Yesterday was generally, as uneventful as they get, didn’t even get any night driving—which likely means I’ll have to wait until Tuesday or later. Knowing my mother, more likely the week after next :-(. Courtesy of my nations independence day, I’m assured of being stuck here staring at alls all weekend.

A friend suggested a very interesting idea yesterday, and probably the most positive thing to come up in ages. Although it would likely take a year or more in saving ahead before I could act on it, I must admit that she is a very smart cookie. Knowing how my family tends to negatively impact my plans, with my luck it would probably take another decade to bring that matter to fruition. Hmm, at least a spider can dream on occasion. Still, I’m a realist at heart: and I know peace is not in any of the cards that I’m likely to draw. It would also, undoubtedly cause a year or two worth in delays on realising my long term plans: but it is definitely getting the green light. It’s worth it. Like everything, it’s just a matter of time: be it 1 year, 5, 10, 25, or more. Whenever my family’s impact is included in plans, it usually looks like a multiplier that makes landing on mars look more feasible than moving forward o/.

Once I’ve gotten a suitable income, because I’ve so few expenses from living here: most of my wages can go straight in the bank. Unlike my mother, I actually learned what the word S A V E means. While I’m also, likely the cheapest bastard on earth when it comes to spending money on my own benefit, saving for and working towards the things I want to obtain, is called a fact of life.

Heh, that reminds me. The other day while Her Royal Pain was noting that once one of her credit cards is paid off, the cost of it will likely be able to cover whatever the increase in car insurance will be from me getting a license. The company can’t say what it will be, until I have my full license. She agreed to cover that cost ages ago if I jumped through the hoops needed to get a license, but I expect her to slip out on that. Either way it is and always has been, fully in my intention to take over that cost when I’m working. I took the opportunity to check up on what my mothers actual expenses are running now: most of which fit two classes: need to be paid, have to be paid, and simply being starved off the balance sheet until they no longer remain in the equation. That’s how she’s always divided her finances. I can also remember telling her years ago: “I told you so”, before she even got into any debts, again.

Here’s the rub: if you are surviving on much less income and paying more bills now, then when you started building up a debt: then you didn’t need to accumulate that much in debt in the first place.

Where past & present factors represents the realistic state of the accounting equation at their respective ends of sampling: if present factors are less than the past factors and the absolute value of the present factors are still far greater than the failure point, such that the failure point is so far below ends meet that ones life style is no longer realistically sustainable; then past factors are also greater than the failure point. Well than guess what that means to anyone who survived even elementary maths, let along the topics I’ve enjoyed studying over the years? The difference between the past and present factors, is representative of how much you could of had “left over”, based on what you could have lived on in the past, versus what higher level you actually lived on in the past. Representative here meaning, that (/ (- x y) m) or (* (- x y) m) would be more precise than the given (- x y), where the expression m is needed to more accurately convert (- x y) to match a given step in time, rather than a generalised result; which would take even more words to write out, and could be done in either way depending on how one figures m. Or in short, spending to much is a bad idea.

I’ve kept an eye on my family’s various goings on since the mid nineties and the study of computation ruled my early two thousands, for all intents and purposes. Both are likely subjects dentimental to human sanity.

For some reason my instincts tell me all hell is about to break loose…

Tuesday was an annoyance, spent on stair cases, and practically falling down them. I’ve no freaking idea who the hell needs a four story house. Wednesdays cleaning client at least has the decency of one staircase!  Spent most of that stiff as a board. Ended up being dragged through a super market again, *groan*, but at least I’m walking properly. Starboard ankle still has it’s moments, which always leaves my mothers voice ringing in my minds ears: as she always complains about having weak ankles. Me on the other hand, my body does what it’s told or I beat it until it does, period.

After a fourth day of compiling software, my laptop is finally up to date and fully equipped for development again. I just need to get the XFire plugin fixed. Either I need to revert it (again) to an ancient version, or port the modern versions to FreeBSD; and hope the developers accept the patches. It’s all because some stupid moron couldn’t look up whether some function_like_this() was part of the GNU C library, or POSIX; which is silly because those functions tend to look likthis().

On the upside, this week I’ve gotten another 80 minutes driving time after dark. Giving a cycle since January, of: 60, 40, 40, 40 minutes. For a grand total of 180 minutes, or 3 hours out of the 6 required hours. It will likely take another 2 or 3 weeks… grr. The only good thing I can really say, is that modern lisp lets me express the arithmetic as:

> (+ 1 2/3 2/3 2/3)
3
>

Which is kind of handy.

Yes, I like lisp.

Somehow, I can’t help but wonder if John Wayne’s walk came from being stiff as a board or sth…. lol

Couldn’t sleep, so I just read for a couple hours; finished the book easily and thought on it for a while. Just gave up on trying to sleep. Replaced morning stretches with working on my legs, feels a bit better but standing/walking still feels like daggers. I decided to tone down the exercises, I limited to forty reps spread over sets of ten to twenty. Obviously I omitted anything that puts to much strain on the legs lol. Lunges were replaced by mid snaps without the vigour, and squats/lifts with sth I learned some time ago that for  working the upper back/shoulders. Most of my normal exercises go for the upper body anyway. Definitely skipping on running yet again, but not skipping breakfast this time…

The real question is whether or not my legs will ever forgive me yesterdays march lol.

After a day of aching from the thighs down, and having to face work tomorrow with plenty of climbing up and down stairs. I think any spare time will be spent sitting for a change, instead of pacing back and forth :-S.

A long walk is like everything else in the world, you survive it by continuing to put one foo in front of the other, until you keel over. That and having problems with surrender, helps.

30 some klicks of persistence

Just got home a little bit ago, went for a very long (~6 hour) walk intermixed with a few km of jogging. Just mapped it out and it amounts to about 30km foot travel. That’s actually a bit slow for me, but after the first ~20km, I was out of water and essentially creeping forward on stumps.

Filled my canteen and left around 1635 local, HRP even tried to deny me the water 8=). Was a nice argument just to get out for a bit of walking, but I did say that I would becoming back! Took a more round about path around down town as a warm up, through what could be said to be the local equivalent of the ‘wrong’ side of the tracks, but still got there. Made a wrong turn that added a good hour to things, which I hadn’t wanted, but also found an excellent short cut through safer ground because of it. That path would still be faster by foot or car than the usual path. Had church on the brain, so I guess I ended up heading towards that. Took a five minute break by the side of the road after the first three hours or so, stretched my legs, took my shoes off to check my feet: and ripped off part of the insoles to reduce how much it digs into the bottoms of my feet. Turned back for home after that, because so much time had passed that I would likely be getting home after dark.

I walked so far that I actually ended up having to give a sheriff my state ID and learners permit, and he confirmed that I was well within my rights. Sounded a bit impressed when I answered his questions about where I had walked from. Don’t get it, it’s not that far… unless maybe you drive every where lol. Still had about 1/3 litre of water in my canteen (1 litre capacity :-().

Changed routes on the way back, because the road I had spent most of my time on, is dark as piss once the sun sets. On the upside, form the main highway I was able to see the sun set. Got home around 22:30-22:40 local time. The last ten or twelve kilometres is what really killed me: but like normal, once I take a proper break, I’m ready to rock. I’m not even tired now… lol. Fetched myself a water and poured myself a ginger ale (for the sugar content) as soon as I got in, than sat down to rip my shoes off and stick the stumps in water.

Spent about an hour on the phone with my brother, mostly oriented on his dislike for sth I wrote in my journal about him being “Useless” on the driving war 8=). It’s typical. Either way, I don’t count things until they are actioned; something that our mother could do well to learn herself! Coming up on nearly 5 years of keeping a journal, I should probably just be surprised anyone notices it. Spent most of the hour after that dealing with my mother o/. Anyone who thinks of me in the context of being paranoid, rude, worrying to much, or even griping to much: all I can say, get to know my mother as well as I do, and you’ll see that about ten thousand fold lol.

Missed dinner but I don’t really care, was more thirsty than anything else. I’m also wide freaking awake and could probably do a few hours worth of my regular exercise cycles… and still be just as awake. I’m not interested in walking another thirty some kilometres any time soon, but in the end, it was actually far less tiring than what that a good day at work used to look like. I did however accomplish what I had aimed to achieve: getting out of this rats nest and clearing my head of its thoughts. Of course, that took almost five hours of walking… but that is a different problem :-S.

Either way, I’ve probably done more walking today, than my mother moves in an entire year!

I must say, after nearly two days awake and several dark moods, passing out cold for an hour or two really helps improve ones disposition!

What kind of fool shaves at two o’clock in the morning? Only two kinds: s.b. that has to be at work before dawn, or s.b. that can’t sleep for shit.

Which I am, is a no brainer.