Jokes

This one’s just for the geeks…

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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must work in Information Technology” says the balloonist.

“I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well” says the balloonist, “Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”

The man below says, “You must work in business.”

“I do” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
 — Business Partners

My chuckle of the day, 2009-12-21

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One notable feature of .fetchmailrc syntax is the use of optional noise keywords that are supported simply in order to make the specifications read a bit more like English. The ‘with’ keywords and single occurrence of ‘options’ in the example aren’t actually necessary, but they help make the declarations easier to read at a glance.
The traditional term for this sort of thing is syntactic sugar; the maxim that goes with this is a famous quip that “syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon”.[88] Indeed, syntactic sugar needs to be used sparingly lest it obscure more than help.

— The Art of Unix Programming

I’m sorry, but do I look like a moron?

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I spent some time getting stuff sorted on SourceForge, until I was interrupted by [SAS]_Rct_ESCRT, who was being plagued by a trio of Dummköpfe terrorizing our SAS Proving Grounds server. After resolving trouble via remote, I chose to enter the server and deal with things “Personally” and give the vagrant offender one last chance. In the end, these trouble makers with many names were sorted when the worst was banned. The screen shot below sums up him and his friends efforts:

One thing I failed to tell them in that moment, is I was also the Web Admin from before, who Feldjäger tried to convince me his buddy was talking to 8=). On top of that, I also forgot to mention that I had kicked him previously, but I didn’t want them to feel tooo stupid.

Maybe I am not terribly bright at times, but hey, I am not a fool!

Chuckle of the day, 2009-09-13

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Lucas entered into a wager with long-time friend Steven Spielberg during the production of Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Lucas was sure Close Encounters would outperform the yet-to-be-released Star Wars at the box office and bet 2.5% of the proceeds of each film against each other. Lucas lost the bet and to this day Spielberg is still receiving proceeds from the first of the Star Wars movies.

— source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars_Episode_IV:_A_New_Hope

A recent laugh

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[21:55] my friend: Millions of Women Find Sex Unbearable
[21:55] me: They must have overweight husbands

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read later, code now; most code… addicted to coding?

http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/computer.html

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The programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can’t find a girlfriend with a good <HEAD> on her <BODY>, reason 0 being that he has limited cache. So he searches his memory to recall connecting to the TCP/IP tunnel of his last girlfriend — sometimes even without a secure socket. His last girlfriend always complained about his lack of comments. He fumed, “I hate commenting!” Realizing it was a program requirement, he told her she had nice bits. This resulted in a Syntax Error. Now she demanded a massage, but this was rejected as “Feature Creep.” He smacked her back-end and shouted, “Who’s your parent node?!” He scanned for open ports. He attempted to install a backdoor worm but her response was 403. While his data uploaded into her input device, she considered terminating the process. But instead she initiated a Do While loop where she recalled a previous boyfriend with a larger pointer. To expedite the routine routine, she screamed, “Hack into my system! Hack deep into my system! You’re 1337, baby!” This caused his stack to overflow, and he shot his GUI on her interface.

found: http://www.devtopics.com/best-programming-jokes/

chuckle of the day, 2009-08-06

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In my web surfing I found this comment, in regard to “Programming languages” and not compilers/IDEs/etc;

Support (Critical bugs instantly fixed instead going to version 2,3,…, with more changes, more complexities, new bugs)

Some how, I feel like laughing…. a programming language (it’s tools aside!!!) should not contain bugs, it should create bugs lol.

Old remarks

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Was searching through the forums for something En4cer or Rouge said a year or two ago, when I found something I once posted about tactical fire & maneuver used in films:

* for context, IRL = In Real Life; IHW = In HollyWood

My list of differences between Real world Elite and Holiwood Elite.

IRL a 9mm probably will bounce off a windshield at 50m

IHW a 9mm will take out the engine block of a truck if its on Full Auto.

IRL a solider might not have a full mag all the time, to prevent jams. (editors note: not all are created equal)

IHW, magazines have bullets 4 a breast so you can reload off camera

IRL a [good] solider can snap off a head shot at 50m /w an MP5 as fast as they can think.

IHW, the hero can pop the running squiral in the left nut at 25m with a sling shot.

IRL, a 12.7mm M2 || M82 will make your day.

IHW, some how a pistol packs more punch then a 30mm Gatling gun.

IRL, you want strong cover like a CBS wall so bullets won’t penitrate.

IHW, you can use a lamp post or a dead guy as cover agasnt 7.62x39mm ammo.

Some how I can’t help but chuckle whenever I think about that running squirrel part xD. For some reason the Last Action Hero also comes to mind…