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I made it off to work with a bleeding toe again, not as bad as yesterday though, I really miss having 10 healthy toes… but at least nothing landed on my foot today, for a change. Getting through today was an exercise in exhaustion, my stomach wasn’t very happy. I blame it on having 4 helpings of food last night but nothing to eat this morning :/. After getting home, I had a quick cookie to tide it over until dinner time.

Nearly twisted my left hand and fingers off getting the car loaded, had a bad slam into the car frame. I was able to send my arm into the motion to minimize the strain on the joints, but two of my fingers are still sore from it. They’re not going to get any rest either, because while much of the illiterate-majority of computer users are largely mouse bound, I’ll hang someone by their rats tail if I can’t go keyboarding! I type with ten fingers at mental speed, so if I couldn’t type, it would be like a normal person losing their voice lol. The trobbs are starting to subside somewhat, hopefully it won’t be swollen by work tomorrow. Maybe I’ll grab some server time tonight as a stress test.

Last night I took about an hours break from existing projects, to work on a rough prototype for part of an “SAS Realism” skin that I’m interested in making for SWAT 4. There are two different directions I can see it going in, so I started work on a mock up of one. In working on Cara’s armour vest, I had to do a little removal operation on the textures in order to get the text just right; doing that is pretty trivial but left it rather unsightly. In order to make it look good, I had to learn something new, which created a very nice looking end result for the vest textures. To solve the problem, I just looked at it like a sketch and tried to adapt what I would have done to paper, to the laptop in front of me. I chose to take an hours break and work on the mockup so I could refine the technique a bit more, might come in very handy with the next phase in doing Caras skins.

When I was at work, I was thinking a bit more about starting to draw again. The more I learn about the computer side of things, the more it looks like the same concepts are used with a different set of tools. At every opportunity to prove other wise, my mother constantly manages to prove that I can say *nothing* around her without paying a price for anything she finds disagreeable 8=). So, I’m probably not going to return to using paper anytime soon; especially when computers are better creators of privacy around here. Doing graphics on computers has never been my strong point, but it consistently gets easier the more I have to work on images. Someday maybe I’ll be able to do whatever I want through software like GIMP and Photoshop; and it is always nice to have something time consuming to work on, it can be very good therapy. I think I’m going to give it a go in the near future.

With my brain in a deeper level of thought from all of that, I also came up with some ideas needed for moving a program I would like to write into implementation phase. I’m always happier when I’m working on some code then when I’m not. The down side of course, is it usually means much less sleep! Since it was working on her custom skins that started this logic chain, I’ll probably have to thank or curse at Cara later on lol.

It’s just a few more days left to go…. Tues, Weds, Thurs, Fri; then I have 3 days off work. THe miserable thing, I haven’t a damn thing to do, that doesn’t come from popping from the todo list!

Right now it’s just as if everything is passing, but nothing is moving. Damn it, this is unnerving. I feel like I could be awake for another couple hours… probably will be tossing and turning for at least an hour. I wonder tentatively if I’ll ever find peace. Whenever I lay down to sleep, there’s nothing to occupy my mind as it drifts to sleep; as such it gains an unhindered measure of exploration. The thoughts never end, never. Ironically during the day, if I have nothing to occupy my mind with, I end up getting drowsy: at night I end up wide fsckin’ awake!!!

Peace ceased to be apart of my life a very long time ago. That which remains, is black and empty, maybe it will always be so.

This lack of sleep is driving me crazy… is it really to much to ask for, a simple bit of peace? Why is it so hard to come by such a trifle, it’s just sleep. Going nuts.

So far I’ve managed to write a quick script, that should take care of updating my laptop tomorrow afternoon; took to long getting the files downloaded to worry about running them tonight lol. That however, just passes the time, it doesn’t fill it. To easy, there’s no challenge in it and not very much distraction either :'(. At least, it’ll save me the trouble of another week-long update cycle, if I keep pace with things (like normal).

Tried reading some of the Count of Monte Cristo, but not even that calms my mind. Sometimes the past can be a path riddled with glass, if you have a long memory; and I have a very long memory. Sigh, 0430 local has passed… time to be heading to bed, if I’m ever going to get up on time tomorrow.

I’m so tired of all this shit,what does rest even feel like? Does it even have a sensation to it? I haven’t known it in such a long time. As darkness comes, the light retreats; as sun rises, so does the flames.

*sigh* it’s around 0400 local, I’ve been to tired to do much of anything tonight yet to awake to sleep. I’m still essentially wide awake, just exhausted. Tomorrows and early morning, only it really is today, in more ways then just the clock across the room.

I just wish that I could get some decent sleep for a change…. it would sure beat concluding the work week in zombie-fashion. My next day off is Saturday, hopefully there won’t be any interrupts. Lol, even the dog is stairing at me, as if to say wtf are you still doing awake!

Without a doubt, I seriously need some serious R&R

Nearly time to sleep, irregardless… sigh. Really, I think I’ve only had one decent nights sleep in the past 3 weeks or os, it sucks!!!

I’m just so tired of all of this crap +S.

I’ve edited my init.sh script so that rs-mgr should be called during startup and whenever I close FVWM. So far things are looking pretty good, hehehehe. Also, I set MPlayer to playing El Dorado.

Spent about an hour and a half or so working on ma’s computer, Norton 360 continues to driver her nuts—by doing exactly what it is paid to do lol. For many years I had to deal with Norton Anti Virus and related products, I’ve always found them more trouble then they are worth; in 360s case, I would say that annoyance is the price of incompetence. Perhaps I am just old fashioned ^_^. Most of the serious security issues I’ve ever encountered are either the result of incompetence or fragrant disregard for sanity. Heh, finding a typical XP machine in use is always good for a barrel of laughs!

It took me about 5 minutes to write a little “rs-mgr” script, having already came up with an interesting solution for a routine problem.

I think I’ll start checking stuff into a little git repo, for safe keeping. Basically it is a simple system built around rsync and ssh, designed to meet *my* needs for getting work done.

At first, I experimented to find the desired rsync setup, then I wrote scripts to do the job; rsync has a batch mode of sorts, but not one I’m prepared to go to bed with. The first incarnation of the system, relied upon the rs-push and rs-pull scripts. Which respectively drive `rsync home remote` and `rsync remote home` operations with the desired tweaks.

They are simple and easy to adjust, but only know how to do exactly ONE thing well: rsync my home directory in a given direction.

Since there are some kinds of file that do little good if shared between different OSes, like object files. I wrote a central file (rs-exclude) to use for weeding out unwanted files from the transfer. That was a quick adjustment to rs-push and rs-pull. Currently my rs-exclude file causes rsync to ignore any GCC or MSVC object files, as well as useless Intellisense databases.

The remaining problem of course, is how to get my machine to automagically do the right thing. I would rahter like it to do the magic at login and logout time, but how to do it? Simple: write another program. The new “rs-mgr” leverages its companions to solve the pushmi-pullyu problem. By invoking rs-mgr, I can make sure the most up to date version is used rather then having to decide which, by way of doing a manual rs-push or rs-pull command.

I’ve taken a few moments to setup a git repo and adjust things for more portability, namely the defaults are no longer hard coded. Going to setup a level 0 dump of the good mirror, then configure my laptop with the updated versions, and set it up to run rs-mgr at the start and close of my X Windows session.

I am just hopelessly geeky…. ain’t I?

Let’s see, what’s on the agenda for today…

Currently my set up uses manually invoked rs-push and rs-pull scripts, that run rsync for the obvious purposes. There is also an rs-exclude file for marking such nifty things, as skipping platform dependent object files and worthless InteliSense databases.

What I’m thinking is adding more scripts and a simple timestamp file, acline to /etc/dumpdates. The scripts would then be modified to manage the rs-dates file in order to decide whether they should rs-push or rs-pull from the server. My X session stuff just runs my ~/init.sh script, so it would be easy to setup a startup/shutdown sequence to events, but I could also use FreeBSDs rc system if needed, hehe. I’ll probably wrap it around my X session, in order to keep it more independent of what operating system I am working from.

Likewise I want to write a program for sucking up the logfiles on my windows machine, and translating them for ship off to the server. Making a program for browsing the logs should be fairly easy. That however, isn’t a major concern right now lol.

It’s getting late, I’m not really all that sleepy yet but it is almost to the point that I need to sleep now, or the morning will be even more painful :-(. I had such a great nap earlier, for about an hour and a half after dinner tine. I twas awesome, dreaming of hacking code and working on a game, then a few OpenGL folk showed up to talk shop lol.

For as lon gas I’ve been working, I guess since 16 or 15; Thursday has statistically been the worst day of my work week.There’s also something about the Thursday workload, that just seems to re-enforce the feeling that I’m just an asset here, nothing more then that. *sigh*.

Wednesday I was thinking at work, about making a list of all the obstacles in my life (old topic) and then tagging them, based on the problem. Well, obviously that is a rather depression idea, even if I wouldn’t run out of disk space before finishing it 8=). Then I realised that it could be great fun to design and write a program to help me manage such a taggable database, that picked up my mood considerably lol. What can I say, I’m just hopelessly a geek of technology!

Tonight, I searched through old forum threads, and compiled the dates of my promotions in SAS, so I could compile a gauge of how much time I’ve spent in various positions. Ahh, it has indeed been an interesting journey. I like WO1 more then the last post, I’ve mostly a deskjob but since I’m no longer in the doing 3 members worth of stuff kind of business, I get time to kick back and enjoy things much more often.

Tomorrow is going to be an early morning, and a lengthly time at work, a sort of double duty plus errands afterwards. I’m so tired of this crap. At least, I ought to be off work for the 19th and the 20th, so I can catch up on projects. Current open-loops being some skinning in SWAT, continuing work on tpsh, and further shoe horning CMake into my little C++ project.

I’ve been thinking somewhat, that perhaps I do too much thinking; then again, that is an understatement to be thinking about, lol. What can I say, I’m just a thinker… it’s been a life surrounded by fairly short-sighed people, and my intellectual side is perhaps the least repressed aspect of my existence here. I pour in a lot more thought to things, then most others seem to, I can’t help it lol. Probably would make life easier if I could, maybe my brain wouldn’t find trying to sleep, to be an exercise in computation.

Right now I just need some rest, I’m looking forward to the end of work tomorrow, because that means I can take a load off and play SWAT for a little bit – then it’s time to work again lol. I’m stuck working straight on through until *next* Saturday, but at least this weekend is only light detail. Fuck, I can still remember how it feels to work like 30 days straight and be pulling multiple jobs. I really don’t want to be doing that again, for a very long time!

Quarter after oh seven zulu, best try getting to sleep. Sometimes I wish I could just knock myself out….

Got woken up a little bit ago, bah humbug! Not only is the time for leaving for work closing in, it is also a bloated work cycle: Weds, Thurs, Fri (2ce), Sat, Sun | Tues, Weds, Thurs, Fri.

This time I was having good dreams, involving computers… lol. Much better then the last cycle of dreasm by a long shot, indeed. Now if I wasn’t woken up early, and likely to be continuously annoyed until working hours start… where I am just regularly driven crazy instead. Poor trade off, isn’t it?

I really wish I could take a long vacation from all this crap… maybe lose the return plane ticket in the process.