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I’ve been in a miserable mood all day, the kind of mood where you just wish you could sink through your chair and never be heard from or seen from again. Aside from being dragged out on occasional errands, I’ve been cooped up here since Friday, and I ran out of stuff to get done back on Thursday. Everything else has been just busy work.

There is nothing to do until Tuesday, absolutely *_nothing_* !! Except wait on a royal pain of a mother hand and foot, while cleaning up after the dogs o/. That’s it. Other wise I may as well be passing time, staring at the **************ing ceiling. On top of that Tuesday will be a total wash out as well, if HRP doesn’t cooperate with the road time.

Tried several sets of exercises while the dog was napping, and almost set a new personal speed record – from when I was still in great shape! I’m going stir crazy. What next, slamming my head into walls, or pacing the room like a caged animal?

So far I’ve tried to fill the day with sessions of Ghost Recon & Urban Terror, even tried a little F.E.A.R. before finally installing Quake IV. It’s not even a challenge: about two hours into the game and I’m almost half way through the third or forth chapter :-/.  I haven’t even been taking the game seriously. Once you’ve beaten a game on the super human settings, they just don’t put you through the paces on the more normal settings, even if you have played them in ages. I’ve beaten most of the games that I own on the maximum difficulty settings over the years, from FEAR/Quakes you’d have to be insane all the way to several bouts of Halo on legendary (fun). What CoDs I own, I’ve beaten several times on the maximum difficultly/no recovery levels, it’s boring. What next, load up Hell Revealed, and set it to it to Nightmare mode? There’s so many daemons to slay on those maps even w/o respawns, that it’s almost a chore to sweep the maps clean.

The only thing that’s been a challenge lately is UrT, because it combines years and years of core skills (typical tdm) with too many years of close quarter tactics. The damage model is such that to master Urban Terror, you have got to get GOOD at accurate shooting under pressure, and you’ve got to be ready to fuse the old skills of a QuakeWhore with room entry techniques.  The failure drill is the almighty standard of survival in that game. When respawns occur every 3s, it’s not even that important, unless you want to win.

Been playing video games since I was in diapers, it’s become rare to ever find a game that is really hard. I don’t even bother to memorise things, I just take it fresh through each time. On the odd chance I get sth new, it’s rarely able to put me through my paces. The only saving grace is multiplayer.

There’s just nothing left to do… :-/ I can practically feel my brain boiling. Being idle drives me out of my skull, I’m the type that has to always be working on something, ffs I would end up polishing door knobs or painting ceilings if I ever had to ‘retire’.

*slams head into a support wall*

I’ll never understand why some periods of time, feel several times more exhausting then they should…

What part of asking “How far it is” and being told “The default route is …”, is so damn confusing about the possibility of multiple routes?

Honestly how stupid is my family.

In my mothers whining that nothing she ordered done yesterday before heading out the door was done, except for keeping the puppy out of trouble, which she made explicitly clear as priority numero uno by barking at me until she finally walked out the door, thus letting me get things done in the first place.

I can’t help but think that I’m working on day three of finishing something I should have finished two days ago in less than an afternoon, if I had had the luxury of being able to work on things in the first place.

And that I’m currently on month 6 of trying to get a driver license, a task my mother has droned out to this length, when it should have been completed within a couple weeks… I didn’t bother to mention that.

Tried to get through work by focusing on code, because I know if I focused on anything else, I’d likely be nuts by the end of it. Main problem was my body screaming “Sit down and eat ferociously” the whole time :-/. I’ve been trying to adapt a friends advice about eating more regularly, but still the mornings leave a lot to be desired.

Most of the times I’m seriously hungry before mid afternoon, it’s so early out, I’ve basically have to weigh between making to much noise and roughing it. If I wake up her royal pain (or the dogs who then wake her up), I get cussed at for the rest of the day, and much more dentimental side effect of it: not being able to get stuff done, while she sleeps :-(. I need to think up something to eat early on in the day (eh, night, morning, whatever) without getting compromised. Gotta put those ninja skills to use…

Yesterday I tried playing a bit of Urt for a change, but soon took a break to sit down and read. Got  so fatigued that I ended up stretching out for a nap.  There’s an Italian word that comes to mind, the only translation to English I’ve ever been given, is generally like walking into walls / staggering like a zombie. That kind of tired :-/.

I tried going back to sleep, after waking solidly up around 0200. I keep dreaming of combat or coding. I rarely dream about code…. lol. My brain is rubber banding all over lately. It’s like take a bean, throw it in a can, and start shaking: that’s what my train of thought looks like.

Did manage to get something ‘somewhat’ productive done yesterday, and the Yorkshire brigade has finally returned home(!) so that’s two less to drive me batty. I made a list of potential driving destinations, there’s about 11 items on the list. Most are in the 30-50km range, but there’s actually nothing to do there except drive back lol. The only real entry on the list with a purpose for going, are the nearest (serious) computer shops: over 100km away. After a decade of living here, I can understand why there are so few geeks in this burg o/. Also on the list was one destination that ma has expressed interest in over the months: Savanna. That’s more than 360km away by a straight line… that would put an indent in the driving hours I need. Right now things are about 21.5 hours total, out of the 40 hours required. I got totally shafted for night driving over this now past weekends ‘extra’ work.

Spent some time trying to zoom in on HTML5, Ruby on Rails, and studying the Boost & POCO C++ libraries more closely, when I an keep my mind straight enough to deal with it. To all over the place to really do much coding lately, 🙁 🙁 :-(.  I find RoR intently interesting, even though I generally despise web development as an exercise in annoyance.

Only have two days work for the week, and today should be fairly short; tomorrow is most of the day gone. I’m hoping maybe Fri/Mon, maybe her royal pain might take a crack at the desintiation list I prepped. Within about an hours notice, I could do some bit of route planning. If nothing gets done, I’m not going to have any recourse left, except to start applying contingency plans from a few weeks ago, and live with being driving out of my fucking mind over it. If I can’t get help with the driving, there is only one way to go: by foot.

I really need a long vacation… something without stress jacking, something that can actually be peaceful. What was the last time, I actually could get more than a few weeks running at a normal persons stress margin? I wish to forget most of 2007..

Gah, how the flub early am I waking up, if it’s not even 1400 local yet :-S. It feels more like 1700-1800 than just moving itno the afternoon…

Gotta love getting out of bed after waking up for the second time, and feeling ready to slam your head into a wall because you’re ride awake; only to notice the clock across the room reads 0139 :-(.

The Yorkshire Brigade is now officially barred from my room, and a large amount of cleaning almost completed—I may end up sleeping in my chair. I love all animals in general, and I get along very well with dogs, but do enough damage, and I’m erecting barricades >_>.

Willow and Coco at least, have the decency not to do tooo much damage. The worst they’ve ever done, has been destroying bed covers and ripping up carpets, that’s pretty mild lol. Hahah, just as I was typing nice of her, Willow had to go claim my uncased pillow as her own, and didn’t like having to yield it back 8=). Courtesy of the yorkies, everything is in the washing machine! I’ve set spare (crappy) monitor and a damaged one as an interim barricade. Willow can jump over, or babishly wait to be picked up, lol.

For some reason, my experiences with toys breeds tend to have been with dogs that are dumb as bricks. I actually proscribe Willows level of intellect, to whatever breed(s) she’s mixed with lol. If anything, the only small breeds that I’ve seen that are smart, have been types of Terrier, like the Rat :-/.

Two yorkies and one obsessive-annoyance of a mother, have mostly deverstated the place o/. I probably should’ve held off on cleaning for another month.. lol. Between the lot of them, it’s difficult to go more than 15-20min without interupts, that’s still life as usual; only double up on being cussed at. The only good thing is my driving hours are now in the 21.25-21.5 block, even if I’ve been totally shafted on getting any night driving. HRP can’t stand the dark, so much for growing up after passing sixty.

I hate days that are largely the passing of time…