Only in my home…. Could it take more then 6 hours of work, to complete some thing that *shouldn’t* take longer then 20 minutes.

Well… at least it’s done, documented, and due for having a report written tomorrow lol.

Oh joy, I can just bet good money if I had any on how long it’ll take to do that…

I find myself in a place surrounded by lions.
My muscles may tense with the rage that powers them
Yet I cannot bring myself to strike at my enemies.

I yearn to strike back, rend them limb from limb as they do me.
Yet irregardless of how much I burn, how much I stir,
My arms will not budge, they will not strike.

Oh how I long… To let them feel as I,
To forget my humanity, to strike without remorse..
With that same animal fury as they, so unrelenting.
But to do so, is to walk into the same corrupting fires
That blaze about them, oh how those fires burn.

Even as I bid my heart, become as stone..
It constantly reminds me it is made of flesh.
And not made for such dark ends…

Whether ’tis to be the greatest fool of them all
or weakest creature of all, I bid it to end
before I look back upon all my memories
as just another picture to burn.

— Tue Apr 29 23:06:04 UTC 2008

Stuck workin’

I’m trying to code and what song do they have on the radio lol.

Work, work all week long
Punchin’ that clock from dusk till dawn.
Countin’ the days till Friday night
That’s when all the conditions are right.
For a good time
I need a good time.

Yea, I’ve been workin’ all week
And I’m tired and I don’t wanna sleep
I wanna have fun
It’s time for a good time

I cashed my check, cleaned my truck
Put on my hat, forgot about work
Sun goin’ down, head across town
Pick up my baby and turn it around
Good time,
Aahh, I need a good time

I’ve been workin’ all week
And I’m tired and I don’t wanna sleep
I wanna have fun
Time for a good time

HEY!

Pig in the ground, beer on ice
Just like ole Hank taught us about
Singin’ along, Bocephus songs
Rowdy friends all night long
Good time
Lord, we’re having a good time,

Yea, I’ve been workin’ all week
And I’m tired and I don’t wanna sleep
I wanna have fun
It’s time for a good time

Whew

Heel toe dosey doe
Scootin’ our boots, swingin’ doors
B & D Kix and Dunn
Honkin’ tonk heaven, Double shotgun
Good time,
Lord, we’re havin’ a good time

Cause I’ve been workin’ all week
And I’m tired and I don’t wanna sleep
I wanna have fun
It’s time for a good time

Shot of Tequila, beer on tap
Sweet southern woman set on my lap
G with an O, O with a D
T with an I and an M and an E
And a good time
Shhheww, good time
I’ve been workin’ all week
And I’m tired and I don’t wanna sleep
I wanna have fun
It’s time for a good time

Ahh, turn it up now.

A Shot of Tequila.
Beer on tap.
A good looking woman.
To set on my lap.

A G with an O, an O with a D
A T with an I an M with an E
That spells good time
A good time

Ohh, I’ve been workin’ all week
And I’m tired and I don’t wanna sleep
I wanna have fun
Time for a good time

Twelve o’clock, two o’clock three o’clock four
Five o’clock we know were that’s gonna go
Closing the door, shuttin’ em down
Head for that Waffle House way across town
Good time
Ohh, we’re havin’ a good time.
Ohh, I’ve been workin’ all week
And I’m tired and I don’t wanna sleep
I wanna have fun
It’s time for a good time

Ohh, I’ve been workin’ all week
And I’m tired and I don’t wanna sleep
I wanna have fun
It’s time for a good time

Ohh, I’ve been workin’ all week
And I’m tired and I don’t wanna sleep
I wanna have fun
It’s time for a good time

Ohh, yea, a good time.

I need a good time.

Yea, a good time.

— “Good Time”, Alan Jackson.

Haha !

Managed to get off work early today, that’s great from my pov since I usually leave work 15min late on Monday’s lol.

Unfortunately it’s after dark and I’ve still not gotten any thing onde, I really wish my family would /remember/ I’m not a fuk’n servant boy some days.

Break time though… starving lol.

FOOD now, work later… work in morning, ‘special’ operation in evening, so much for taking it easy.

before work…

Just a few minutes until it’s time to get ready for work today…

Things have a nice way of arranging it so I’ve got no time before hand lol. I don’t really mind having to work afternons on Mondays, but I would appreciate it if I _could_ get stuff _done_ during afternoons I’m home, rather then having to do things after dark until I pass out, or not at all in this place…

Be stuck at work all day so that leaves the until crack of dawn or point of no return mark (to be sleeping by or hate getting up for work tomorrow) in order to get things finished. That or cram it all into dead line day and really be driving out of my fscking skull trying to get it done with my family around.

Hmm… Wouldn’t it be fun to throw everyone out for about 6 hours… ? Lol

m/work/

Well, if nothing else over the past two days… I’ve at least gotten a chapter done with my book, and taken care of two issues on the website (y). I also managed to weasel through a little bit of code that might just go along way at making improvements hehe.

Spent a few hours relaxing in the proving grounds, didn’t want to interrupt the training in the other server. I dunno if it’s the time of day I usually /get/ to play or what, but PG#1 has been very laggy for me lately. Although I haven’t had any problems on TG#3 which also should be out in England lol.

For tonight my plans are working on a small analytical script for ringing alarm bells, this should be interesting lol.

The more I’m here, the worse I feel
It’s like wasting away, on a full stomach.
Every thing points to the past, will it never die?
As I long für the future, to hold all I seek in my hands.
Little more then that dream keeps my bones from breaking.

Oh LORD, why am I tormented so…
I know almost no peace, my enemies no relent, till I am bound and gagged.
I keep my mouth shut, less it bring the rain.
While the wild beats graze around me, in search of flesh.

All I can see, is the emptiness here, so far am I from my goals.
Even the slightest thought of them, makes me crazy.
Just to concentrate a moment on that sensation…
Of all the things that could be, my life fulfilled.

Why can’t I have release? Even for a time of rest, just to be at peace.
They come at me, as if thieves by night to take my life.
Fore they take every thing and leave nothing behind,
Nothing save the corpse of my heart.

Where there was once joy, they bring pain.
Where there was once love, they bring sorrow.
Where there was once tranquility, they bring rage.

I find nothing of what I seek here, only a battlefield.
Layered with mines and entrenched with barbwire.
Some times I think, I would throw it all away…
Even my very dignity, my very sanity just for a few seconds.

But I know, that path seals fates but never frees them.
So I continue to stand, although I may crack and crumble.
My body refuses to break completely, surrender is not a word I know.
Yet sadly, nether is peace a word I’m familiar with either.

I am given sweet bread to eat, but nothing else in this place
Where I feel bitterness around me, as the chains that bind me
Are forged ever stronger about me. Whether ’tis by my destruction
Or by my freedom, be they even entwined:

I yearn to walk freely through the light again.

— 2008-04-26

A very fine Italian expression comes to mind… couldn’t spell it correctly to save my life but it fits like a glove. In English, it roughly means:

Damn the misery !

Ninja Class, 2008-04-25T2000Z

Conducted my basics level ‘Ninja’ Class today in our Raven Shield server. Originally planned for Thursday, 2000 Zulu but moved to Friday 2000 Zulu due to business reasons 8=), then moved from [SAS] Training Grounds #1 to [SAS] Proving Grounds #1 for technical reasons :-(.

I think things went fairly well, first time I’ve done a training session in a good while now… first time in a long time I’ve done one without a lesson plan either, you could say I winged it lol. Split things into three phases, because working with Recruit Shadows stealth training was the primary reason behind the session. I tried to keep things basic enough for recruits, less Capt’n Rouge have my head but still keeping the session interesting hehe.

Started off easy trying to get peoples minds into the right mind set. Mindful of ones surroundings, the possible cause and effect of ones actions, and thinking about how we can be more stealthy in what we do so often. And how to adopt from our usual “see tango, shoot tango” functioning, while that works under Green Light conditions it don’t the rest of times. And when you doing recon ops, leaving 10 or 20 dead bodies behind doesn’t help things. Belive it or not, there is a lot more to stealth then slapping on a suppressor and trying not to blow any thing sky high on the way in.

For the second part of training, I moved us onto the warehouse level so I could give them some practical practice time. Cleared the immediate area of threats and had everyone form an element while I set up a patrol route in between the two main buildings. They had to sneak past me — I made the patrol route simple, so it was not very hard but still took some effort to complete.

My favorite part was when I turned around on my patrol and saw Ambu standing in the open and shouted ‘tango spotted’ and fired a warning shot, only to turn left and go ‘tango spotted’ as I saw Ghost — good to see that if I had been a real tango, Ghost was ready to put’em down before Ambu could be harmed. Another fun time was when they snuck all ~5 or so of them right under my noise and then I turn around and their all standing behind me hahaha. I also got Ghost to try the patrol route I set up, and I gave it a go myself and snuck past to the designated objective on my first go.

A lot of times when I do training, I’ll try to challenge people to do better. Like back with Rct Boone and Rct Mando two years ago, they thought it was impossible to do this one room without blowing the heck out of it with tactical aids. So I doubled dared them into taking the room without any tactical aids, full dynamic assault, and without using suppressed weapons to approach the target room. I tagged along with a light machine gun shooting at them trying to distract them and they pulled off the entry, cleared the room without a hitch, and were like “Wow, we actually did it”. While I’m standing here with a smile on my face, thinking “I knew you lads could do it”.

I don’t like to ask any one to do some thing I’m not prepared to do myself, that’s why in my training sessions I’ll often try and arrange for me to have a turn at tricky things. I can’t do worse then fall flat on my face in front of the recruits, and at best I can show it’s actually possible (y).

I remember I once set up a ‘room clearing challenge’ that was modeled after my personal training sessions but I made it even harder and posted it. No body was able to complete the challenge, not even me for a long time… so i started doing more dynamic training myself and I eventually scored a respectable spot on the score board, only name there but that one really nagged at me. How could I ask the recruits do complete a task I couldn’t? So I set out to train until I could, and I did it..

For the last part of training, I wanted to give the guys a chance to relax yet still keep on learning. So I set up a mini live fire scenario where we had to do a double-hostage rescue, rules of engagement red (aka fire on command), and minimise loss of stealth and enemies neutralized to the max possible.

It took maybe 4 or 5 tries but we eventually did the mission, 4 man element, about 3 tangos killed, two hostages rescued, but one causality in the process 🙁

What I really liked about the live fire scenario is I got to see my teammates at work. Setting up angles of fire on the risky threats while we snuck past, so if any one got seen, the tango would have a nice double tap to the head before they could fire. And communicating the positions of the enemy patrols among each other and adopting our plan and formation to the situation.

We also found a few bugs in the map that really made sneaking in some spots harder and once we got ‘stepped on’ so to speak which resulted in the entire element being either gunned down or blown up lol. Eventually though we did it with flying colours (y) but we got plenty of good practice in the middle hehe.

It’s nice to do training again, I really love to have a chance to teach people. Of all the tasks that have eventually found there way to me in [SAS], the one I’ve always carried out the happiest is trying to pass on my experience and what was passed onto me, to a new generation.

In a lot of ways, I think I’m really starting to get to be an ‘old man’ of sorts among my teammates… Although most of them are older then me by a good margin or just a few years younger. I’ve been apart of this team for almost 2 and a half years now. I think in a way, I’m kind of like how people such as En4cer or Shield were to my generation of recruits. I’m not the best teacher but I do sincerely try to help us move into the right direction.

You’re only at your best, when you accept the limit of your current abilities as such rather then seeking a way to better yourself.

And in the [SAS], we always seek to improve ourselves for the future.