Was reading a few of my old files, dunno if I feel better or worse from the thoughts incured.

I remember when I was transfering files to my desktop, most basically live on my laptop now. I cleaned up a directory of my personal writings. I delted a few and saved a couple. The book I was writing, balls never finished that. A little play’esq script, few old love notes…. closest I ever came to writing poetry.

*sigh* some times life sucks. My mind sure doesn’t help me any, I’m supposed to be sleeping but I’m wide awake.

Fuuy, maybe I should try to forget some of the past, good times with the bad and be done. Doesn’t help much though does it…

I’m going to bed, s’only work tomorrow. Same old boring labor, nothing new to learn.. I want to grow but I keep hitting the walls. If I could do more in the [SAS] I’d have joy in that but I still got to work. If I had the time to devote to study, I could maybe make a decent programmer or system admin but I’ve got work and school to do. Bastard of a system, who cares for tests about the ‘laws of english’ compared to artistry ? To me at least computing from a programming perspective is an art form, not a lot of people under stand that about me. To them its just me wasting time infront of a computer, to me its expression, its art, its design, its apart of me…

The more time I have to spend at it, the more often I enjoy it and the better I grow at it. Frig man, I’ve got my figers in C, C++, Java, Perl, Python, Ruby, not to mention sh script, and html/css markup. I might not be good at any of them but when your lucky to be able to devote more then a few hours a week. You can’t be expected to master a life time of ability over night.

**** it, I’m going to bed, worry about it later.