To thine own self be true….

On top of everything else that weighs on me, now there is another issue. I have two opposing matters: one involves respecting a friend, and the other is what I perceive as following-through with decision day on time. That is about as straight as I’ll write it here, since I keep the contents of private conversations pretty damn private.

For me, it’s really not a simple thing: both actions are the right things to do within the scope of my code of conduct. It is the right thing to respect my friend in this. It is the right thing to do what I’ve said I will do when I’ve said I will do it. The problem is they conflict here; as the former can’t happen unless I reschedule the latter. Yeah, it’s never mindlessly black and white.

Being to far kicked in the head to be able to process this smoothly, and without being able to explain the problem better than a case for mathematics, I asked for the help of others close to me in solving such a moral problem. I reckon, that C is the correct answer out of !(A ∩ B) in this particular case .

In thinking carefully over some very wise advice about points of view, I remembered something that I used to say a long time ago about my decision making processes, and how my heart, head, gut, etc all entered into it, but first among these has always been my heart. So I reckon, that if I truly do care about this friend, and that caring about someone really does mean to me what I say/feel it does, then I guess the choice is right there in my heart. In a way, I reckon that’s what the advice also amounted to in it’s own round about way.

Which means respecting my friend in this first, rather than being stubborn and selfish about following my plans.

After nearly 22 years in this flesh, I reckon it would be lying to myself if I did anything else. Whatever the future holds for me, I can’t deny that choice reflects who I am on the inside. Hell, I’ve agonized over decision day for what, nearly a month? A small delay can’t do that much, nothing can short of a miracle or a time machine. Listening to the advice of a very important person in my life, has also reminded me, that after enough years of friendship, it is possible to get to know each other better than you might think.

Sometimes I also wonder if GOD has to point a finger at something every now and then, and has to keep Himself form saying “Here stupid, LOOK!”. Much like a math’ teacher.