Month: June 2009

Miserable night….

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My family does nothing but make the things missing in my life that much more apparent.

Reese’s monitors FUBAR so he came over to pik up his spare; so I had to put up with my mother and my brothers usual pissing contests. After listening to essentially the same set of conversations repeated at least 15 times, I started laughing and offered an analogy. “If two and two is equal to two and two, and two and three is equal to three and two,m and so on, do we really have to walk through the entire set of real numbers, which just happens to be pretty darn infinite?”. Combined with my comments on having to hear the same damn convo again and again and AGAIN! They eventually got the point and changed their broken record to another! 20-30 minutes later I said screw it, and sat down on the computer.

Family is excellent at using you, making you feel miserable,

One of the people we work for was having a computer issue and of course offered to help, in reply to her reply, I explained: there is being used and there is being useful, and I like to be useful; I left out that my immediate family only knows my name when they want something 8=).

Tonight I’ve also been badgered over my eyes which are not as good as they used to be; being cooped up at home so much with nothing else to do but sit in front of a computer, what do you expect? And that I obviously will need glasses (or contacts, not that I was asked which in their debate 😎 before I’ll be able to get a license. (Duh, I’m not a dumb ass!) And the list just goes on – I’m tired of putting up. I love my family dearly but I honestly wonder why I have bothered to speak to any of them, since at least 1995~1994; the year reference is because by 1995~1996 I already knew things were headed for the shits, and had already been so miserable for a good while….

I really don’t want to have much to do with my immediate family. I think if I ever moved out, I’d probably call them each once a cycle and leave it at that for the most part, lol. It’s just less painful to avoid unnecessary involvement. In my general opinion, I think they really ceased to “know me” years and years ago: when me and a few friends were essentially swapping how well do you know me type quizes, in writing mine, I had a sinking feeling at what my family would do if given it (I don’t dare lol).

All in all the more I am around them the worse I feel, and ever more so do I long for what I seek in life: and wonder if I shall ever find it. It is the hope of finding what I seek, that keeps me moving, and I refuse to be shaken.

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You know… I am basically living on about 1 1/4 to 1 2/3 litres of water a day, and since I’ve mostly given up on snacking/junk food, basically 2 meals a day on average lol.

I’m not quite sure if that is good or bad o/.

Another reminder of my life in darkness

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I was sitting on near the foot of the bed with the laptop, puttering about on IRC and hashing out some stuff in vim, etc. When I see something black with 6 legs scurry along the edge of the bed to my right – a cockroach. Despite having a prior “inmate” in it from this morning, I managed to get it into the bug catcher without much problem.

The things that bother me?

I saw it in my peripherally vision well enough to identify it, as well as gauge threat level.

Leaning over, I could see it in great detail

I managed to get off the bed and begin the capture procedure without alerting it (vibrational)

Turning on the lights wasn’t necessary to improve my vision… it was plain as day without them.

and I was more alert then the dog :-/. Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t have a cat, lol.

What can I say, I’ve been forced into the dark for so many years…. my eyes and brain practically work like light amplification goggles -> I’m not even going to comment about how it feels to ride in a car on an unlit road at night, lol. Even worse, I have yet to lose my mastery of stealth. I can still maneuvre and creep with remarkable ease for a civi; learned out of necessity. In my reading of the Count of Monte Cristo, when it mentioned Edmond’s vision in the dark, I couldn’t help but feel, “Dang, it’s not just me then”. But alas, to late now.

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Right now the only positive aspects of life, are the animals and the computers… that’s the most joyous thing I can think of, outside continuing to breath in and out. The realization of my goals through Operational Redeemer are imperative at this point, for the sake of my spirits survival.

In a way I think I have become greedy due tomy time on the Internet; being treated like a human being rather then an animal, can really spoil ones stomach for life in this family. I am tired of being treated like an asset, like a machine (actually, I treat my machines better then my family treats me lol). Most of the time, I feel like the only time anyone knows my name is when they want something; and that is about it. Capping it all off, I am virtually stuck here with subjugation not far away. Today only further ratifies my POV that they nether care nor listen; it is time to go for broke, and plod on with these aims.

It will be years in realizing my goals of being free again, and I fear in some ways the pace of movement is much to rapid for maintaining stealth. Betraying the presence of any concerted efforts would be dentimental to Operation Redeemer. In order to have the best odds of success, I very much want everyone to be like a frog in cool water; my liberation must be like slowly raising the heat until it is to late to be actively opposed by anyone. I’ve always considered myself to be calm, cool, and calculated in whatever actions I plan out throughly ahead of time: but this is at uncharted depths. I’ve yielded more then a decade to this misery, only to watch the shackles bind me ever more closely. I grow weary of crawling through darkness in search of a light, so tired, so very tired… Some day I will leave this place behind and GOD as my witness, I will never have to suffer like this again. My patience is renown here (as my family is as patient as a gold fish out of water), but this operation will stretch its timbres to the breaking point. but will be well worth it… or so I pray.

Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!

— Patrick Henry, 1775-03-23

reStructured Text, intersting…

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Hmm, reStructedText / rst is looking to be very interesting the closer I look at it — maybe the next best thing to Plain Old Documentation / POD.

I could see this stuff possibly displacing a major chunk of my use for LaTeX and troff, since I have little need for typesetting mathematics or other complex stuffs (think troff p*-processors), it could be quite valuable! Of course, I would have to mate it with the m4 macro processor (or roll my own, or just abuse and filter the C Pre Processor hehe) to get exactly what I would want, but hey, it would work pretty nice!

It would have one chief advantage over LaTeX, not even the people I have to share documents with on occasion, could foul it up toooo badly… lol.

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You know, SWAT 4: TSS is really starting to spoil me :-/.

You might have to shoot the stupid prick 6 or 9 times to take him down, but you can be sure the bullets are hitting where the gun is firing ^_^.

Since I tend to follow up with head shots in S4 more readily, it is even more comfortable lol.

A short rumble on RvS weapons design

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I think arguably one of my biggest beefs with Raven Shield is the aiming fundamentals.

In real life the muzzle represents where the bullet comes from, obviously; however in Raven Shield it is closer to the eyes or eyebrows, despite the animations — its the top of the head that must be “clear” of an object in order to shoot around or above or under it.

The level of accuracy you have has nothing to do with reticles or scopes, it is all about magifnication. If you fitted a snipers scope to an H&K MP5A4 you would be incredibly accurate compared to firing zoomed without scope from the same weapon. In real life, well obviously you would have a pretty darn good scope in such a scenario — but you would not be able to exceed the precision your weapon is mechanically capable of offering. Raven Shields precision is a factor of accuracy rate and magnification. In my experience the accuracy rate only reflects how much you must “feel” your point of impact, more so then what the weapons can do. Fit a sniper scope on a Mac 9/11, and you basically create a 9mm clip fed light machine gun xD. I should know, when I was in my skills “prime” as an [SAS] Trooper, I was able to score headshots at 30-50m using our double tapping training and a Mac 9/11+SD. I also wonder how Raven Shields accuracy is effected by changes in screen resolution; all of my game play has been done on 800×600 and 1024×768 resolutions, running respectively on 15″ and 19″ CRT displays.

Whether through game design of latency in the online game play (most of which in my experience does not have to much to do with PING time), often it is as if bullets never go where they are physically required to be going. Imagine looking down your rear sight, with your front sight not even within view… that’s what I sometimes feel; often times I make remarks about firing a potato gun. That is because what you are shooting at has no real connection to what you are hitting; I have even seen bullets land BEHIND where the tango was standing, only to be killed by said tango. Also just recently I enjoyed the experience of firing down a scoped M1 shotgun zoomed on the tangos upper chest (full run, straight at target) only to have the shotgun shells entire payload (buckshot) land 1/3 a metre to the targets right crus; effectively the lower right hand corner of the screen. While I reckon this is possible in real life, it doesn’t connect with the reticles in game; as I have often held the theory, the reticle spread does not actually reflect where you bullets can go — only where you are aiming. That’s also why I can use an H&K MP5A4 without attachments and no reticles, just using the on screen gun and reflexive shooting in RvS.

Raven Shields model of penetration, damage, and general ballistics is also screwed. Normally I fire 2-3 round bursts on fully automatic, but when having to shoot through a window I’ve developed the 1-2 punch. Use an initial trigger pull to shatter the window and the follow up (full) burst to drop the target. The initial bullet may or may not penetrate the glass and do meaningful damage to the threat, so it can not be relied upon. Using a 3-round burst can also be suicidal in some cases. Use of Jacketed Hollow Point ammunition especially exacerbate this problem. The only good thing(tm) about it, it only takes 1 bullet to completely break the glass; if the tango fires just after your first shot, well you are dead. I have often wondered why there seems to be so much bullshit surrounding the use of Sniper Rifles up close, being able to do more damage with a P228 pistol (9x19mm Para) round then a suppressed WA-2000 (7.62x67mm Magnum) round; at a range of less then 3 metres. Where in, damage is defined as the number of times my pistol has killed the tango in 1 hit, but the sniper rifle has required 2 hits. After some time, I have concluded that the FMJ/JHP problem in SWAT 4, which has to do with muzzle velocity, mass, range, and force needed to penetrate, appears to be the cause. Weapons like the M82A1 fire at such a high MV, that the bullet over penetrates the target without doing enough damage. After many weapon tests using both JHP/FMJ loads with and without a sound suppressor in Raven Shield, I have come to believe this is the case. I have also begun to think this may also explain why the FN P90/Five-Seven, after all we are talking about a muzzle velocity in real life that is nearly double an MP5s… lol.

And needless to say, when you have a weapon designed to deal a killing shot from over 800m away, having to hit them twice at 3m is kind of retarded if you are packing a gun big enough to kick the fucker on his ass, even if it doesn’t kill him (^_^)/.

I suppose I should just count myself lucky that RvS doesn’t screw up FMJ/JHP loadings as bad as SWAT 4 does.

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*sigh* after smashing my toe into a step on Saturday (The joys of working on your day off!), I think the nail dug into the side of the toe… which was almost properly healed: now everything is even more fuxor then it was previously! Just finished soaking it, this is beginning to piss me off, the only good thing I can say is that I ain’t lost the nail _yet_.

It’s probably a good thing that I wasn’t energetic enough for exercising this afternoon. I can’t really do anything that needs to put pressure on my larboard big toe, which rules out a lot without walking in sandals lol,

Spent most of the day in SWAT 4 playing with COT, Walker, Cara, and a few others. As long as I am on the EU proving grounds, I don’t seem to get to much bad lags in SWAT, kind of ironic when you consider that I am an American (^_^)/. I very much try to keep myself current in all fields of SAS gameplay, among others hehe. The onyl time I’ve saw fit to lax that, is during my tenor as SSM, in which I took care of RvS as my fellow SSM Rasa oversaw SWAT4, all the while with RSM Rouge being our direct superior. When I became RSM, the only thing I welcomed with the position was being able to return to equal-attention between both games.

I’ve always preferred SWAT 4 since SWAT 3 became historical interest, yet “back in the day”, it was more economical on time for me to complete the selection course though RvS, SWAT 4s had not even been developed yet lol. I think SSM Noer was our second recruit through SWAT, and the first of many Mighty Troopers.

I also have a habbit of being where ever the best recruitable material can be found ;).

Oh give me a project ….

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Oh, give me a project, where the perls roam,
Where the join() and the split() play,
Where seldom is heard a discouraging error,
And the Makefiles are not cloudy all day.

Project, project on the web
Where the map() and the grep() play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging warning
And the lusers are not cloudy all day

How often at night when the heavens are bright
With the light from the glittering stars
Have I stood there amazed and asked as I gazed
If their glory exceeds that of ours

Project, project on the web
Where the push() and the pop() play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging error
And the Makefiles are not cloudy all day

Where the code is so pure, the expressions so free
The operators so balmy and light
That I would not exchange my project on the web
For all of the jobs so bright

Project, project on the web
Where the reverse() and the sort() play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging error
And the warnings are not cloudy all day

Oh, I love those wild regex’rs in this dear land of ours
The lusers, I love to hear scream
And I love the white $scalars and the @list flocks
That defref on the mountaintops green

Project, project on the web
Where the substr() and the eval{} play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging die $!
And the warnings are not cloudy all day

— missing my favorite language

GCC spitting error: stray ‘1’ in program (etc)

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Ok, so I am wondering why the bloody heck I’m getting messages like main.o:x:y: error: stray ‘1’ in program and related errors * near infinity whilst nitting object files into an executable .

Note to self: never allow your Makefile to say g++ -x c++ foo.o … -o program !!!!

I don’t know what is worse….

(EDIT: actually this reminds me, a friend said it sounded like an encoding error; and in retrospec it looks like GCC was interpreting main.o as a C++ file because of the -x flag lol)