Month: September 2009

by

Only had like 2 or 3 hours sleep last night at the most, and should we say, mornings here just reinforce, feeling like nothing but an asset in the equation :-(.

Been experimenting some in GIMP on a few things related to SWAT 4 skins; also to my joy, the DDS plugin compiles and builds fine on FreeBSD. I kind of like working on images in GIMP, doing something decent can really be time consuming, and since I’m rather inexperienced at putting such software through it’s paces, it incorporates a measure of exploration as well. Because the display on my desktop, basically makes anything involving blacks impossible to work with, I’ve been using my laptop more and more for image stuffs. Really, I prefer the touch pad; for everything I’ve thrown at it, except for gaming. (My laptop isn’t capable of running many FPS games.).

There is a lot of stuff I wish I could learn about software like GIMP and Photoshop, but all in all, I just can’t see myself doing that much work. There are just some things that I can see most effectively done in software, and other things that I just can’t quiet put into words… but could likely take a wild crack at with the right (artists) tools.

When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time drawing, I loved to sketch and to doodle. It’s been more then just many moons, since I last drew anything by hand. Heck, the last time I even held a pen in hand, was probably at the doctors office… lol. Really, I’m not sure exactly why or when I stopped drawing, but it was probably between 2002-2003 or so.

Technically, I’m not to old to start again, and with the right level of applied effort, I could learn much more then I did. But, I think such would be more trouble then it’s worth, and worse, likely break down further what privacy I have offline. My mother studied as a cartoonist, so obviously she would likely want to butt her noise into things; and shall we say, things that I do to relax, I generally do not wish to be “Disturbed” over. That being said, the best things I ever drew while growing up, were probably drawn in the dark, by nothing more then TV light! Digging out more then a No.2 pencil would also be pushing the limits at my stealth skills considerably, and I’m very good at most things clandestine…

All of my life, I have looked for forms of expression…Things that let me put what I’m feeling into motion, let it take some shape and be free. Although arguably such things could be considered a form of communication, I’ve never cared to much about using it as such, so much as for its own sake. Personally, I consider myself somewhat self-centered—which is an attribute I utterly hate. But, for me it has mostly been a way of ‘surviving’ without being erased by the world around me. You could say that in my world and in my family, it is very easy to become trampled over here.

Sigh, sometimes I really don’t like my life.

by

It’s just a few more days left to go…. Tues, Weds, Thurs, Fri; then I have 3 days off work. THe miserable thing, I haven’t a damn thing to do, that doesn’t come from popping from the todo list!

Right now it’s just as if everything is passing, but nothing is moving. Damn it, this is unnerving. I feel like I could be awake for another couple hours… probably will be tossing and turning for at least an hour. I wonder tentatively if I’ll ever find peace. Whenever I lay down to sleep, there’s nothing to occupy my mind as it drifts to sleep; as such it gains an unhindered measure of exploration. The thoughts never end, never. Ironically during the day, if I have nothing to occupy my mind with, I end up getting drowsy: at night I end up wide fsckin’ awake!!!

Peace ceased to be apart of my life a very long time ago. That which remains, is black and empty, maybe it will always be so.

by

This lack of sleep is driving me crazy… is it really to much to ask for, a simple bit of peace? Why is it so hard to come by such a trifle, it’s just sleep. Going nuts.

So far I’ve managed to write a quick script, that should take care of updating my laptop tomorrow afternoon; took to long getting the files downloaded to worry about running them tonight lol. That however, just passes the time, it doesn’t fill it. To easy, there’s no challenge in it and not very much distraction either :'(. At least, it’ll save me the trouble of another week-long update cycle, if I keep pace with things (like normal).

Tried reading some of the Count of Monte Cristo, but not even that calms my mind. Sometimes the past can be a path riddled with glass, if you have a long memory; and I have a very long memory. Sigh, 0430 local has passed… time to be heading to bed, if I’m ever going to get up on time tomorrow.

I’m so tired of all this shit,what does rest even feel like? Does it even have a sensation to it? I haven’t known it in such a long time. As darkness comes, the light retreats; as sun rises, so does the flames.

Fresnal Melee, SAS style

by

It was the last round planned for most of us, and I got elected as Element Leader… so I called for something totally insane!

I ordered everyone to sling their weapons and skip the tac aids – none would be used. We then inserted into Fresnal station and made it half way through one of the largest maps before taking any causalities. Cara died by enemy shotgun shell, after weaving into my line-of-melee, then COT died by the same suspects 12g, when the guy fired while being beaten to death by two SWAT officers lol.

Walker and I then moved on and continued to clear the map…. the suspects never knew what hit them. I made it until being killed in a lag spike, sigh. In RvS at least when you lag out, you’re hard to kill, in SWAT you just become bullet-bait.

If it wasn’t for Walker firing one LTL Bean Bag round into a suspect about to flee the map, we would’ve completed the entire map with NO weapons or tactical aids what so ever. And if it wasn’t for extenuating sircumstances, no one on our team would have died most likely!

Perhaps we are crazy as lunes, or just enjoy a challenge. With no weapons, one has to move fast, and SWAT 4 doesn’t lend itself to unarmed combat as readily as real life does; slow punching but 2m distance is not a good trade off. The real key to it, is mastering the angles involved in the confortation—and beating the enemy senseless. It’s even possible to take 2-3 suspects at once given the right stuff. Until Cara stopped exploiting the angles, it was an interesting 5-vs-1 pistols to fists fight for a moment on the next map lol.

by

*sigh* it’s around 0400 local, I’ve been to tired to do much of anything tonight yet to awake to sleep. I’m still essentially wide awake, just exhausted. Tomorrows and early morning, only it really is today, in more ways then just the clock across the room.

I just wish that I could get some decent sleep for a change…. it would sure beat concluding the work week in zombie-fashion. My next day off is Saturday, hopefully there won’t be any interrupts. Lol, even the dog is stairing at me, as if to say wtf are you still doing awake!

Without a doubt, I seriously need some serious R&R

by

There was nothing on TV, that I haven’t seen a gazillion-times, so I ended up catching the last hour and a half of Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet while waiting for AVPR to come on. While Romeo and Juliet is one of my favourite articles of Shakespeare, I’ve avoided watching R+J for years: the attempt at mixing a modern setting with the classic dialog, just makes me scratch my head and wonder what on earth they were thinking lol.

While much of the setting (but not the poetry) is fairly easy to translate to the 1990s, not everything quiet an fit so well; not to mention being condensed!

I feel that Lord Capulet’s commandment for Juliet to marry Paris, would simply be lost on a modern audience; at least in the States. Not only is arranged marriage simply not done, Capulet’s order would nether hold in court of law nor communal practice here; in a modern setting, it would also have effectively solved all but the family feud!

CAPULET 

Hang thee, young baggage! disobedient wretch!

I tell thee what: get thee to church o’ Thursday,

Or never after look me in the face:

Speak not, reply not, do not answer me;

My fingers itch. Wife, we scarce thought us blest

That God had lent us but this only child;

But now I see this one is one too much,

And that we have a curse in having her:

Out on her, hilding!

— Act III, Scene V of the play; as rendered in my archived copy.

Friar Laurences use of a postal service was a nice touch, but the ending was somewhat “Lacking”, perhaps I’m just spoiled? The only good thing I can say, is they were so kind as to censor Juliets death—should we say that an ACP round to the temple is likely to be a lot messier then a dagger! I really don’t care uch for the film, just not my cup of tea. Since the goal was to pass time until Aliens versus Predator Requiem came on (which is closer to my style), I suppose that was a success :/. Alternatives would have been Tremors or the Last Action Hero; all of which I have seen much of over the past couple years.

I still remember the first time I read Shakespeare’s play, a good friend had recommended it as a potential source for inspiration. While it yielded none, it was however a good read; Romeo & Juliet and Hamlet are two of my favourites. I have however, never cared for any of the film renditions of Hamlet. And quite purposefully, I’m not familiar with any of the formal adoptions of R&J to the big screen.

BENVOLIO 

Why, Romeo, art thou mad?

ROMEO 

Not mad, but bound more than a mad-man is;

Shut up in prison, kept without my food,

Whipp’d and tormented and–God-den, good fellow.

— Act I, Scene II

Chuckle of the day, 2009-09-13

by

Lucas entered into a wager with long-time friend Steven Spielberg during the production of Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Lucas was sure Close Encounters would outperform the yet-to-be-released Star Wars at the box office and bet 2.5% of the proceeds of each film against each other. Lucas lost the bet and to this day Spielberg is still receiving proceeds from the first of the Star Wars movies.

— source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars_Episode_IV:_A_New_Hope

by

Nearly time to sleep, irregardless… sigh. Really, I think I’ve only had one decent nights sleep in the past 3 weeks or os, it sucks!!!

I’m just so tired of all of this crap +S.

by

I’ve edited my init.sh script so that rs-mgr should be called during startup and whenever I close FVWM. So far things are looking pretty good, hehehehe. Also, I set MPlayer to playing El Dorado.

Spent about an hour and a half or so working on ma’s computer, Norton 360 continues to driver her nuts—by doing exactly what it is paid to do lol. For many years I had to deal with Norton Anti Virus and related products, I’ve always found them more trouble then they are worth; in 360s case, I would say that annoyance is the price of incompetence. Perhaps I am just old fashioned ^_^. Most of the serious security issues I’ve ever encountered are either the result of incompetence or fragrant disregard for sanity. Heh, finding a typical XP machine in use is always good for a barrel of laughs!

rs-system

by

It took me about 5 minutes to write a little “rs-mgr” script, having already came up with an interesting solution for a routine problem.

I think I’ll start checking stuff into a little git repo, for safe keeping. Basically it is a simple system built around rsync and ssh, designed to meet *my* needs for getting work done.

At first, I experimented to find the desired rsync setup, then I wrote scripts to do the job; rsync has a batch mode of sorts, but not one I’m prepared to go to bed with. The first incarnation of the system, relied upon the rs-push and rs-pull scripts. Which respectively drive `rsync home remote` and `rsync remote home` operations with the desired tweaks.

They are simple and easy to adjust, but only know how to do exactly ONE thing well: rsync my home directory in a given direction.

Since there are some kinds of file that do little good if shared between different OSes, like object files. I wrote a central file (rs-exclude) to use for weeding out unwanted files from the transfer. That was a quick adjustment to rs-push and rs-pull. Currently my rs-exclude file causes rsync to ignore any GCC or MSVC object files, as well as useless Intellisense databases.

The remaining problem of course, is how to get my machine to automagically do the right thing. I would rahter like it to do the magic at login and logout time, but how to do it? Simple: write another program. The new “rs-mgr” leverages its companions to solve the pushmi-pullyu problem. By invoking rs-mgr, I can make sure the most up to date version is used rather then having to decide which, by way of doing a manual rs-push or rs-pull command.

I’ve taken a few moments to setup a git repo and adjust things for more portability, namely the defaults are no longer hard coded. Going to setup a level 0 dump of the good mirror, then configure my laptop with the updated versions, and set it up to run rs-mgr at the start and close of my X Windows session.

I am just hopelessly geeky…. ain’t I?