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I’ve been in a fairly bad mood most of the day :. Was dreaming that I was applying for a job at the company my brother works (a large supermarket chain) and he was driving me out of my freaking skull – until I walked out, got on a plane, and parachuted into the lake; lol. After waking up and falling back asleep, I was dreaming about testing the game project I’ve been coding on the past 2 weeks or so.

Kind of strange in a way, since I’ve always maintained if I ended up in the same line of business I would seek employment at a competing company (:P), was recently mentioning skydiving with a friend, and apparently…. have been unable to get any work done on my game all day!!!!!

I ***hate*** days when it is impossible to get anything done!!!

One of our clients was out of town for a few days, so we had to watch their dog over here; he just went home tonight. After ~6 hours of C++ this afternoon, I was kind of glad to be shifting out to a lit’ work.

Came home to a long hot shower and a close shave; threw everything in the wash and plopped down back in front of the computer lol. One nice thing about a C++ compiler, it doesn’t care if your favourite t-shirt probably has more holes in it then a slice of swiss cheese :-P.

I’ve been working on a file system library and a command console for my present project; comparing the Windows and POSIX APIs for file system operations, I’m in the mood to paste a comparison later… haha. Present prioriteres are mapping data into both the source and release trees, hooking up the game console, and maturing the file system interface. Really the prototype will have a few quake like qualities in that regard, but that is only because ID Tech engines kick ass hehe. What I really would like is to load data out of ZIP archives and use a mixture of XML and Python script to extend things. We’ll see where the future goes.

Been playing a little bit of raven shield, set to some hard rock by way of www.pandora.com it makes a nice mixture. I’m still in a really pissy mood, think I might take up some OpenArena or something to pass the time for a bit more…

I’m so tired of this place.

I’m really not in a good mood right now. Tired and pissed off make for a piss poor pair. It just seems the more I’m here, the worse I feel; the more I know that something is missing from my world. Been fairly busy of late, mostly keeping myself busy, less time to think. It’s like just about anything that will fill space for a little while; rather then thinking about other issues. I’m also not looking forward to this coming week and such, because I know for what family has planned, is only likely to make me feel miserable in the long run. It’s been 21 years on earth, and I just know… being around family is usually a painful affair.

Plans as part of Operation Redeemer are more or less on schedule but things just are not going fast enough in the right directions to suit my needs; lately I feel like I’m just passing time again, but for different reasons. I draw breath, but what makes me move?

A short batch file that let’s me skip typing as much as possible when using vcbuild on my present projects.

@ECHO OFF
cls 
IF "%1" EQU "help" (
 ECHO %0 help           --  display this help
 ECHO %0 clean target   --  clean for "target"
 ECHO %0 target [run]   --  build and run "target"
 GOTO EXITPOINT
)

IF "%1" EQU "clean" (
 vcbuild /clean TheSolutionFile.sln "%2|Win32"
) ELSE (
 IF "%2" EQU "run" (
  vcbuild TheSolutionFile.sln "%1|Win32" && pathtothe.exe
 ) ELSE (
  vcbuild TheSolutionFile.sln "%1|Win32"
 )
)

:EXITPOINT

which is (obviously) saved in the same direction as my solution file. A trivial modification would allow passing the solution file through an environment variable, and one could always use vcbuild’s understanding of a lone project file in the present directory but I tend to keep a shell open to the same location as my solution file.

Then again, at the moment I am using a file system hierarchy that looks sort of like this for most of my current stuff:

...
SolutionFile.sln
Project/
  ProjectFile.vcproj
  Makefile # the big thing for conventional builds
  Makefile.compiler
  ...
  Source/
    *.c, *.cpp, ...
    include/
      *.h, *.hpp, ...
    lib/
      # project specific library files
  Build/
    Target/
      # result of compiling (e.g. 'make target')
  ...

So far I am getting pretty used to wearing these glasses, all in all it isn’t so bad. Whether it is a positive or negative impact on my appearance, well is beyond my immediate concern lol.

They have a tendency to slide down my noise under certain conditions, which I find irksome; makes looking UP more challenging since it causes my eyes to hit or pass the upper frames :-/. That however, I think is just a fact of living with glasses and summer time!

This new headset cost about $45 but so far seems to be worth it. The MP5 in SWAT 4 sounds like a proper machinegun rather then a ‘pop gun’, and the weapons in RvS sound much better. The depth of hearing music is much greater, kind of like listening to a Stereo system. I also like that the padding effectively creates ‘cups’ around my ears xD.

No matter what I do, it seems to be impossible to *live* with Windows as a system for getting things done.

This in particular pisses me off at the moment

>cl hi.c            --- simple hello world test
Microsoft (R) 32-bit C/C++ Optimizing Compiler Version 15.00.30729.01 for 80x86
Copyright (C) Microsoft Corporation.  All rights reserved.

hi.c
Microsoft (R) Incremental Linker Version 9.00.30729.01
Copyright (C) Microsoft Corporation.  All rights reserved.

P:TexLiveperltllib,P:TexLiveperltlsitelib,P:/Devel/Languages/Perl/site/lib,P:/Devel/Languages/Perl/lib,.
LINK : fatal error LNK1104: cannot open file 'P:TexLiveperltllib,P:TexLiveperltlsitelib,P:/Devel/Languages/Perl/site/lib,P:/Devel/Languages/Perl/lib,.'

No matter what abuse I subject the environment settings to, it is impossible to compile anything from the fucking command line. The directories specified appear to be a fusion of TexLive added PERL5LIB values and the “usual” for the installed Perl. Building things using the IDE and a conventional project, does not have such errors; likely because it ‘replaces’ nmake so to speak. Needless to say, this machine must have both Perl and TexLive installed, or I will raise more mayhem then playing DooM II:Hell Revealed on Nightmare!

This kind of error causes a bit of a problem when trying to build software that only supplies Makefiles for MSVC+nmake, rather then project files for the IDE.

I’ve used Microsofts operating systems since early MS-DOS and have cursed it every fucking year. I’ve used FreeBSD since 2006 and smile joyfully every year!

For the love of FORTRAN, why is it I can never find commercial software that I do not want to hex edit into the 8th level of DooM?

footnote: the number in the subject was meant to be python26s best estimate of 1024 ** 56725691612; so cool watching this been-nothing-but-trouble-since-year-one PC burn up resources calculating this randomly chosen number!!! Even more joy, was seeing the thing pop a MemoryError before it could conclude the operation, somehow I think this fits well; the amount of times this computer has pissed me off may as well approach ∞ for all intents and purposes.

Power just came on, after ~35 minutes of total black out. I put my shorts and sandles on, and walked arcoss the complex to see how localized it was – everything was out. The thunder has been pretty light and far off, but then again we tend to lose power during thunder storms lol.

The sad thing is, I walked into my room, bent over, and my hand nearly landed in the shoe box haha! Before that, I walked into the room and got the light I keep near my bed, I can move around easy in the dark…. I know where everything is that counts, and my night vision is excellent. I feel like a freaking cat lol. When ma put on a pair of dim candles, I could see in the living room as if the lights were on, and those candles emite about as much light as a pen light :-/.

Before the mass power outage, I was debating to code a bit first or join JB for a couple rounds; now I think I will join the server for a few games and code afterwards lol.

I’m not in a terribly good mood tonight, had to put up with H.R.P., plus I need to shower & shave for tomorrow, and I need to work out a build system – nmake style because I will fling my computer out a window if I’ve got to use Visual C++ lol. And I’ve got to get it all done early so I can go to sleep and be ready to be up at the crack of dawn for whatever H.R.P. wants to nit pick about before the doctors appointment.

She spent at least 15-20 minutes rambling in her usual way, I can only best describe her behavior as being a hurtful old rhymes with witch. So, I’m sitting there listening, face expressionless (for safety), and trying to eat during the first 5 minutes of the tirade. I honestly don’t give a damn what her choices of words are, words alone don’t bother me, so much as why someone would choose to use them. You could say, words can never hurt me but some people can :-/. Also if she wants to use an indirect quote of my words, as a way of lashin’ out, at least she could get something right. As opposed to say, missquoting, missing the point, spirit, intent, etcetera. I’m used to dealing with the kind of people, who you could say, “The pen is red and the ink is blue”, and they could here pen, find something to harp on at all exclusion of rationality, and might later try to convince you the pen is blue and the ink is red, lol.

It seems whenever my proximity to anyone in my close-family increases, the more utterly miserable I become. They just suck the life out of me :'(. There’s not really much I can do about it, it hurts more to hurt-back then it does to just drown silently, since the alternative is going verbal or physical to a much greater magnitude and nether are courses I am willing to chart. I’ve seen it to often, I’ve heard it to often, I’ve been ripped apart to often, to choose cruelty above all else; strangely it makes me feel even more the freak of the family. I am so like them in capability but not action, it is like carrying an executioners blade but refusing to draw it. Recent conflicts with her royal pain, also makes me think about /why/ I call her H.R.P. in digital commu. and remember something she once said about her own mother. Either way I suppose, something will work itself out in time, the question is just what will be left by then.

It seems that the one thing I desire most in this world is also always the furthest away.