Made to feel like a floor flushing heel just because I’m trying to learna new library and toy with an old program. Well, new library for me if not for the likes of people like Bill Joy….

Is it my fault that I couldn’t work on stuff during the day after work? Well I knew she was gonna change her bloody mind about not going out shopping today. So I didn’t start any thing, sure enough she did. Ya get a feel for it after awhile !

So, out of the store by 2215Z (1715 local) and home to what? Chores x 3 different fields. Few spare moments before dinner to type of the ncurses version of hello world, didn’t even have a chance to compile the puke. So after dinner, after putting the leftovers away with a chaptor of R6 in between. And being stuffed full of leftover pie she wants to get rid of (from Christmas/NYE). I finnally got some time, so I boot my laptop. I had been doing the leg work on Vectra from ssh on SAL so I could use Vi and GCC without that vile cmd.exe, worthless terminal emulator imho. Ma’s watching the soaps, lucky for me I have zsh set not to beep a lot…

Ya know its not exactly my fault that Vi does not give you the greatest warning that your at the EOF other then a BEEP. Sheesh man, I’m trying to _L E A R N_ some thing and I’m made to feel like a crimenal. What the heck… Oh and of course since its not my ‘School work’ it doesn’t matter worth a damn eh? Well pluck you – people used to go to college just to get access to a frigging compiler years ago !!! Let along having the internet to help learn about such things. Dang gum it.

She’ll raise all hell, tackle a bison to the ground if it denies her Respect but you so much as make a sound while the soaps are on and your on top of Amercias Most Wanted. Shes watching TV, some thing I as a former couch potato must of my younger life admit. I don’t do often – I’d rather learn some thing. Does she care? Not a fricking damn bit. If it was in the name of my over due biology test rather then trying to learn my way around ncurses. And skim threw a few files in /usr/src. I think she’d still treat me like this…

Its a sad fact I’ve been learning these days. That a man can starve tp death on a full belly. Some times I wish, I didn’t know that Luke 4:4 was right in more ways then I first thought.

I try to be respectful of others, I’m sorry for the beeps. I even asked if she wanted me to switch to the desktop. I was using a TTYV or ‘Virtual Console’ instead of KDE, because all I needed was my shell, ssh client, vi, lynx, and gcc. No need for a big GUI for accessing a box w/o X11 eh?

I think, I hate my life…. dispair out rules joy I think, for me any way. To her Michelangelo’s Pietà and David are art. And yes it is very greatly so. But to me, so is every bit of what I see in the FreeBSD sources, some thing I want to study and learn from. Just as Michelangelo had once learned from the working of human bodies how to better create sculpture. To me, source code is a work of art if its done right. For me, things such as FreeBSD, Linux, Vim, are all works of art. I’d yern to study under a master programmer…..