Jokes

Old remarks

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Was searching through the forums for something En4cer or Rouge said a year or two ago, when I found something I once posted about tactical fire & maneuver used in films:

* for context, IRL = In Real Life; IHW = In HollyWood

My list of differences between Real world Elite and Holiwood Elite.

IRL a 9mm probably will bounce off a windshield at 50m

IHW a 9mm will take out the engine block of a truck if its on Full Auto.

IRL a solider might not have a full mag all the time, to prevent jams. (editors note: not all are created equal)

IHW, magazines have bullets 4 a breast so you can reload off camera

IRL a [good] solider can snap off a head shot at 50m /w an MP5 as fast as they can think.

IHW, the hero can pop the running squiral in the left nut at 25m with a sling shot.

IRL, a 12.7mm M2 || M82 will make your day.

IHW, some how a pistol packs more punch then a 30mm Gatling gun.

IRL, you want strong cover like a CBS wall so bullets won’t penitrate.

IHW, you can use a lamp post or a dead guy as cover agasnt 7.62x39mm ammo.

Some how I can’t help but chuckle whenever I think about that running squirrel part xD. For some reason the Last Action Hero also comes to mind…

You know you’ve been programming to long when ….

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you can miss-read “You don’t know whether they’re laid out from left to right or right to left in memory”, as “You don’t know whether they’ve been laid …”, and then can’t stop laughing lol.

O.K. I think I have seriously been sitting in front of a computer wwaaaaayyyy too long for one night…….

Oh give me a project ….

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Oh, give me a project, where the perls roam,
Where the join() and the split() play,
Where seldom is heard a discouraging error,
And the Makefiles are not cloudy all day.

Project, project on the web
Where the map() and the grep() play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging warning
And the lusers are not cloudy all day

How often at night when the heavens are bright
With the light from the glittering stars
Have I stood there amazed and asked as I gazed
If their glory exceeds that of ours

Project, project on the web
Where the push() and the pop() play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging error
And the Makefiles are not cloudy all day

Where the code is so pure, the expressions so free
The operators so balmy and light
That I would not exchange my project on the web
For all of the jobs so bright

Project, project on the web
Where the reverse() and the sort() play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging error
And the warnings are not cloudy all day

Oh, I love those wild regex’rs in this dear land of ours
The lusers, I love to hear scream
And I love the white $scalars and the @list flocks
That defref on the mountaintops green

Project, project on the web
Where the substr() and the eval{} play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging die $!
And the warnings are not cloudy all day

— missing my favorite language

bored…

by

src: http://www.heuse.com/cphumor.htm

Interviewer: “Is studying computer science the best way to prepare to be a programmer?”

Bill Gates: “No, the best way to prepare is to write programs, and to study great
programs that other people have written. In my case, I went to
the garbage cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished
out listings of their operating system.”

There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

DEBUGGING : Removing the needles from the haystack.

Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
– Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary

“It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to students that have had prior exposure
to BASIC; as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.”
-Dijkstra

“The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a
soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea.”
– _The Wizardry Compiled_ by Rick Cook

“The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants; instead of
referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given
that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant.
This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change.”
– FORTRAN manual for Xerox computers

“C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it
harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.”
– Bjarne Stroustrup

“Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.”
– Henry Spencer

“Never put off until run time what you can do at compile time.”
– David Gries, in “Compiler Construction for Digital Computers”, circa 1969.

BASIC programmers never die, they GOSUB and don’t RETURN.

Real programmers are surprised when the odometers in their cars don’t turn from 99,999 to 99,99A.

FORTRAN is not a language. It’s a way of turning a multi-million
dollar mainframe into a $50 programmable scientific calculator.

C is almost a real language. Even the name sounds like it’s gone through
an optimizing compiler. Get rid of all of those stupid brackets and we’ll talk.

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.

Programming is 10% science, 25% ingenuity and 65% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

Science is to computer science as hydrodynamics is to plumbing.

We don’t really understand it, so we’ll give it to the programmers.

COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.

Computer interfaces and user interfaces are as different as night and 1.

The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten 10% of its
capacity, the rest is overhead for the operating system.

A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren’t broken.

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually the programmer.

Programming is an art form that fights back.

After a number of decimal places, who cares?

“Virtual” means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.

If at first you don’t succeed, you must be a programmer.

“It’s 5:50 a.m., Do you know where your stack pointer is?”

If God had intended humans to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

PL/1, “the fatal disease”, belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of APL, I shall fear
no evil, for I can string six primitive monadic and dyadic operators together.

Programming is a lot like sex. One mistake and you could have to support it the rest of your life.

Another Glitch in the Call
(Sung to the tune of a Pink Floyd song)
–
We don’t need no indirection
We don’t need no flow control
No data typing or declarations
Did you leave the lists alone?
–
Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone!
–
Chorus:
All in all, it was, just a pure-LISP function call.
All in all, it was, just a pure-LISP function call.

You can’t make a program without broken egos.

by

http://haskell.org/haskellwiki/Shooting_your_self_in_the_foot

and http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/susan/joke/foot.htm

Chuckle of the day, 2009-04-13 in #vim

by 
   viking | "Viper, an emacs package providing Vi
                emulation on top of Emacs."  i don't know what
                to say
     jamessan | Vimacs : Vim-Improved eMACS: Emacs emulation
                for Vim
 SAS_Spidey01 | HAHAHA
 SAS_Spidey01 | thank you jamessan, I haven't laughed like
                that in a while xD