Uncategorized

Yesterday, well, relatively speaking; 3 hours sleep is enough for me to call it yesterday irregardless of hours passed, even if I’ve been up since 2am local lol. Beyond having to authorize my mother to deal with the issue (as she was the master mind), I was largely ear shotted into a phone conversation that came as little surprise.

Some years ago now (bah), the place that my high school course work was with, was getting pissy about the massive over times involved in getting it done. A lot of working hours (from 1 day a week, to 3 jobs per day per week) and a lot of self-studying else wheres on my own, tends to make for homework that’s about as challenging as breathing, and thus makes for limited interest in getting it done promptly. Eventually I knuckled down on it between busy seasons, because a H.S. diploma or G.E.D. would be required to have any chance of moving forward later (now near future). Her Royal Pain however decided to change distance “Schools” after getting annoyed with the first companies policy on sending out text books. That lead to me having to go through a fresh reboot on another set of course work with a new company.

Which I gave up working on after a few cycles, because I knew there would be zilch chance of getting that glorified piece of paper, once my mother stopped paying the damn thing off: reaching the point of calling it a brush off! Plus knowing that any long term savings of my own, would likely end up towards paying off her debts rather than catching up with a GED later (which came to pass twice, as she acquired debt since then).

The principal issue of yesterdays call, was that the company wants their outstanding balance paid off; blood from a stone anyone? My mother managed to lie herself into a corner about it, by using her recent health issues as an excuse to cover cheating them out of the money years prior, and I do believe court was mentioned :-S. The real royal screw however, is since the mega bitch saw fit to run the bills for the course under my name instead of her own that time out, it’ll likely be my arse if anything comes of it. I knew consenting to that stipulation, just for a chance to work towards finishing HS, was going to come back and haunt me someday… family is too good at fucking me over. If things were still as they were in Charles Dickens era, my mother would have become well familiar with debtors’ prison over the years, and this affair would aqaint me with one. Luckily things have changed a lot since then. So much as anticipated, if there ever been any decency of credit associated with my name, it’s well flushed: and that tends to cause trouble later on, in modern America o/. As if I didn’t have miserable enough a mood already.

The really ironic thing in this whole mess? High school and a loving heart is what made a slave of me in the first place. When I was something like 15~16 years old, ma decided to start her present business as a way to help pay off the coming course work, and to save up for when things were to get tighter; thus invalidating my employment plans. I was asked to ‘help‘ out with the work, because part of it would be going towards paying for my schooling: and I’ve gone unpaid since. Sure enough in the end: no diploma to be reached, my mother wouldn’t know how to save a dime if you beat her with one let along before the bottom dropped out, and I’ve spent the last 6 1/2 to 7 years of my life, being used and treated like a slave for it all. Arguably I would have been better off, taking the antifreeze cocktail out of here in the early 2000s, instead of discovering a reason to live for the rest of my life. Instead I’ve had to spend the last 4-5 years, all but imprisoned here.

To quote a friend: Fuck My Life.

Pour me somethin’ tall an’ strong,
Make it a “Hurricane” before I go insane.
It’s only half-past twelve but I don’t care.
It’s five o’clock somewhere.

• Not being allowed to get anything done
• Not being respected enough that it may be assumed that you have anything to get done
• No one cares that you have anything to get done
• Mood is irrelevant at home as in the work place o/
• Getting pissed on is still the norm.
• Yet another reminder that no body cares.

Need I go on?

My brother turned out to have a double agenda to showing up on Mother’s Day, not surprisingly. To deliver a gift, and find an easy supper while his wife was out of town lol.

Our mother finally got what she has been wanting: one of their new puppies. He’s a dark fawn coloured Chiahuahua, something like 8 weeks old, and so adorable it’s gotta be illegal. It’s her dog, but obviously means that I’ll be the one to to get cussed at over its care. That means yours truly has to worry about cleaning up after it, feeding it, watching over it, and so on and so forth…. plus walking him when he gets older. I also have to hear about every minute detail twenty times, and be pushed for help in naming him o/. Guess I’m the last slave who thinks people should look after their own responsibilities.

I’ve had to grown through hearing every dumb question imaginable, and as usual when my mother is involved, answer things by repeating myself 3-5 times! It’s annoying as hell to start with, let alone when you consider that I may be the only asshole in this family, who doesn’t deserve a hearing aid.

The only good thing I can say about trying to serve between land minds and war-bait, is we had stop off for my brother to pick up a pack of smokes and to take the puppy to see one of my mothers best friends. So I got to see their dog Nikita, which is a 100+ pound Boerboel; my brother was scared of her lol.

Fortunately dinner went well, only stressors being thrown about; my brother took over my computer to piss away the time playing FarmVile on Facebook, I gave him a temporary PC user account  named ‘moron’, in order to keep him out of my session. I can clear it off the linux box tomorrow.

If near future plans work out, I think my friend is right, we do need a drink stronger than water.

They just made a crack on the radio, that Toby Keith once set an alleyway on fire as a kid: and wasn’t afraid of the police finding out, just that he knew he was gonna get it once his mom found out xD

They tend to take forever to find/create and to fill out for the occasion :-S. I rarely will send a card, unless there’s some target meaning to it, some sense of exposition. Be it a goal to bring a smile to someones face when things are going rotten, or wish them a great holiday. A lot of thought goes into the process of me sending a card, trying to find something that is both appropriate, and can help express to the receiverwhat was intended.  In retrospect of the years, I reckon I should just be thankful for the practicality of e-mail; making something elaborate by hand and mail, takes even more effort, on top of the mental toll. Even worse before modern graphics software was invented lol.

Mother’s Day, in particular is a pain. Both in the sense of trying to express emotion, bring something positive… and having to make a dance around, ones that are sadly just not usable, although I truly wish they were (with a straight face). Like wise, when my mother is concerned:, having to even more carefully study the matter before hand, in order minimize the potential points for blacklash over it. Which is a matter that stings in it’s own right, let along the former. I’m well familiar with the painful consequences of failure.

The positive parts of my life, have thought me how to be thoughtful about the people I care about, the miserably parts have made me learn how to navigate a mine field without losing any limbs in the process. FML.

Just a little bit ago, the original The Lion in Winter went off, and for as many times as I’ve seen it over the years, I have got to admit, tonight is the first time I didn’t sleep through half of it! Given the timing, it hits oh so richer a cord than normal. How much similarity to it, have I not seen? Even down to the knives, it is not such an alien thing, as I honetly wish it was.  I have often wondered, if someday I’ll look back upon things, and chant just something else to burn… to cast memories into the flames of some fireplace.

I sat and watched, enjoying the film for a change, and listening to my mother mock me with almost every comment to the screen; both of us morons in many cases.  Should I say,that I’m no stranger to hatred, even if I’ve never learned how to hate. She’ll obviously be in finer form tomorrow,  and the only alternative to causing greater damage, will be to pipe down and take whatever is thrown out there. The most that I can hope for, is that tomorrow passes by quickly. Take a few hours to pick out a Mother’s Day card, that will likely be thrown back in my face, sooner or later. My brothers supposed to make a rare appearance at some point, so I know that by night fall, I will likely be regretting staying sober. If I’m lucky, I’ll be permitted to make due with being insulted in the third person, from within ear shot; rather than having a big red bulls eye painted on me for target practice o/.

For the past few days, I’ve neen in a particularly black mood: or as I would have described Friday, a day within sunshine. Living in onslaughtist territory just serves to pick open scabs; I doubt anyonean understand that section of me, but my family always knows how to stab until they find it,without fail. Mother’s Day is a day that I’ve almost come to dread, *sigh*. Why? Because it’s impossible to avoid the things that tend to come with it. This is a segment in that larger side of my ‘black mood’.

Time to get stuff done, and try and find an hours sleep or two….

I still wish there was a suitable working title to slip into this table for TacFPSGame 8=).

Her Royal Pain, just saw fit to jab: that for as much as I point out her horrendous inability to save so much as a Canadian dime! That many years ago, I spent a small fortune (my birthday funds; good thing I never told Grandpa about that or he would’ve been RIP’ing years sooner lol) to upgrade the fish tanks.

I didn’t bother to reply. There’s just no un-nasty way of pointing out, that it was required for the fishes survival (larger tank needed), and that she would’ve just found some way to piss it away anyway…. 8=)

Seems that the rain and thunder finally made it’s way down here, mostly on time. As I was telling Timbo this morning, it was raining cats and dogs outside. Luckly while I was catching a couple quick Z’s, the radio stream I had running told ma that the roads we’d be traveling had not been to flooded… so I didn’t loose the opportunity to drive. Weather has never bothered me in any way really, especially not the rain: and I need the experience of being on the slickened roads. However fast I’ve been mastering the car compared to ‘normal’ people, it’s probably not advisable to let a noob out in such conditions, but the only way that you can learn such a skill is by live fire exercise; and with my mother, only GOD knows how many chances there are going to be in order to do it in time :-S. I left a message with a friend, in case of any major accident.

The first leg of things went fairly smooth: except for having to be ordered about like a moron. My mothers continual insistence that I `improperly` stop at stop signs by coming to a halt before the edge, is also annoying me enough that it’s going on my todo list, to check the state law on the ficken matter. I might not be a rocket scientist, but I know how to read English correctly. Edit: just emailed her the proof that I am correct! IAW Georgia state law, you bring her to a full stop before crossing the stop line or cross walk, other wise you can move up if needed; and either way, the laws for entering a road way require you to stop again if need be, befor entering if there are any cars to close‐whether or not you stopped at a stop sign already.

Maybe my educational background combined with my computer presence, has damaged the quality of my composition skills, but I can read this cracked up language with machine-like proficiency! Perhaps that is much to the annoyance of everyone else outside more ‘technical’ circles xD.

Although we arrived with time to spare at the Community Medical Centre, as usual the clinic also took a good half hour past the scheduled appointment time to accept her for the checkup >_>. So I passed the time reading a text book on electronics and EE, before powering up Dixie. Spent most of it brushing up on my CLisp, until the battery started to run low… then I got stuck twiddling my thumbs for another hour and a half. Managed to convince H.R.P. to get her prescriptions filled today in order to extend the driving time, and save her a later trip after work. By the time we left Krogers, some  9-10 hours after the storms started, it was almost free and clear out.

So far, I’ve had two good bits of practice today: stretches of highway where the speed limit is much higher than the rest of our area, and driving in enough rain that you wouldn’t want to stick your head out the window xD. I tend to drive more cautiously than most people, because, eh, shall we say, the local drivers are a trifle psychotic at times. Life has also taught me that when death, injury or serious property damage is likely to result it is usually best to assume that the other schmuck will fuck up, and B/P to cope with it happening.

Some how, I am reminded of a story my mother once told me, form when she was learning to drive, and made grandpa’s hair stand on end after a very, very near miss! Well, I’m to darn paranoid to put my mother through that lol. Threatening to gag, or strap her to the roof of the car when she is being too bossy on the other hand, is a different story. Or should we say, where I come from, the asshole in the drivers saddle calls the ball.