Month: September 2009

A few songs of recent encounter

by

A fugitive from unreality
No sign of my god damned serenity
Lost in these barren lands
That have nothing I demand
Had to look for something new
And that day I found you
I found you
I found you

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

A quasar from reality
With damaged mentality
I’ll start editing your life
Replace the captain of your brain ship
Before we set sail for the fail

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

My destiny outruns me
And I can’t find that key
To lock up everything that’s bad inside of me
Don’t you disagree
That your life would be so much better
Without me, that isn’t hard to see
Hard to see

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

— Jack of Diamonds, Sonic Syndicate

This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren’t enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I’ll know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my own breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I’ll spend forever with

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
‘Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
There’s somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Tonight, out on the street out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my own breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I’ll spend forever with?

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
‘Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
There’s somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

You can´t give up!
Lookin´ for that diamond in the rough
You never know but when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Nobody wants to be the last one there
‘Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.

— Gotta Be Somebody, Nickleback

Poco a poco, se fue metiendo dentro de mis pensamientos
y sin sentirlo se fue adueñando de todos mis sentimientos.

Poco a poco se me acabó la voluntad y la fui queriendo
poco a poco, se convirtió en la compañera de mis sueños.

Sin darme cuenta se adueñó de mi alma y de mi corazón
y me subió hasta lo más alto de este mundo
No he vuelto a ser el mismo de antes desde que llegó su amor
hoy soy feliz, soy feliz.

Por ella, sólo por ella que en un instante alejó a mi soledad
se fue mi nube gris y apareció mi estrella
sólo por ella, por ella.

Por ella, sólo por ella que me cambió la vida
desde que conmigo está
me veo en sus ojos y no tengo más respuesta
que si hoy soy feliz
sólo es por ella.

— Por ella (Poco a Poco) {for her (little by little)}, Intocable

Getadelt wird wer Schmerzen kennt
vom Feuer das die Haut verbrennt
Ich werf ein Licht
in mein Gesicht
Ein heisser Schrei
Feuer frei!

Bang bang

Geadelt ist wer Schmerzen kennt
vom Feuer das in Lust verbrennt
ein Funkenstoss
in ihren Schoss
ein heisser Schrei
Feuer frei!

Bang bang
Feuer frei!

Gefahrlich ist wer Schmerzen kennt
vom Feuer das den Geist verbrennt
bang bang
gefahrlich das gebrannte Kind
mit Feuer das vom Leben trennt
ein heisser Schrei
bang bang
Feuer frei!

Dein Gluck
ist nicht mein Gluck
ist mein Ungluck

Bang bang
Feuer frei!

–Feuer frei (fire at will), Rammstein

Thoughts of Dystopia

by

The other night, I had an interesting idea for a short-story, which continued to expand as my thoughts drifted at work. In what I would describe as family “Digging the knife deeper”, I was thinking about what it would be like to no longer feel any emotion; that provoked an old memory. While the weeks sermon is beyond recollection, I remember there was a scene from one of the mist acts put on by the drama team at church. Even more so I remember it, because I heard most of rehearsals on Saturdays, since the station for preparing communion was just outside the sanctuary, where they rehearsed on stage lol.

The jist of the drama was a man thrown-out camping by his wife, with orders to journal his feelings over the weekend. Being very frustrated at it (You especially have got to give him credit, for starting “In the year of our LORD, …” before finally busting), the guy eventually shouts something like, “I have no feelings, I’M A CYBORG!!!”.

So after that stuck in my train of thought for a moment, an idea developed in my head for a short story; that is in conceptually, somewhat reminiscent of Equilibrium, Logan’s Run and The Island. (Yes, I like science fiction, both on screen and in literature lol.)

A place in the not so distant future, where most of civilization was deverstated by the fourth world war – the rich have retreated into their crystalline towers of golden splendor, while the working classes have become their enslaved automatons. Living in a world where every element of their very existence has been crafted to create a life of soulless service: numbers have replaced names in John 7345s world, a place where workers awake to the same cold, empty metallic building every day of their life: devoid of colour, creativity, friendship, or recreation. One day, a computer malfunction causes the main characters to draw the same work station assignments several days in a row, leading our protagonist to develop a forbidden connection with Marie 3890, who is assigned to a neighboring desk. Life brightens temporarily as the two skirt on dangerous ground, however it is not long, until they are reminded that in a place where interpersonal relationships of any kind are legal taboo among the work forces, failure to comply is met with brutal punishment and torture. When Marie is discovered to be pregnant, she is scheduled for extermination. The star-crossed lovers must break free, and flee from their dystopian existence, trying to escape into the wilderness that lay beyond the remnants of modern civilization—pursued by “The overseers”.

It would explore what life might be like in a world where everything that makes us who we are, has become illegal. Where everyone is the same may-as-well-be-faceless cog in the wheels, a life of subsistence without substance. Cool grey uniforms and work environments devoid of personality, a place where even idle conversation between people is met with fierce consequences—by the vicious overseers. A class below the apathic wealthy that they serve, and above the worker-drones that they manage. Slaves like John 7345 and Marie 3890 might of an umpteenth generation of test tube babies raised in a steril nursery environment: ran by heartless robots, or perhaps grown in clone vats for the purpose of serving the rich: which would more readily explain the harsh controls on their humanity. At least such a dark future, would have to cut down on the cow-orker problem lol.

While it might be considered unmanly of me to say, it is a simple fact that most good adventure stories involve a love-interest; whether it serves to make you puke or just create the motives.

I often come up with interesting ideas during dull moments; this would probably be the 7th idea I have had for a short story (or small book, if you prefer). However, like so many interesting trains of thought to pass through my head, it is one that I will likely never have the time, nor energy to commit to writing :'(

by

In the sunlight of your smile
In the summer of our life
In the magic of love
Storms above scattered away

Lovers dreaming in the night
Reaching for paradise
But as the dark shadows fade
Love slips away

On an empty stretch of beach
In the pattern of the waves
Drawing pictures with my hand
In the sand, I see your face

Skipping pebbles on the sea
Wishing for paradise
Sand castles crumble below
The restless tides ebb and flow

Listening to a shell
Hoping for your voice
Beautiful Maria of my soul

Though we’ll always be apart
Locked forever in a dream
If I ever love again
Even then, nothing will change

And the taste of you remains
Clinging to paradise
But as the distance from you grows
All that my heart ever knows
Hunger for your kiss
Longing for your touch
Beautiful Maria of my soul

Filling all my nights
Haunting all my days
Beautiful Maria of my soul

Doesn’t it just suck, to have a song stuck in your head?

Just a quick’ish update before I pass out

by

Over the past two days, I’ve basically setup OGRE 3D from the trunk in SVN. Things are basically set for building under FreeBSD and Win32, I’ve just the FreeBSD Debug build to do; that can be done later. Tonight, I spent a few hours playing with CMake; inhaling practical documentation, and converting my ogre project from Visual Studio files to using CMake for the build system, including only /moderate/ streams of cursing in the process. Tomorrow I need to test it under FreeBSD but that should go according to plan, hehehehehe.

I want to spend some time restructuring the project files and checking things into git, now that the prototype is ready for progression *and* I have the energy to continue the experiments: it is time to get version control working.

Before heading off to bed, I figured I’d make a quick rounds of things, since I’m not going to have much time before work in the morning. Then again, I won’t have much time during the day either lol. Ugh, how I would enjoy a decent nights sleep… it’s been at least 4 days, although arguably it’s been years; that is a however, a different matter.

On the upside, I got to watch abut 4 episodes of Stargate SG-1 over on Hulu.com tonight. Among them was one called Window of Opportunity, which just cracked me up something fierce. To me, sense of humour is everything :-P. The premise of it all, is O’Neill and Teal’c being stuck in a time loop, repeating the same events ad infinitum until they can find a way to solve it. By the time Teal’C started juggling during the Latin study/translation scenes, I think I was about ready to fall out of my chair! The golfing bit through the Stargate was also a rather nice touch.

Sigh, 0800Z cometh….