busy’ day; I haven’t had many of those lately.

I hate my life. I wish I could hate those who have brought me here.