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I’m tired, very tired. There’s an Italian word that I would use to describe how I feel, but I don’t know how its spelled, and expressing it in English is a little bit tricky. The concept though, extreme exhaustion. Being woken out of a sound sleep didn’t help things very much either!

Spent some of the day playing SWAT 4, but not really in a stable frame of mind.

Ahh crud, “Urgo” in Stargate SG-1 has me creaving pecan pie…. lol. Unfortunantely the only available thing is butter pecan ice cream, alas it’ll have to hit the spot.

Also have been working on updating my laptop, the funky issues with some ports configure scripts failing to locate libltdl were resolved by installing guile and libgphoto2 from packages. Ha, this episode is cracking me up. C++ bindings to the usual GNU libraries are compiling atm. Normally I try to update things every month or so, but lately I haven’t been using my laptop much, so obviously I ain’t been able to update anything.

Used some of the compile time, to play RvS eariler. I expected that I would be pretty rusty, since I haven’t played RvS in maybe 3 or 4 months, if not longer. Yet it seems that all the SWAT 4 action has gotten me even more effective at RvS, hehehe. Maybe I might pop in more often over the coming weeks? Hmm, tempting!

Why am I feeling scatterbrained?

I’m just totally wiped out right now. I’ve been going since Friday with few breaks beyond food/chores, and now it’s Tuesday!

The more I try to figure out how to get free of this place, the more spanners people throw in the works. Virtually all calculations with Operation Redeemer are looking at +1 year, with the potentiality to get much worse, courtesy of family.

I’ve done just about everything to get the operating environment I want, short of resigning from the few games I still play – life would rock if I could setup Xen and have full 3D hardware access in a Win32 guest lol. The more time I spend with Windows, the more and more need I feel surrounded by bogus software. On unix machines, I’ve never had such want for _decent_ software!

I’ve also spent most of the day/night working on a small project, which reminds me of why I utterly hate Content Management Systems—they usually get in my way. If it wasn’t for the CMS specific issues chopping up, I’d probably be done by now. Debugging further isn’t something i have strength for right now, it’s been 5 languages and 8 to 10 hours of work today. Most of it’s also been spent editing via a slow SSH session, using a mixture of vi and vim.

With how many years it’s been since I’ve had a decent vacation, I’m starting to wonder what the last time was that I had *any vacation at all*

It’s getting to be that time, that time frame where I know I need to be getting to sleep… yet, I don’t feel like sleeping. I’m also to tired to do much of anything else :-/. I don’t have to be up early for work tomorrow, unlike today’ish; but I instead have to work most of the day!

What I really need is a vacation. Time away from it all, with not a care in the world…. but then again, I would probably still be miserable lol.

I’m so sick of watching time pass by.

After more then 8 billion bytes of compressed data has been transfered, I now have *all* of my personal files under one hard disk; and am hoping it doesn’t HCF before I’m done with this lol.

Depressingly, this and a few things in my room, really is the sum of my existence here, isn’t it? *sigh* maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Everything is archived in the cold storage partition, once it is copied over to an NTFS partition (as FAT32 is havoc on unix file permissions), I’ll begin sorting, colating, and cleansing data. Very annoyingly hulu.com is not functioning correctly at the moment, so I’ve a bit of a battle for something to watch as well!

Once I’ve got all the data setup, it’ll be time to setup information distribution between each box… that’s gonna be tomorrow I am sure, considering the time of night.

I’m feeling one of those moods best marked as, “some people train cockroaches, I write things” in nature.

I think if I don’t find something to do right now, pretty soon I’m going to go stircrazy¹. I’m really not in the mood for games, I know it too well… I reckon the best thing atm is continue to kick my operating environment into a higher order of work flow.

Lately a lot of things have been passing through my mind, until the marbles resemble scrambled eggs better then brain cells; and as much as I enjoy thinking, sometimes one can overthink. I’m all thunk out at this point, I can’t take anymore. As such, I really need something to focus on right now…. which is problematic with being driven crackers in this place at every twist and turn :-/.

Since I’ve been spending a lot more time on my desktop lately then my laptop (I miss the late nights with my darling Dixie :'(, but SAL1600 compiles faster). This again puts me in the old boat – sharing data between systems; as well as having to deal with shuffling between tools. After 3 weeks of using Windows XP for development tasks, I’ve learned a few new curse words and how to use the childish cmd.exe for automata needs.

Basically the problem at hand is thus:

1. operate on the ‘same’ fundamental data set across all ‘working’ environments
2. be capable of going mobile (laptop), and continue to work even without access to ANY network
3. make the usage of backup and version control packages more uniform
4. further refine the Standard Operating Environment (SOE) to my ever evolving needs

The biggest problem of them all, is Windows XPs user interface really kicks a huge freaking battle-ship sized hole in my ideal work flow…. lol. Alas, at least I can always build up tools as I go. GOD bless Perl, Python, and the rest ;). In the end, I hope to likely be using rxvt/rxvt+tpsh or console2+tpsh for my main user environment; rather then console2+cmd.exe and rxvt+screen+zsh.

¹ In reading further on this issue, I can’t help but wonder if the way life has been, has influenced why I so often take pleasure in being out in rainy weather lol.

a useful link, read again later: http://users.softlab.ntua.gr/~ttsiod/Offline-rsync.html

sigh, woke up a bit early compared to normal, and still about an hour left until it is time to leave for work :-/

It’s starting to get around that time, when I know it’s time to go to bed… I don’t feel like going to bed, because I know it’ll be a while before I fall asleep, and just a bother period. Even worse, there’s nothing left to do that I can get done without being up all night, and I’m to tired for that.

It’s some what alarming for me, that I really haven’t been writing much code this past week; I’m usually happy when writing lots of code or trying to evade misery for a spell. Either way, it usually works out more positively.

Projects of current interest, namely are furthering the development of my command line interpreter (shell) and experiementing with OGRE. There are also several projects on the fore and back burners (comparatively), but these two are the most interesting right now. And I’m to tired to code right now :'(.

I’m not fairing the nights very well lately, things are getting worse in my opinion. Days, eh; hard to tell sometimes. I really need a very long rest, with nothing to trouble me, but the odds of seeing that, oh… are probably closer to the odds of Earth getting slammed by a lethal-sized asteroid in my life time. For some strange and sick reason, an old expression comes to mind, and I spit on it. There just seems to be no relent, from the way things are here; and I struggle to find logic in it. Also coming to mind, is a very old form of torture: have a man dig a hole, them fill it back up, repeating it endlessly.

Hmm, I’ll never understand how I can write a journal entry, and see as I type: in my mind little wikipedia ^[1] like references to memories in my brain :-/. Maybe I just spend to damn much around computers…

time to crash to pillow, be it for better or worse.

When we got to work last Wednesday, the person we work for wanted Ma to take some clohs home and iron them; this time ma decided to use their iron because it is supposed to work much better.

As such, I was ordered to put the iron in the basket in a way that it wouldn’t leak over the cloths; easy enough, although what kind of asshole wouldn’t drain the thing first 8=).

Ma has left it sitting there until today, Tuesday.

Guess what, the iron leaked all over the cloths ^_^.

In response to her trying to pawn the blame off on me, I told her that no one told her to leave the damn iron in there the whole time.

and her technical incompetent still continues to annoy me. I don’t have a problem with people that don’t know better per say, but I do dislike *leeches and assholes*.

Ah, tonight hasn’t been to bad; there’s actually been some good stuff on TV, including one of my favourite movies—The Freshman. While it is far from a blockbuster, there’s just something so cool about their scheme xD. I almost *never* get to enjoy time off, and work begins again tomorrow… so yeah, I think I can take one night to TV for a change.

I’d start coding but I know if I do, it will be closer to 0400 local by the time I go to bed, and tomorrow is likely to drive me nutty enough as is!

One thing has me concerned, earily today when i took the dogs out for a walk, I had the desktop up; by the time we got back, the P.O.S. made a crash landing. For me, the box was pretty much at “idle”, just a music stream and a few IM programs running. I’m beginning to worry about the hardware integrity of the machine as well as the possibilities the drivers are just a pile of steaming shit lol. It’s like, OpenBSD box… runs until the power goes out; FreeBSD laptop… runs practically until I forget she’s on battery for a change >_>. Compare to the Windows box, which probably has more freaking BSODs then any box I have ever owned. Maybe if I had been able to go the custom route, it wouldn’t be such a pain… blasted pre-build has been a torn in my side almost since day 0.

With most of my current coding revolving around C++, and needing something more powerful then my laptops Sempron, I’ve been doing a lot with the desktop lately; it has my only serious prerequisite for coding — a decent build of Vi IMproved installed. MSVC is also a decent enough C++ compiler, as is g++ from the GNU Compiler Collection. So I reckon with all of the time spent compiling code, the hardware is under twice as much stress as normal. Not that it should make much difference, since Dixie has survived much worse and usually constant stress without so much as a burp lol.

Hardware failure has always been my one worry, since it’s more costly then data; good thing I back things up hehe.