Birthing Pains

N.B. written  April 2nd.


Yesterday was a matter of loading Noelle full of stuff and driving ~70 miles to Duluth. Driving around it and th neighboring for a couple hours, then getting the paper work done over lunch. After driving back to Newnan to meet some Relatives for dinner, I started loading the car and did another round trip. That’s like 300 miles / 500 kilometres worth of driving, and going almost non-stop at packing/loading/driving/unloading from like 0730 to after 0300. U-Haul called while we were signing the lease, to inform us that we had to pick up the truck in Lagrange instead of Newnan, that’s about anm hours drive.

So 0740 my pastor (Steve) drove me down to get the truck and I drove the truck from there to Newnan, taking US-29 up until the I-85 access near grantvile. I wanted to make sure of the trucks handling before having to get OFF the Interstate. Steve split off and went to get a couple of guys to help, and I continued on to the apartment to get the truck ready. The original plan was for my mother and a friend to get the animals packed in an SUV with some stuff and drive up to the new place, so we could get to loading w/o having to worry about the dogs. Well, of course it took like two ******* hours to just get as far as getting a dog in the vehicle, with me having to hold Willow for most of it in order to keep her from running off. Guess what? Misty got OUT the door and went running around before we got her. No one ******* listens to me. After finally seeing them off, I got to start helping with the truck loading; that also saw interruptions, for having to pick up a cell phone and eventually hit the corner drug store: if I didn’t have some surger in me, my old running on three hours of sleep ass was gonna pass out. They did most of the loading, and did a brillant job. Which really is saying something because my mother can’t pack for ****. Relatives also took some stuff up in their van and supplied victory-pizza.

Tonight was the first time I ever drank a “Normal” Pepsi. I’ve had the caffeine
free version; that stuff has so much surger that you can almost feel your teeth
rot. But being from a Coke Cola family, I never got straight Pepsi lol. Being
disllowed Caffeine in soda until like 15, also helped. I really do not want to
know how much caffeine I have consumed tonight, let along the surger, but pizza
and pepsi with a little bit of sitting, helped recharge my batteries enough to
drive everyone back to Newnan and get myself home alive. I also had to drive
point for the truck on the way in.  Unloading that truck almost made feel like
trying to bribe management to get ma to throw more stuff out. It’s tempting…

I’m sick as a dog. My noise is like a constantly exploding cherry and my eyes are filling like I need to scratch them out. After living there 13 years, loading/unloading all the crap has totally destroyed my allergies. My room was fairly clean but the living room essentially looked like a bomb hit it. Many of the things we had to load/unload came with years of dust, cob webs, and I don’t even want to continue thinking about it. Somehow I wonder, if she ishn’t being paid, if my mother even knows what the concept of cleaning is. I have no ******** idea how I’m going to drop off the truck tomorrow if I can’t ******* stop sneezing my **** brains out.

It was after 2000 when we got the truck done and it was after 2230 by the time I started driving home from Newnan.  The nice plus, sarcasitly putting it, is that the paper with the dropoff number is AWOL, and the contact number for the truck went to an already full voice mail box. So in the morning I need to  call again and try and get the dropoff number o/.

I can’t fucking breath through my nose right now.

It is done! -> This Journal Moved To Blogger

Right, I’ve just finished something that has taken me almost two years to finish by hand, since the available tools couldn’t keep up with the content. Hmm, makes me think of a line from one of my favourite films! But at long last, and vastly overdue—my journal is now totally under the Blogger roof. 2009-12-05, I posted on LJ and Blogger, that I had moved things here. Well, 2011-03-27, it seems to finally be complete. Even noticed half a months extra posts after I was finished lol. Since beginning with Live Journal back on 2011-09-09, I’ve made 2,039 entries, assuming that I have not missed any of the 1,537 entries that I was supposed to import >_>.

In honour of completion, I think I’ll post the stats of that count to date, something I originally planned to do at 2,000 entries, along with a little celebration, but hey, I didn’t expect to notice my two-thousandth post anyway lol. Right, anyway here is the table!

2011 2010 2009 2008 2007 2006
January

12

26

61

46

16

0

February

15

26

40

33

27

0

March

28

23

69

55

26

0

April

0

48

68

62

20

0

May

0

108

47

41

20

0

June

0

69

49

28

16

0

July

0

58

43

49

25

0

August

0

37

46

50

28

0

September

0

26

45

62

24

24

October

0

26

23

45

23

4

November

0

26

40

44

31

17

December

0

16

32

52

42

18

Total

55

489

563

567

298

63

This shows that until getting into the whole job thing, the trend has been for my level of blogging to stay fairly steady. I would say an average of 1 1/2 entries per day at its height. Generally, I’ve been most active during the first half of the year. 2011 and 2006 being very slow, as one is when I started and one is little more than 25% into it, inverse-respectively.

One thing I really do hope for, is that after this move is sorted, I’ll have more time to update my journal more frequently than I have these past few months. I really don’t update things here about my present line of work (as a matter of personal policy), and anything interesting really is the subject domain of my notes anyway.

One thing I do know, it’s better to have a journal than nothing but memory. And that’s saying something, since 2008-2009 are still pretty much in my `recent` memory, and my trail of memories largely go back to the early 1990s!

Well, it is pretty much done: my life packed. There’s just a few things here and there that are essentially, stuff it in a bag at the last minute and go. It does make you think a bit, seeing over twenty years crammed into a normal closet worth of boxes and bags. Or should I say, compared to many people, a micro-closet lol.

Excluding computers and related crapola, just about everything I’m taking is a book of some sort. I must have like three and a half pieces of luggage dominated with books; mostly Fiction. Something that isn’t technically a book but not far off, is my fathers old photo albums. There’s not much that I’m taking.

I wish I could say that I had a lot of happy memories, but I don’t. I’ve known for quite a while now, that when it would come time to open a new chapter in my life, that I would close this one by singing to a Taylor Swift song.

!!! Hulu.com has Gundam Wing !!!

In passing the time until it’s time to go back to work, I’ve been fluttering across the Internet. Right now, I’ve just had a huge smile brought to my face! –> Hulu has all the Gundam Wing episodes!!!!!

This show was my first introduction to the Gundam franchise, I remember sitting on my bed room floor in a huge pile of LEGO bricks when this hit Toonami; I was like 12. my geekish nature has kind of always been there, but it’s really been impacted by an interest in  Mecha. In my life, there’s only been a few to really catch my gaz deeply in that regard. The little known film: Robot Jox, ’80s RoboTech (particularly the Macross Saga), and Mobile Suit Gundam: Wing.

What else could have gotten a kid all but wanting to camp out in front of books and calculators near 24/7, studying every ounce of information he could on technology—except trying to figure out how to design a ‘mech lol.

I’ve always told myself, someday I’m buying the series on DVD… hehe.

Rosie & Noëlle

Well, it’s taken a while but I’ve finally gotten around to getting the pictures off my phone, nuts almost wrote car… that’s a headache for you. Yesterday on the way home and after getting both cars here, I took a few pictures of each.

An awfully long time ago, my grandmother dragged us across the Ford dealer and came home with a used 1993 Tempo GL, same light blue that she always got. Don’t know how long it took but it was dark by the time we left, felt like all day. I’m sure we walked the property at least twice!!!

 

 

  

Maybe the Tempo isn’t an important model to many people but for me, it’s a slice of history. My memory of that car goes back as far as the guy at ford explaining how the radio worked during the test drive. It’s the same car that my grandmother put a curse on after the alzheimer’s took her off the road. Same car that took us all to disney world, and again left me with numb legs the first time we came to Newnan. It’s the car my brother learned to drive in the parking lot, by giving the seat belts a real run for their money. IIRC, it was a Sports Authority parking lot. Like wise, it’s the the first car I was in an accident with when ma was turning right at the intersection and someone ran a red light and creamed us on the way to pick up my brother from work. I can still remember countless times in that car. On the same coin, it is also the car that I learned to drive in. Yeah, a little HSC straight four engine with a three speed automatic, that can peel out like a flash yet still go smooth at a low crawl and rattle all the way.

  

  
“>

I learned how that car responds, what she is capable of, where the rattles come from, and how to manoeuvre it to her the edge of her envelope. To compensate for all the damage, I’ve even had to learn how to drive with minimal help beyond wheels. To starve off Murphy, I usually give myself margins measured in feet when driving but know that car enough to only need inches. What can I say, we’ve known each other a long time, even closer since I got to start driving. At some point, my mother had nick named the car “Rosie” after Katharine Hepburn’s role of “Rose Sayer” in the African Queen. It’s kind of stuck, and well, beats referring to it as “Car” :P. So, I refer to this car as Rosie whenever `the family ford` or her make/model isn’t the only appropriate form of address. Whenever I hear Somewhere With You on the radio, I’m gonna be thinking of Rosie.

My family never really took much care of that car, so it’s always been a mess, fluids almost never checked beyond anti-freeze (my mother is paranoid about that), oil changes more like 2 or 3 times in 17 years, tyres when they’re flat, etc. Most things taken into the car, have stayed there for /years/ and it’s been used like a trash can for as long as I can remember. I’ve never volunteered to clean out the car, because I know I’m the only asshole who would keep it clean. After taking pictures of the interior, I threw some of the trash out when I was unloading Rosie.

  

  

My mother’s never given a crap about keeping the car clean. You’ve always had to move something before sitting in my brothers car, and I don’t think most people seem to care. Well in my case, if it comes in with you, it better go out with you, or ya gettin’ out and walkin’ the rest of the way!
The 2007 Ford Taurus SE that I got yesterday, seems to have gotten the nick name Noëlle. Something that ma suggested, it being Christmas time and all. Where as Rosie and I, could probably described as a crazy pair, I would say that Noëlle is a more sensible car at heart. Maybe we’ll rub off on each other lol. 
Me being me, of course, I’m opting for the spelling Noëlle rather than the more common (here) form of “Noel” as in the song. That is of course for linguistic reasons.
  
  
  
While getting everything sorted yesterday, I went about checking the things I had to forgo at the car dealer, and top off the fluids. Didn’t need much of anything really and the tyres are basically new… kind of refreshing from running on next to nothing lol. Noëlle is clean on the inside and I intend for things to remain that way. While I doubt it will stay as it is, right now the engine is so clean you could practically eat off it, but that might offend the car :-/.
So far I’ve put >= 200 miles on it between the drive home, a trip to Griffen, and us going up to Carrollton for dinner last night. Having a full set of mirrors, working turn signals, and gasp, high beams that actually work, is shockingly different.
  
  
  
  
The real question I reckon, is whether or not it survives until 2024, +/- me, hehehehehehe.

First time for everything, right?

O.K. Now this was one of those has to be a first time for everything kind of moments. Sitting here, playing Left 4 Dead, we’re having a brutal finale, so many freaking zombies I look like a mad dancer shoving and shooting while we fend off the horde.

All of a sudden I hear enough barking, flapping feathers, and pounding that it sounds like a war is going on down the hall in the living room. Shouted a quick BRB over VoIP while peeling off my headset and going to see what’s exploding.

Found the ceiling fan going berzerk, parakeet going bananas, and the dogs trying to get to the bird lol. After shutting down the fan, ma noticed one of the fan blades were missing. Now absolutely nothing was disturbed anywhere. My mothers gots Thanksgiving decorations and religius stuff on the table, right next to the fan. Practically wall to wall there’s breakable crap near there, birds cage is even in pissing distance of the fan (much to my annoyance). Close enough to opennings that it could even send the blade bouncing into the hallway or kitchen, if it came off at the right angle. To top it off, in the line of fire is a shelf full of my mothers dolls next to the couch.

It took at least 20+ minutes to find where the blade landed. Couldn’t find it anywhere, no sign that it ever happened, except for the broken ceiling fan! While putting all that tactical study to good use and scannign the room, I had an AH HA! Moment.

Sure enough, the blade landed on a pillow on the couch. It was right in this trianglular sweet spot that’s like a foot +/- a couple inches, from either point: My mothers head, Coco, and a small statue of the Virgin Mary by her computer. Statistically you would think that it’s going to cream the stuff on the table, or maybe hit the bird or her dolls, but no…. smack dab right in between biologicals. A little bit more off that course, and either my mother would need a ice pack, or one of the dogs would need a vet lol.

Guardian angels or guardian angles, I think my mother finally has something to be thankful for… I know I am.

How I spent my early teens

While shuffling crap around yesterday, I found a folder full of undated papers. On one side are designs for a light strike cruiser and dreadnought done by hand in pencil, on the other side some edition of my Tallgeese manual done in MS Word and printed by the old Lexmark. I know from memory that the latter must’ve been done around the time frame of 2001-2003, so I must’ve been in the 13-15 range at the time. Majorly geeky years!

Basically, I had created my own “What if” story line, a place where my creativity could explore the possibilities without being tied down to anything existing, or having to start Totally From Scratch. I based it on a simple concept: what could happen if you fused parts of the Macross era of Robotech with the Universal Century and After Colony segments of Mobile Suit Gundam. It focused on adopting the character of Rick Hunter from an ace in the first robotect war, into a Lt. Col. leading a combined arms regiment from Earth Sphere United Nations during a massive conflict set in an “Alternate” version of life after Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz, one where the weapons of war had not been totally destroyed and world peace, still a hell of a lot further to go! That sentence is my definition of a run on, or at least a mouth full.

Part of that backdrop was focused on the details of one of my all time favourite mecha designs:  Hajime Katokis Tallgeese. Some 15 years later it might look more like a Charger in a land of concept Camaros but I love this ‘mech. In much the same vain that Treize Khushrenadas Tallgeese II was modelled after the original Tallgeese I, my theorical “Tallgeese IV” was modelled after the Tallgeese III seen in Endless Waltz.

Intro text on these papers state the Tallgeese IV was a custom made unit done in December of AC 196 (just before the Tallgeese III went into battle) and first deployed the following year. Gundam Wings original Tallgeese design is cannonically recorded as being done in the year AC 175, either on the show or in associated media. So obviously big changes were in order lol.

My design for the “OZ-00MS-IV Tallgeese IV” was drafted as weighing in at 8,200kg empty and reaching up to a gross weight of 27 metric tons fully loaded for a space battle, including a very variable arsenal of weapons. I’ve been known to make things exceptionally weapon laden, so is it any wonder that the original earh-side version of Heavyarms is of my favourite Gundam? (Heavyarms mounted about 7 (later 8) machine guns, four missile racks, and a heat knife.)

My Tallgeese IV was to have a hull made out of an enhanced (neo) titanium alloy, encasing a layer of ceramic polymer composites, then covered over with a layer of insulating materials on the inner side: a Beryllium based materal for shielding against radiation and a silicon covered network of titanium rods for some extra structural reinforcement. Even have a drawing in the printout (done in paint lol) showing the sandwiching of it all; cermaic between titanium and some insul’ on the guts side. To do it all over again, I would probably research how useful a silicon or boron carbide in a titanium matrix (in laymen’s terms that means it would costs mega bucks but could  be fucking hard) might work out for that usage scenario, and likely rethink the whole Beryllium thing. All in all, it was basically made to be a ‘mech with a very tough hide and library books didn’t make the study of tank armour and advanced metal stuffs a trivial thing in the early A.D. 2000s.

Basically, super strong armour for protection, wrapped around a ceramic plate for stopping kinetic energy rounds, an armour backdrop and insulation between the armour and the guts.

For the cockpit, the design was to have a “Pod” like module mounted in the chest cavity behind the hatch.  The idea being you would have an adaptive chair in the centre, yokes/joysticks on the flanks and a swivelled keyboard in front for details; I would add foot pedals to that, retrospectively. Encircling the pilot would be, basically an industrial strength LCD screen: displaying a 360′ panorama of the ‘mechs environment, using sensors built into the ‘mechs body. Thus allowing the pilot to see anything he could hope to see (except straight up or down), and swivel the chair as needed to focus their peepers at any given point. How is that for eyes in the back of your head!? Note that ‘mechs in Gundam Wing proper, only had a single front view screen. In case of critical failure, the pod was meant to be both ejectable and replacable: punching out with a few hours life support and enough thrusters to move to safety. Not to mention a hardware level to fry all the installed computer systems, in order to prevent an enemy from harvesting any data, or learning about the systems design in the event of capture.

The sections on computer systems is mostly useless from a technical specification but conceptually works well. Big picture wise, the idea was to use a subspace field to push the processing bottlenecks out of theoretical hardware and into the arena pure science fiction, ala converting the warp drive concept into a big ass CPU. Simple as that. At the time it seemed plausible enough that a Faster Than Light (FTL) processing speed might be necessary to keep pace with a combat mechs movements; this coming from someone who had just upgraded from a 233Mhz Pentium II to a 2,000Mhz Pentium 4 a a year or two before hand lololololol. To do things over again, I would use a mega load more of memory and see just how seriously parallel things could get between the hardware and software.

What is pertinent about computer systems described in it: is the concept of how it would be used as part of the overall machine. Conceptually things were meant to use a ‘mech wide network of fibre optical cables to pass data from module to module, running this big distributed/multiplry redundant sort of internal computer network for keeping the ‘mech working like a well oiled German sports car cruising down the Autobahn.  These FO cables would be routed through several trunk locations at logical intervals, jacking the bandwidth as it were. These trunks would be placed at various points, like the legs, arms, etc, where important sensors could all link to conveniently and pass on their data. So many data trunks would be primaries and so many would be backups in order to cope with phsyical damage and the possibility of hardware failures, plus an extra set of three trunks for the cockpit: one emergency and two mains containing the heart of the ‘mechs software environment, i.e. the master authority on all things computer related inside the mech.

Swap out the cockpit pod, and bingo: you would be able to overhaul the entire ‘mechs computer systems. Anything that would have to be transferred (cached) at another trunk node, could be transferred from the mains in the cockpit pilot, much like a BIOS flash or an FTP install of Linux. Combining the FO cables with the link aggregation stuff, that should be pretty damn fast enough for anybodies conceivable needs, let along a battle field mechanic of the future >_>. At least that was the idea.

When I was writing this thing, the typical PC would likely still be using a 56K modem with a telephone line. Fiber Optic Internet, wasn’t even talked about in these parts.

I also envisioned that for “Oh crap, everything has broken!” kind of situation, the a single data trunk would be *just* good enough to keep the Tallgeese IVs critical systems functioning, enough to walk/drift back to base for repairs, assuming the necessary cables were intact but the other computer modules offline. In order to make servicing internal components easier, a network of maintenance hatches, and corresponding “Jefferies tubes”, so dubbed for lack of a better name, would run throughout the ‘mechs body. What good is an extremely expensive, ultra advanced piece of war machine, if you can’t fix the thing after it gets banged up, seriously, what’s the point? On top of that would be fire suppression systems to suffocate an internal fires and a way to vent stuff over external fires for an emergency skin cooling.

Like wise, mirroring the networks for data transfer cables, would be systems for cooling and power distribution: including air ducting on the torso with filters, effectively allowing the pilot to breath regular air when earth side and not worry about tear gas, etc. For safety of course, being several sets (redundant) of ducting and putting a computer in place that could switch things around in case a duct got smashed up or severed, by dropping it and inserting a fresh segment, in order to avoid having to place the pilot on internal (space/underwater mode) life support.

As a safe guard against falling into enemy hands, a self destruct system was obviously called for. Both a near instant blow the sucker to kingdom come method, for use in case of being captured, that would be triggered via a hidden kill switch under the pilots seat, or by way of using keyboard and/or a voice activation mechanism to start a count down, for use in kamikaze style suicide. I’m crazy, right? A.) Don’t let the enemy get your most advanced kit; B.) If all else fails, take them with you. Yep.

Since information is power, the Tallgeese IV would have a ton of sensor modules installed. Several arrays planted in the shoulder amour , feet, and head would provide targeting, radar, sensors for magnetic fields, seismic anomalies, infrared, sonar, and conventional radar. The idea being that if its a big hunk of hot metal stomping around, you ought to be able to figure out where it is ^_^.

Since it was set it was set in a story based on the Gundamverse, Minovsky particle based jamming technologies would make radar useless. Thus making most sensor applications limited to visual line of sight, and extras like being able to for example, using thermals and acoustics. I actually got the idea for using an infra system based on the FLIR pods used by the military; and the idea, “Well gee, if it can be forward looking, why not swivel it around!” Looking at that link, seems that kind of technology has existed since the 1960s. Good.

The ‘mechs sensors would gather all that sensory input, route it through the trunks, processing as you go and create something fitting for the pilots view screens to display automagically.  For extra benefit, an Initial Navigation System like mapping computer would “Remember” where you’ve walked/flown, and generate a form of spacial awareness. Today I would throw in a GPS too. It gives me a mental hard on just thinking about what programming something like all that might take… lol.

As a gimic, an experimental “Pilot to Mobile Suit Interface (P-MSI)” system was also planned for. Basically, scan the pilots brain in order to increase the response time. This could be thought of as an analogue to Gundams psycommu systems, adapted for regular humans, or a SLDF era Battle Mech helmet.

In terms of communications, several conventional and subspace radio systems would be mounted in the head module, along side a laser based LOS communication system for squad level use. The idea being, radio = fine until the Minovsky particles thicken up and jam it. One of the nifty but occasionally irksome parts of the UC segment of the gundamverse. So in essence, communication is limited to line of sight crap.

For getting around, obviously the Tallgeese design calls for a set of big ass engines. Basically the papers envision a type of nuclear thermal rocket, powered by taps into the ‘mechs reactor: plus the ability to jettison them (and go ground pounding), frying the data trunks in the process. Leaving the secondary thrusters on the hips and rear skirt armour, just enough to perform manoeuvring in space or short rocket leaps in a terrestrial environment. Augmenting that, a set of computer controlled vernier thrusters for precision movements when operating in space. I always had trouble trying to calculate things like the theoretical acceleration rate and such, but I never had that big a grounding in math.

In terms of weapons, the Tallgeese IV was simply an augmented Tallgeese III, modified to suit my tastes. The Big Freaking Mega Cannon mounted on the right shoulder armour was replaced with something more practical yet still highly , that essentially combines a Variable Speed Beam Rifle with a Vayeate style Mega Particle Cannon. Conceptually, it would allow the pilot to dynamically adjust the beam width, pulse length (constant or pulse fired), and power rating. More powerful shots draining energy faster but being able to seriously maintain the DooM title of BFG! A way to self destruct the gun by over charging it, of course being in the concept, hehe.

Backing that up being external weapons. Power linkages inthe hands would allow the use of any Standard beam rifle or conventional autocannon (105mm/40rnd box magazine fed being the standard issue), including a heavy beam cannon designed to serve as a bazooka type shock weapon. It could also mount a 140mm cannon in place of the Mega Cannon.

The real emphasis was on melee weapons: a retractable 25 metre long “Heat” rod was built into a shield mounted on the left shoulder armour, containing a pair of beam sabers and 2-tube missile launchers. Increasing the thick plates defensive ability, the shield was to have a 20mm ablative coating for protection against directed energy weapons, and a low power I-field generator to reflect shots from low powered beam rifles. Tallgeese IV was also designed to have three beam sabers: two stored in recharge racks in the shield, and another hidden within the forearm for use as a backup. Since the Gundamverses beam sabers are essentially a power cell that spews plasma into an I-field, it would obviously be able to melt many conventional bullets on impact, the main sabers would be upgraded to use a denser I-field, in order to reflect shots from low powered beam rifles. Actually making that a useful weapon (Jedi style) however, is rather beyond the capability of a human pilot, without seriously jacking up the computing power.

A pair of head mounted 60mm Vulcan cannons with about 5 seconds of ammo rounded out a rather, comprehensive armament package.

The Price of Obedience

Two weeks ago while looking for the house we were supposed to stop at, the car hit “Half a tank” on the fuel gauge before she decided to call for directions. To my mother, the half way mark is synonymous in her tiny mind with what happens in real life when you reach the empty mark.

Somewhere between three to five demands to “Go no further”, I reminded my mother that in America it is illegal to just stop the car in the middle of the road because you damn well please. In fact, as the driver: legally it would’ve been dependent upon my judgement whether or not there was any sudden obstacles ahead to warrant such action, not hers as passenger and owner of the car. It pays to read the fine print, right? Well, she wouldn’t stop demanding the car to be stopped. The way English works, her choice of words in fact ordering me to stop on the spot.

Since my mother apparently thought herself smarter than the law, the driver (me), FORD hardware, and GOD (who created physics); and after all, it is her car not mine. So I decided promptly to give my mother exactly what she was demanding of me `ad nauseam`. Checking to make sure there was no one behind, in between her orders to “Go no further”, I said “Fine”, and slammed the brakes—bringing the car from approximately 43 to 0 miles per hour in the machines absolute minimal stopping time. The kind of extreme breaking that normally, I would only use if the alternative was to hit a brick fucking wall.

Well, the car stopped so fast that you could smell the rubber burning and there was a lovely cloud of smoke to accompany the screeching sound of trying to stop a moving car so near instantaneously. If seat belts weren’t buckled or there was any cars behind, I wouldn’t have satisfied my mothers orders to the letter. I’m more responsible then that. As there was no threat, I obeyed to the letter: and went no further ;).

A week later (-2 days), just before the weekend the car started to make a metal on metal sound whenever using the breaks. I expected when I chose to obey, that the action of going no further would total the break pads: which were old. Quick thinking methodical bastard, yes I am. Maybe some people should just learn to think rationally before I have to teach them a lesson. In my experience, my family only understands two things: violence and money. Since I’m not willing to beat my mothers brains in, following her orders to the point of burning through old break pads sounds like a good idea.

It took about a day’s fearful stewing over it, for my mother to go from remarking that it was nobodies fault because the break pads are old and worn; she’s bitched about them getting worn out over the past couple years, and also absolved me of any blame for the breaks; damn I wish I had a hidden tape recorder. To instead, loudly cursing me the next day and wishing me to my face that I would “Drop dead and rot in hell”, among much worse things! I expected that would take an hour or two at most. Guess I was wrong.

Now after twenty two years of my mother, I know that being told to drop dead and rot in hell is about as close to a term of endearment as this family gets. It’s ceased to phase me a long time ago. Of course, if I ever showed any sign of being phased by it would be like putting blood in shark infested water. So I’ve learned to take her exponentially increasing hatred with a straight face, rather than risking her doubling her efforts. There’s a subtle joke in that for the math savy layman.

At first, I was actually tempted to tell her to “Be careful, I might aim to please” when I was told to die, but decided against it almost as fast as thinking of it. Reasons being that because of family history, that could be a potentiality painful remark to use on her, and obviously if I ever passed on before she did, liable to be remembered; which could also trigger her remembering the last time she was told “I aim to please” in the context of telling someone to up and die. I’m not as hurtful as my family. Sure, sometimes I’m an ass but before I open my mouth, I try to wager how much harm it will do. My mother by comparison skips thinking and lets her rage do the picking of words indiscriminately. I still remember some years ago, my mother mock-threatening to stick me with a fork, within earshot of someone who grew up with that. She just doesn’t THINK.

End result? Just over a we bit oer $100 spent on the lesson. The real question is, has she learned anything from it?

A/ Half a tank is not synonymous with out of gas.
B/ You’re not supposed to stop in the middle of the road for no reason.
C/ It’s the driver’s decision not the passengers.
D/ Being an irrational disrespectful bugger gets you no where with a geek.
E/ Be careful what you wish for, English is a very precise language.

Doubt ma has figured any of those out, but alas it does give her something to hate (me) with more focus than normal. Which will at least keep her mind off more serious ailments part of the time. An added benefit of deciding to obey that order to go no further: I’m hated worse than normal for a while, but it distracts her from worse.

I might also note that she almost never allows the car to go further than 20 miles from home, and on roads averaging a speed limit of 35mph to 45mph. That car can go up to 60 miles down the Interstate at an average speed of 70 miles per hour, and not even use up a third of a fuel tank.  When the “Go no further” incident occurred on Sunday, we were just outside walking distance of home and a few miles (or less) from a gas station. That means the chances of running out of gas would have been 0, unless she decided to take a trip to Alabama while we were out. I also bought gas that day, filling up to the mark below full, for $10.01. A full tank of gas for that car would cost about $40 going by the cars manual and average gas prices here.

I have no respect for displays of irrational fear, especially not from someone in their sixties. I’m also used to being automatically despised and loathed by people who should know better.

That’s life.

Stoking the fires of war

Well, today sets a new precedent in my family’s affairs: blocking my mother on all digital medium ^_^.

First notch on the list:

For years (i.e. since gaining steady ‘net access) I have enjoyed the Internet, as it is well beyond my mothers competency to exert much control over what I can and what I cannot do. This includes censoring my freedom of speech.

Second notch on the list:

Rarely being able to say a damn thing without having my words taken out of context and turned against me ad nauseam, whenever my choice of words were not “Agreeable” enough to my mother’s mood.

Third notch on the list:

Being regularly threatened with physical harm, property destruction, and discrimination whenever I refuse to comply with her orders to not express in voice or text what I feel, think, or reason about beyond the scope of my brains own internal monologue. I consider attempting to exert that level of control against someone (i.e. me) who has reached the age of majority, to be a violation of that persons (i.e. my) rights as an American citizen. In plain English my mother is trying to gag me from saying anything she doesn’t like. If the government is forbidden from enacting laws doing such a thing by the first amendment to the U.S. constitution, I rather doubt rather doubt my mother has the legal right to do something similar in this household.

Recent events:

Being verbally attacked (see third notch) for having written this, which you can bet is nothing my mother hasn’t gotten told worse to her face over the years. One of my friends found my mother’s threats over that journal entry, to be rather ludicrous (to describe her reaction with my own words). Another incident (see third notch, above) involved this comment on my Facebook wall: “I find my families lack of logical comprehension disturbing.” Which is also very true, because most of my (immediate) family has very dim comprehension of logic. I often tell my mother to learn English when she annoys me, by not comprehending very simple ideas, like if you do X then Y will follow. I’ve taken enough crap that I’m tired of being threatened.

End result:

I’ve blocked my mothers Facebook account, her e-mail address, and will add any other digital forms as appropriate. Whether or not I will continue to speak to her in person, is a matter for me to think over thoroughly.

In my point of view: my legal rights as a human being and a citizen of the U.S. state of Georgia are being impugned by a hateful control freak. I don’t know any polite synonyms for control freak. Case in point, if as a citizen of the state of Georgia in the United States of America, am allowed to exercise freedom of speech within the scope of what is legally acceptable, I ought to be able to do the same on the Internet without being threatened by my mother.

If I have to take much more of this bullshit, I’m going down to the local courthouse and finding out how to litigate this matter. You don’t screw with geeks.