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As much as I hate to not be working, I am kind of happy about this recent turn of events.

Yesterday the after work down-time was interrupted with a job interview: one that I’ve had apprehensive thoughts about, in regard to Operation Redeemer. We didn’t get it and apparently, my remarks about “32 hours” and needing 12 people to do the job, “Queered it” as H.R.P. put it. I also reminded my mother that she should be careful what she wishes for, since she had asked me to speak up! For better or worse, I prefer to speak honestly and don’t like to mince words. Also on the flip side, we got something else (and less painful).

Thursday was supposed to be a trial-run, in which I have wondered just how much stuff could be done in 6 hours of labour. The place is so big, to clear it from a SWAT point of view, would take 20 men and at least 5 minutes. Cleaning the place as a 2-schmuck team would take all week! It is just to freaking BIG.

As I often say, things always balance out in the end. The 2 jobs that virtually evaporated have also come back online in force, and after yesterdays interview, H.R.P. is most certainly less inclined to whine about them lol. For me, work is work; that’s roughly all there is to it. Although that being said, I would love to have a career that I can wake up in the morning and actually want to do the job :-/. (Ok, so a crazy spider can dream…)

The positive side is that

Today I woke up feeling like microwaved crap and a headache to match; you have a pulse, you report for work—that’s the way it is.

The thing that really cheered me up today, was my roughly annual periodic weigh in. Last year it was like 180~182 lbs (~82kg), today the scale read 160 lbs (~72.575kg) which is a much more comfortable range for me… lol. I’ve never wanted to go much past 180, and for much of the last decade, have been gaining around 10lbs (4.5kg) a year.

What’s changed between today and the last time I set foot on a scale? Not a whole lot really, the real food in my diet is likely worse on calories then ever before; but I have largely cut out junk food and snacks. When I do snack, it is usually something healthy like a bowl of Special-K or a banana. That being said, I only eat about 2 meals a day lol.

For virtually my entire life I’ve only had soda as my staple drink, usually about 1 litre a day. In 2008, I basically switched totally to drinking water at roughly 1 1/4 to 1 2/3 litres a day.

When it comes to exercise, I basically get none outside of work and walking the dog. The last several years have had my room used for storage and laundry racks, resulting in a bogus amount of space—being cooped up in this hellhole doesn’t help either. Who knows, maybe misery and depression are a better form of weight loss then diet and exercise… :-/. If this toe ever gets back to a suitable point, that I can accomplish reverse lunges without stumbling, I can start exercising. Moving things around and systematically pushing crap out, has helped double my effective free-space in my room…. and a major goal of Operation Redeemer is the freedom to GTFO of here periodically.

Normally I carry Willow out to where we walk, and occasionally let her walk the way home: if she will cooperate. Today, I told Willow that “You probably need the exercise more then I do”, and let her jog there. When it was time to come home, she looked at me with a nasty glint and decided we would jog home—and pooped out along the way! Hahahaha!

Who knows maybe Operation Redeemer would be good for my health, if family doesn’t chuck a spanner down its neck…..

Recently I have been thinking about 2 items on my bucket list. More specficially, the two most integer goals…

My thoughts on it haunt me, and the probability of ever seeing those core desires realized is an especially depressing thought. Those that know me fairly well, could likely hazard a few guesses at what those desires are, and hopefully get at least one right lol. I am wondering, even if I ever see them realized, will there be enough left of me, to furfil them? Alas, only time will tell that tale.

Time, such a precious commodity, like a grain of sand slipping through the neck of an hour glass Oh how I wish I could see my goals bear fruit…

Woke up feeling like someone was taking the hands around my head and just squeezing it, plus a mild toothache on the larboard side. The work schedule has been turned up on it’s ear, and it’s coming into that time of year when business starts to evaporate… which does not hold very well for Operation Redeemers goals :-/.

If I wasn’t owed money, I would actually have a chance to supercharge this part of the operation, instead of being S.O.L. All things considered, if I wasn’t owed, I would be being asked for a loan, as far the current state of my families finances goes lol.

What is it about certain songs that can touch a piece of us? That special something that lets you build a rapport with our listening ears? My view is that it is the music that connects with a part of who we are, where we’ve been, and what we’ve been through; much like the subject of the last song-lyrics I posted goes on about.

Most people that I know, there tastes in music in some way reflect their lives. For me and one friend in particular, I’ve noted songs that we enjoy tend to be of a more ‘pleasurable-painful’ nature. Music that can make you remember the old hurts and the old joys gone by, and in some odd way let you touch base with that emotion and feel better for still being able to feel anything that all: or perhaps its just the parts of our existence just plain suck lol.

The songs that I love the most, tend not to be “happy” in nature, but more of a long sad tune. If it’s hit my playlist countless times or I take time to stop and listen to it over the radio, odds are it invokes a strong emotion somewhere.

Someday I think it would be cool to read a systematic survey that tries to map peoples experiences to their musical tastes, but such a thing would be rather tricky to get any meaningful result IMHO.

Well on the upside, I’ve been managing to get to bed fairly early (0200-0300) and waking up near (0830~0845) the final target mark (0700~0730), and all without having to invoke the alarm clock lol.

The problem is getting used to getting UP that early when I don’t got to go to work. I think I’ve woken up and fallen asleep at least 4 or 5 times before rolling out around 1151 :-/. Practice makes perfect and eventually that should be dealt with, hehe.

I’ve also been playing so much SWAT 4 and mucking with the Department of Agriculture map—I’m starting to dream about playing it!

Sheesh, I think it’s gonna take this crappy-printer longer to print my lesson plan, then it took to write it lol.

I used restructured text and fed it through rst2html, then generated a PostScript file using Mozilla Firefox; it’s only about 3 pages long…

It took about 7 minutes per page… and it’s all plain text :-/

* printer is a Deskjet D1455 supported by GS/HPIJS/Foomatic and hooked up to the LPD/Line Printer Daemon.

My family does nothing but make the things missing in my life that much more apparent.

Reese’s monitors FUBAR so he came over to pik up his spare; so I had to put up with my mother and my brothers usual pissing contests. After listening to essentially the same set of conversations repeated at least 15 times, I started laughing and offered an analogy. “If two and two is equal to two and two, and two and three is equal to three and two,m and so on, do we really have to walk through the entire set of real numbers, which just happens to be pretty darn infinite?”. Combined with my comments on having to hear the same damn convo again and again and AGAIN! They eventually got the point and changed their broken record to another! 20-30 minutes later I said screw it, and sat down on the computer.

Family is excellent at using you, making you feel miserable,

One of the people we work for was having a computer issue and of course offered to help, in reply to her reply, I explained: there is being used and there is being useful, and I like to be useful; I left out that my immediate family only knows my name when they want something 8=).

Tonight I’ve also been badgered over my eyes which are not as good as they used to be; being cooped up at home so much with nothing else to do but sit in front of a computer, what do you expect? And that I obviously will need glasses (or contacts, not that I was asked which in their debate 😎 before I’ll be able to get a license. (Duh, I’m not a dumb ass!) And the list just goes on – I’m tired of putting up. I love my family dearly but I honestly wonder why I have bothered to speak to any of them, since at least 1995~1994; the year reference is because by 1995~1996 I already knew things were headed for the shits, and had already been so miserable for a good while….

I really don’t want to have much to do with my immediate family. I think if I ever moved out, I’d probably call them each once a cycle and leave it at that for the most part, lol. It’s just less painful to avoid unnecessary involvement. In my general opinion, I think they really ceased to “know me” years and years ago: when me and a few friends were essentially swapping how well do you know me type quizes, in writing mine, I had a sinking feeling at what my family would do if given it (I don’t dare lol).

All in all the more I am around them the worse I feel, and ever more so do I long for what I seek in life: and wonder if I shall ever find it. It is the hope of finding what I seek, that keeps me moving, and I refuse to be shaken.

You know… I am basically living on about 1 1/4 to 1 2/3 litres of water a day, and since I’ve mostly given up on snacking/junk food, basically 2 meals a day on average lol.

I’m not quite sure if that is good or bad o/.

I was sitting on near the foot of the bed with the laptop, puttering about on IRC and hashing out some stuff in vim, etc. When I see something black with 6 legs scurry along the edge of the bed to my right – a cockroach. Despite having a prior “inmate” in it from this morning, I managed to get it into the bug catcher without much problem.

The things that bother me?

I saw it in my peripherally vision well enough to identify it, as well as gauge threat level.

Leaning over, I could see it in great detail

I managed to get off the bed and begin the capture procedure without alerting it (vibrational)

Turning on the lights wasn’t necessary to improve my vision… it was plain as day without them.

and I was more alert then the dog :-/. Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t have a cat, lol.

What can I say, I’ve been forced into the dark for so many years…. my eyes and brain practically work like light amplification goggles -> I’m not even going to comment about how it feels to ride in a car on an unlit road at night, lol. Even worse, I have yet to lose my mastery of stealth. I can still maneuvre and creep with remarkable ease for a civi; learned out of necessity. In my reading of the Count of Monte Cristo, when it mentioned Edmond’s vision in the dark, I couldn’t help but feel, “Dang, it’s not just me then”. But alas, to late now.