Jokes

Willow’s log, supplemental

by

Human slept in late. He was tired.

We went for a morning walk, it was nice. I got to sniff many plants, and pee on a few of them.

After Misty’s walk, human disappeared to do stuff. I was told to stand guard.

Human came back. He gave us hash browns. Also treats. I love treats.

Human sat at his desk typing things. I took a nap. He was still typing when I woke up.

There was a loud ringing sound, and then human had to go do some actual paper work.

When he came back, I got another walk. It was great, but I wish that we had gotten a few more laps in.

Foolish human went back to typing. I went back to a nap, after treats were given.

Human made this thing called sweet tea. He asked my thoughts, but drank half a glass without sharing.

There was more napping and typing.

Watched human start making dinner, and cleaning the kitchen. Foolish human, you should take nap like me.

Human made much deliciousness, but did not share the food. I was sad.

Oh my gosh, treats! Honest to goodness, meaty delicious treats! GIVE ME!!!! OM NOM NOM!!!!

I am so full. I wish human would give me more treats. For some reason: he says I must eat dog food now.

Human says paw prints are hard to clean off keyboards. I do not understand this.

Wait, am I getting a treat for all this good typing?

by

Rebooting for the modern age:

BSD: time for kernel updates.
Linux: power outage finally won.
Android: dog ate the charger.
Windows: every update and driver fart.
Chromebook: whenever it gets funky.
iPad OS: more often Chromebook but same concept.

In vague order of frequency, lol

by

In Battlestar Galactica ’04 there is a reoccurring greeting between Adama and Starbuck that goes something like this:

What do you hear?
Just the rain.
Then grab your gun and bring in the cat.

Watching s04e13 The Oath, when Galactica defends into mutiny there’s a scene where Kara saves Apollo’s ass, showing up with a pistol in each hand as he’s being led away by a hit squad.

I may have recalled this greeting and pictured Lee with whiskers….lol

by

Explaining to dogs that refried beans are not for them is bound to never go well. Ending with “If I gave you this: you would fart, and we would all die”, is probably not the best idea either.

Lincoln versus the lighthouse

by

This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States’ Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that’s one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Most awesome urban legend ever.