sighs und curses

Been thinking a bit about a friends remark… A good mixture of delight and desiaseter in such thoughts but oh well. A spider can always dream. The odds of a girl friend as nutty about computers as I, is sadly slim. I’m the most “geeky” person I know in town. Aside from professionals with comute I’m also probably the only person in town who knows *nix.

Any way, I’ve been learning a new library. I’m some what able with the standard C library if a tad un-skilled. Not like I have many excuses for using every routine in my spare time xD So I’ve started on ncurses, much more interesting then GUI development IMHO because in a console level of usage. A good UI is a must, at least to be powerful yet eligent the way that Vi or Emacs are.

So far I’ve learned how to create a little window box and move it around with my arror keys. Not really useful but the concept it thought me was.

Mainly that we can loop threw calling getch() or simular routine till we get to our desired escape method. And use a switch/case setup to implement what we want to do on a given input. Like

/* from the file */
while((ch = getch()) != KEY_F(1)) {
switch(ch) {

case KEY_LEFT:
my_win = create_newwin(height, width, starty,--startx);
my_win = create_newwin(height, width, starty,++startx);
case KEY_UP:
my_win = create_newwin(height, width, --starty,startx);
case KEY_DOWN:
my_win = create_newwin(height, width, ++starty,startx);

This and the ideas that come to me with this concept. Blow my mind away, I never thought that much about it. Really the most I thought about such things were based on Javas AWT. Although I’ve writen very little Java and I like it that way. I probably am most familer with Java then any other high-level language but I really do prefer C.

Hopefully in time, I’ll learn a lot more and maybe can work on some thing I’ve always wanted to do. You see, one part of my studies has been to try and take what I’ve learned and implement some thing. In the paste I’ve used an integer calculator to redesign to test my understanding of various ideas. I remember the first one I worked on, maybe 2 years ago was testing my abilities with Functions when I first started to learn C++

One of my hearts secret desires has been to design a niffty text editor, dang I’d love it. I could learn so much and working on it would give me some thing to do. If I could, I’d even like to try and implement a ‘vile’ style that merges vi/vim/emacs commands into a single modal editor. Plus give me a chance to make GUI front ends, good excuses to learn more OO and GTK/QT, maybe add wordstar key setups as an excuse to learn them. Not really necessary but still it’d be a fun project for my young mind to toy with.

dang it, my minds starting to wonder off to the first paragraph of this post, time to hit Vi and play with gcc.


Made to feel like a floor flushing heel just because I’m trying to learna new library and toy with an old program. Well, new library for me if not for the likes of people like Bill Joy….

Is it my fault that I couldn’t work on stuff during the day after work? Well I knew she was gonna change her bloody mind about not going out shopping today. So I didn’t start any thing, sure enough she did. Ya get a feel for it after awhile !

So, out of the store by 2215Z (1715 local) and home to what? Chores x 3 different fields. Few spare moments before dinner to type of the ncurses version of hello world, didn’t even have a chance to compile the puke. So after dinner, after putting the leftovers away with a chaptor of R6 in between. And being stuffed full of leftover pie she wants to get rid of (from Christmas/NYE). I finnally got some time, so I boot my laptop. I had been doing the leg work on Vectra from ssh on SAL so I could use Vi and GCC without that vile cmd.exe, worthless terminal emulator imho. Ma’s watching the soaps, lucky for me I have zsh set not to beep a lot…

Ya know its not exactly my fault that Vi does not give you the greatest warning that your at the EOF other then a BEEP. Sheesh man, I’m trying to _L E A R N_ some thing and I’m made to feel like a crimenal. What the heck… Oh and of course since its not my ‘School work’ it doesn’t matter worth a damn eh? Well pluck you – people used to go to college just to get access to a frigging compiler years ago !!! Let along having the internet to help learn about such things. Dang gum it.

She’ll raise all hell, tackle a bison to the ground if it denies her Respect but you so much as make a sound while the soaps are on and your on top of Amercias Most Wanted. Shes watching TV, some thing I as a former couch potato must of my younger life admit. I don’t do often – I’d rather learn some thing. Does she care? Not a fricking damn bit. If it was in the name of my over due biology test rather then trying to learn my way around ncurses. And skim threw a few files in /usr/src. I think she’d still treat me like this…

Its a sad fact I’ve been learning these days. That a man can starve tp death on a full belly. Some times I wish, I didn’t know that Luke 4:4 was right in more ways then I first thought.

I try to be respectful of others, I’m sorry for the beeps. I even asked if she wanted me to switch to the desktop. I was using a TTYV or ‘Virtual Console’ instead of KDE, because all I needed was my shell, ssh client, vi, lynx, and gcc. No need for a big GUI for accessing a box w/o X11 eh?

I think, I hate my life…. dispair out rules joy I think, for me any way. To her Michelangelo’s Pietà and David are art. And yes it is very greatly so. But to me, so is every bit of what I see in the FreeBSD sources, some thing I want to study and learn from. Just as Michelangelo had once learned from the working of human bodies how to better create sculpture. To me, source code is a work of art if its done right. For me, things such as FreeBSD, Linux, Vim, are all works of art. I’d yern to study under a master programmer…..

Ysterday, we got a tornado warning. About 20 minutes heads up to get to cover. Two dogs /w collars + harnesses, ma, me, bird, newt, and fish in the bathroom with supplies.

Since Mikey (parakeet) has his cage on a table, a playpen on a few boxes (my old school books haha) and a close rack turned into a toy rack full of perches. All netted in with a thin mesh. We had to get him caged and out of there. I yanked off the computers, pulled the cordless phones/networking gizmos closer to storm time.

I’m glad that I got to stick to my operational doctrine. Leave no one behind, I’d rather blow away trying then leave them. The storm passed within about 7-15km so we where fine. Where we live we usually get no damage, trees sway but hold hehe. Mostly had rain but no wind/hail.

Prayer beats fear, and although I don’t think I quite learned it in the context En4cer ment. I get the idea that you don’t just sit there and take a dump. You keep going, firing, aiming, engaging, or you die.

Overload it !

Well, one thing I wanted to do with the little script I tossed together to rip out left over & broken symlinks from the Amarok.pbi. Was to make it possible to use it on any broken symlink. I redid it real nice and simple pattern options

i.e. grep for this and pass options to rm in case its needed. The only problem is that the type of file to track down was hard coded, i.e. ‘@’ or symbolic link. (man 1 ls). So I’ve made it much more compucated then it had to be to make it usable for just about any thing ls -F and file gives me. Usage is pretty simple and the path defaults to the current directory.

blgrep [path (optional)] [grep pattern] [rm options (optional)] [type, i.e. /*@%=|]

Still toying with it on how to improve its workings. Not really necessary to do any of this but I did enjoy the chance to get to know getopts/OPTARG/OPTIND, case and break/continue as they apply to BourneShell a bit more then I did. Doesn’t seem much different then what I’m used to really.

# broken link grep
# This was writen to track down broken symbolic links. With some modifications
# it has been made to grep other things to kill.
# Probably should rename this file rmgrep or some thing.

export PATH='/bin:/usr/bin'

D_FLAG="./" # Directory to list
G_FLAG="" # Pattern to grep files output for
R_FLAG="" # Options to pass to rm
T_FLAG="" # For sed in ls|grep|sed pipeline
OPT_FLAGS="" # Storage

usage() {
echo ""
echo "Usage: blgrep [ -d PATH -g PATTERN -r RMOPTIONS -t TYPE]"
echo ""
echo "PATH is passed to ls, PATTERN passed to grep, RMOPTIONS"
echo -n "is passed to rm. See ls(1) for the -F option for more"
echo " info on TYPE"
echo ""

hunt() {
for BL in `ls -F "$D_FLAG" | grep "$T_FLAG" | sed "s/$T_FLAG//g" 2> /dev/null`
DEL=$(file $BL | grep "$G_FLAG" | sed 's/:.*//g' 2> /dev/null)
echo Removing: $DEL
# Havn't tested R_FLAG since before the getopts conversion.


if [ ! $1 ]

while getopts d:g:r:t:h OPT_FLAGS
case $OPT_FLAGS in
h) usage;; # Help
?) usage;;

hunt # remove all matches

Live Op #5

My 5th live oop, a failure but a well done one.

Hexen made the map, Miles ran the op. Very good although I think it was morea job for Rainbow then the SAS 🙂

Profesional Tangos took over the bang, at least 3 hostages or more. All presumed in the upper conference room. GSG9 called in to storm it, mission failed. Hostage takers issued demands, SAS called in. Sniper support with eyes on Obj. Team:

Red One: SAS_LCpl_Leon
Red Two: SAS_Sgt_Wiz
Gold: SAS_Cpl_Spidey01 (EL)
Blue Two: SAS_Trp_Fox (2IC)
Blue One: SAS_Cpl_Rasa

Rifle-One: GSG9_Bones (SAS_Trp_Miles) on special loan from the locals for Sniper/Intel support.

I assigned the callsigns/formations since they elected me EL while I was away. With mostly the help of Fox and Rasa I sorted our plan of action. We would enter threw the side door of the [SAS]_Banking_House map. Clear the area and drop gas at the ends of the hall. Move up stairs, Red One and Red Two button hooking, slicing pies and dropping a gas on the risky side. Blue Two placing a charge while Blue One would cover me to clear to back rooms. As Red Team got in position on the other side of the Obj. I’d high tail around, place a C2 on the door while Red and Blow readied. I’d rejoin Blue Team and give the GO.

My charge would blow the far door from us open. Foxes Charge would blow our door. Wiz and Rasa would chuck in flashbangs to cover the room. While Bones (Miles) would snipe. Like this

| R1 |
| |
| b _______ |
| R2 / |
| | | |
C | Table | D
D | | C
| | | |
| | | B1 |__D___
D ________/ b | G |
| B1 W |


R1 = Red One B1 = Blue One
R2 = Red Two B2 = Blue Two
G = Gold C = Charge
b = Bang D = Door
W = Window

Red would bang and button hook Snipers-left, Blue would Breach Bang and button hook Snipers-right. I would blast the first charge (deversionary entry) and kick in the door to the adjacent room to take care of any threat to Blue, risky but clock work. No one would be in any ones line of fire, well maybe the hostages but you can’t help that.

Every one would give a clear, Fox (B2) would nab the hostages and I’d set up in the hallway and call a reform. If there was less then 3 hostages, B1 the Rear Guard (Rasa) would guard the hostages while Rifle-One covered with a sniper rifle and hide in a secure room near by. R1, R2, G, B2 would form up and move out going door-to-door-to-door bang by bang trying to clear the remaining (other half) of the upstairs as quickly and as safe as possible. We couldn’t be sure if their would be hostages in the other areas and we couldn’t risk the known hostages for them. If we whent precision clearing RvS style with no tacaids we would loose a hostage and compromise the mission. So any one out there had to sit tight.

If at least three hostages were there, we’d grab them and huzzle out to Exfil. Take a sec to catch our breath then start systematicly clearing the buildings other half till we got the other hostage(s).

Sounds great eh? Especially since we couldn’t have long sticks /w bangs to flash the windows or bang/breach & repel threw the things from the roof like IRL. All whent well till we got in side on the stairs. A door open at 12, hostage sighted and ran for us. Door to the target open at 3 (to hostage room) and tangos coming our way. Rasa got shot and he was the Rear Guard, then the hostage got shot. Some times life just tosses you a ball that smacks you in the head, can’t catch it.

Was a very good map, we also planned it like clockwork. I lead it, Rasa and Miles (Bones) being cheif advisors as possible. Every one got to do Q&C, nothing left to chance but dumb luck. Which shot us in the toe.

Since I screwed up and took the wrong tactical aids and it was like 1min into it. We did it again, Rasa brought a time machine 8=( They put it to a vote. Rasa, Miles, and Wiz voted yes the rest refused. Oh well, I’m not much on the idea for me its strictly one shot john. We did it by the numbers and got shot in the toe before we got upstairs haha. After that as per tradition after a live op success or fail. We played it Killhouse style.

Same plan failed, so we tried dymanic for fun (my idea) without any iron clad formation (Rasas idea). The plan was basically to bang threw, see if we could clear it quickly and still reach the hostage. Wiz wasn’t happy with it, nore was I really but I figured we could use a break for a round. After he left Fox modified the plan for safety and we did it. After one round I left b/c it was getting late. To late to walk the dogs after typing this =/

Oh well maybe I can code before supper…


I tared and bziped all the files I wanted to save from my home directory and
copied my /etc directory and /boot/loader.conf file to my recovery partition.

I opened konqueror and navigated to my smb shares to copy the 660MB.tar.bz2
file over. Thats not to bad for 800+ MB of files hehe.

Booted off the 1.3 install disk (disk 1) and slected an upgrade for my 1.3
install. Yes to allow NTP and BSDStats. THen it stated with the update.

Reboot whent without problem, it generated a new ssh keys e.t.c. I was unable
to login, I wasn’t sure if KDE wasn’t starting or if the update broke my login
database or some thing because I had rebuilt it after making some
configuration changes or what. I switched to a ttyv and tried to login, I got
as far as the new motd and bombed out back to getty with the error message that
/usr/local/bin/zsh didn’t exsist. Ok no problem there, logged in as root and
did a portinstall of shells/zsh

Desktop was mostly normal the only changes being my icon set and wallpaper was delted so I got the defaults. Even Vim which Iinstalled from source was removed. Aramroki.pbi is broken by this update:

Amarok could not find any sound-engine plugins. Amarok is now updating the KDE configuration database. Please wait a couple of minutes, then restart Amarok.
If this does not help, it is likely that Amarok is installed under the wrong prefix, please fix your installation using:
$ cd /path/to/amarok/source-code/
$ su -c “make uninstall”
$ ./configure –prefix=`kde-config –prefix` && su -c “make install”
$ kbuildsycoca
$ amarok
More information can be found in the README file. For further assistance join us at #amarok on

Gee thanks PC-BSD.

My USB stick does not automount when I plug it in. I don’t really mind since I tend to leave it in and have to mount it by hand. Now look at this:

Terry@Dixie$ mount /mnt/da0s1 17:24
mount: /mnt/da0s1: unknown special file or file system
Terry@Dixie$ mount_msdosfs /dev/da0s1 /mnt/da0s1 17:25

EXACTLY the samerly thing that was in the RC, fixed my ass. The onyl difference is it failed to mount the drive. On my fresh install on the desktop it auto-mounted to /media/LEXAR a temp mnt point that bypassed the documented /mnt/da0s* all together. On here I have to mount it specifically as a fat32 fs from the CLI.

Now very strangely every thing that was installed into /usr/local/ is gone. Yet for example wmclockmon and blackbox. They are no longer in the database /var/db/pkg according to pkg_info but they are still installed into /usr/X11R6/ so I think they did a booboo here. I’m very interested in just what exactly the installers upgrade feature does to my system.

The end result is that every PBI must be reinstalled from Seamonkey to Java. The least they could’ve done if they wanted to erase every thing installed into /usr/local period was to rm all in /Programs too. So now if I ever have a problem installing a new version of blackbox or any thing window maker before the translition is comlete. They will here from me directly !!

Even the entire linux compat was FUBAR. Realplayer.pbi made by Kris Moore RPM’d in its deps but they are gone. Yet the 1.3 upgrade installed a FC4 Linux ABI. Complete with linux flashplugin wrapper. Since I need gmake to build most stuff I know of using GTK, if QT needs any thing other then qmake probably you need gmake for QT/KDE apps too.

Luckly my gkrellm2.pbi is ran from my Autostart directory stright from the PBI in /Programs rather then my path. So no problem there. Copied over my wallpapers and its good I have the old icon sets as part of my KDE icon sets PBI that I was working on. It would auto install any of them if not detected and delete them all at removal if one wanted.

THANK GOD the new Kaffeine is more stable it was driving me crazy. At least I have some thing that will play .ogg files now danke !

Since my install of the allcodecs PBI installed to /usr/lib I don’t expect any problems with media playback unless I install some thing from ports. Personally I think I will just cut up the pbi db and rm most of /Programs/* and start over. At least my system seems stable. I see changes in /PCBSD/cardDetect but as long as I don’t have to screw around to get my resolution back I’m happy enough.

It seems they didn’t meddle with /etc to much good because I lost my backup of it. I fixed /etc/login.conf and a few fles to spec and rebuild the db. Think I lost al changes in /etc/ssh but I can borrow a copy from Vectra.

So far the half assed job of uninstalling software before hand and breaking most of my PBIs aside and making me have to type 2x as much to mount my USB stick aside. I’m happier with the upgrade then with the fresh install. I see they owned my loader.conf file so is it a wonder my Atheros card is not detected ? I’ll merge these real quick after checking the diff. I don’t know what they did that I see no sound drivers being loaded at without using loader.conf or defualts/loader.conf but hopefully it will help people getting sound working.

I loaded my wlan and ath modules and got back online in a snap. Unpacked my always on hand copy of the vim source code in /tmp and began to configure and gmake it with gtk20 support. The changes made to konquerors profiles were lost on me since I customized most of them in my home directory. I usually use PersonalBrowser and SmallExplorer or Kommander the ones I made any way.

To clean up the PBI problem I removed all broken PBI directories from /Programs.
I removed the scripts in /Programs/.sbin that they used. I removed the entries from /Programs/.config/ProgList after backing it up just in case. It says not to edit by hand but I don’t think I can do much damage with a backup in hand. Still I don’t trust any of the PC-BSD utils as far as I can throw a 100 Ton Atlas. I removed a few things in /usr/local/share that were left over. I changed over to /usr/local/share/applnk/My Programs where the K-Menu entries for PBI are kept. And eracticated the ones left.

I removed the borken links in /usr/X11R6/* and /usr/home/Terry/.kde/share/applnk/M Programs/. Of course I could have used PC-BSDs software manager to do most of this but I would rather keep that strong connection with my system that I have from regular usage. So far life is good, I’ll just make an alias or a script for mounting my USB stick and assuming that the Amarok.pbi is totally incompabible with PC-BSD 1.3 I will half to make some packages on my desktop and jet them over. Hopefully there won’t be much problem with it

So far the update looks to have gone good. Stabiltiy may be better then it was
before, software is up to date without me having to compile it all for 24
hours. BSDStats should now track my system and it seems the denyhosts stuff was
setup but I don’t think PF was, good I’ve been needing to read the manual on
that any way.

What was the cost? Downloading the install disks ISO and burning it to a CD-R.
Having to reinstall much software, most of which was installed via PBI or
stright from sources, having to clean up after the upgrade broke/remove it all
(I did it the harder way), Loosing my many icon sets and wallpapers. Lucky for
me I keep my wallpapers in my home directory and copy them over to KDE hehe ^_^
and I was working on a PBI full of icon sets. The highest price, Amarok my
favorite music player. Also my /usr/local/projects folder with the files for my
KDE icon sets, Amarok styles (lucky I have this one in my home dir), Ogle, Vim,
Blackbox, xmss and others that I forgot to backup before PC-BSD wasted it by

Oh wells theres always ports 🙂

Well it approches new years… I don’t have any thing I wish to say about the holidays at the moement. SO far, I feel as if I’m ready to spread out but I’m told to wear shoes two sizes to small. I could go so much further given what I need.. yet I’m stuck shoveling $|-|1+. To day at work I thought up an interesting project, one that I could use to teach me a lot more about Object Oriented design and implementations. Some thing I could sit down and attack it till I learned every thing I’d need to finish it, then vim around till it was a master peice some day. The end result? I don’t ph|_|{|<1||6 have the bloody time to do it. Ether to program it all or to learn what I need and would love to learn to do it. Finnally this weekend I get some time off, four days and I’m spending it on the servers. Get my fat NCO arsch back to duty. Even my studies for a new language have been going slow. I wanted to work on learning a word a day, complete with the words sex, spelling, and pronouciation.

PBI Backup and Recovery planning

Well to make a long story short. On my desktop every *mozilla program I install on BSD or GNU/Linux has funky issues with text fields, all other GTK+ apps are fine though. The only ones not to be borked are the PBI versions I’ve used on it and my laptop. So needless to say I was a little apprehensive about updating from Seamonkey 1.0.4 to 1.0.6. I like _stable_ software more then bleeding edge. Now I don’t mean to offend any one because I don’t but, huh ‘s content is not always ‘stable’ by the time its approved. So, having no way to reinstall Seamonkey 1.0.4. from PBI I desided I’d do a little test on how to back it up manually so I could reinstall it with the least effort. Now of course the fact that speed and power are to of my favorite reasons to use the command line, I’ll include a screen dump of my seassion as well as an explanation of doing it the *GUI* way. Be warned offten there is a /Programs/.sbin/program shell script to be backed up. I think its to do with making sure PBI apps use there /Programs/$1/libs directory, proper GTK/Pango crap and give us that annoying crash handler when they get killed. Any way here we go laddy. The best thing to do would be to open Konqueror as root, you can do that by using the K-Menu to find it, or type kdesu konqueror in konsole or use the run dialog. First lets look in /Programs/ to find are app, in my case SeaMonkey1.0.4. We want to back up this directory. A quick tarball will do the job, in Konqi you can do this with a right click since Ark is installed. I’d suggest ether a gzipped tar file or zip file depending on your needs. I keep my backups on ad0s1 which is a 20GB UFS2 partition. I have my mailbox and roaming profile on my USB stick so I backed that up as well. The “/usr/local/share/applnk/My Applications/Seamonkey” folder has our K-Menu entry so we want to back that up, beats rewritting the .desktop file(s). Plus to be safe and keep all my settings I backed up my ~/.mozilla folder. If this was a multi-user laptop a shell script would be good, I wrote a quick run’n’tosser in vi to back it up. If one wanted a script could be made to backup and restore the thing. After completing my backups I uninstalled the PBI and installed the new one, it had been downloading while I backed up.

Terry@Dixie$ cd /Programs                                                  4:17
Terry@Dixie$ su 4:18
Dixie# mkdir /Backups/Seamonkey1.0.4
Dixie# cd SeaMonkey1.0.4/
Dixie# ls etc pangorc include seamonkey.png lib share
bin libdata
Dixie# cd ..
Dixie# tar -czf SeaMonkey1.0.4_BACKUP.tar.tgz ./SeaMonkey1.0.4
Dixie# cp -r /usr/local/share/applnk/My Programs/SeaMonkey /Backups/Seamonkey1.0.4/SeaMonkey_KMenu_Entry.d
Dixie# mv SeaMonkey1.0.4_BACKUP.tar.tgz /Backups/Seamonkey1.0.4/
Dixie# ls /Backups/Seamonkey1.0.4/
SeaMonkey1.0.4_BACKUP.tar.tgz SeaMonkey_KMenu_Entry.d
Dixie# PBIdelete -list|grep -i Seamonkey
Dixie# cp -rp /Lexar/Mozilla /Backups/Seamonkey1.0.4/
Dixie# cd /Backups/Seamonkey1.0.4/
Dixie# tar -czf ./SM_Mail.tar.gz /Lexar/Mail
tar: Removing leading '/' from member names
vi /Backups/Seamonkey1.0.4/

export PATH='/bin'

for n in `ls /usr/home/`
cp -rp /usr/home/$n/.mozilla /Backups/Seamonkey1.0.4/$n.mozilla
Dixie# chmod 700 .//
Dixie# ./
Dixie# ls -l
total 45478
-rw-r--r-- 1 root wheel 19905054 Dec 24 04:26 SM_Mail.tar.gz
-rw-r--r-- 1 root wheel 26620953 Dec 24 04:20 SeaMonkey1.0.4_BACKUP.tar.tgz
drwxr-xr-x 2 root wheel 512 Dec 24 04:23 SeaMonkey_KMenu_Entry.d
drwx------ 3 Terry Terry 512 Dec 21 21:48 Terry.mozilla
-rwx------ 1 root wheel 129 Dec 24 04:47
Dixie# PBIdelete -remove SeaMonkey1.0.4
Removing SeaMonkey1.0.4
Running custom removal script
Removing Directory
Cleaning PBI List
SeaMonkey1.0.4 was removed successfully!

To restore it I could have put things back as the were. There was no .sbin/seamonkey file to backup that I noticed so I’d hope it would’ve still worked but. Alas thats PC-BSD…


Sheesh, between mothers, school, and demos my head hurts !

Installed MOHAA just for fun while I downloaded the ArmA demo. Our DSL got upped to a 2.9MBps down / 322KBps up range just in time to Download from a slow server. The game looks good but I don’t know how well I can play it. Needless to say I think my video card is lower spec then older models. Geforce 6200 and a TV Tuner not what I had in mind, I wanted a Geforce 6600 at least but I got a pre-build :@

The game is nice, I hope there will be a way to have focus follows crosshair style movement it would be kinda nice. It also looks like a game where it pays to top off the ammo supply before moving out.


Was reading a few of my old files, dunno if I feel better or worse from the thoughts incured.

I remember when I was transfering files to my desktop, most basically live on my laptop now. I cleaned up a directory of my personal writings. I delted a few and saved a couple. The book I was writing, balls never finished that. A little play’esq script, few old love notes…. closest I ever came to writing poetry.

*sigh* some times life sucks. My mind sure doesn’t help me any, I’m supposed to be sleeping but I’m wide awake.

Fuuy, maybe I should try to forget some of the past, good times with the bad and be done. Doesn’t help much though does it…

I’m going to bed, s’only work tomorrow. Same old boring labor, nothing new to learn.. I want to grow but I keep hitting the walls. If I could do more in the [SAS] I’d have joy in that but I still got to work. If I had the time to devote to study, I could maybe make a decent programmer or system admin but I’ve got work and school to do. Bastard of a system, who cares for tests about the ‘laws of english’ compared to artistry ? To me at least computing from a programming perspective is an art form, not a lot of people under stand that about me. To them its just me wasting time infront of a computer, to me its expression, its art, its design, its apart of me…

The more time I have to spend at it, the more often I enjoy it and the better I grow at it. Frig man, I’ve got my figers in C, C++, Java, Perl, Python, Ruby, not to mention sh script, and html/css markup. I might not be good at any of them but when your lucky to be able to devote more then a few hours a week. You can’t be expected to master a life time of ability over night.

**** it, I’m going to bed, worry about it later.