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Spent some time to night to journal my thought, a brain dump if you will. To place my mind at a computational ease and to execute a back trace upon which to unravel the stack until some sense be made clear.

If I post it here for future reference, it will probably be fed through a caeser cipher with a rotation only those close to me could guess without brute forcing, just enough technological gain over LJ’s privacy controls to out-fox those who would read over my shoulder. I have a little less distinction then most others do between the public, personal, and private separation of things in so far as my life is largely an open book while I remain a skillful one at holding the secrets I have been entrusted within my life time and maintaining operational security for the things that I need secured. Wile yet remaining quite open about myself, as I have almost nothing to hide.

So the issue of posting it with what ever settings is mostly inrelivent because any harm that could be caused by allowing it to be read, would be by those that the task of decoding would be beyond their ability while no security measure available to avoid such a viewing regardless of posting options if it was not to be encoded.

And the closest of my friends generally know of what it would contain, although few among the living know from what rotations I would chose when selecting the key to a Caeser Cipher.

And I look forward to tomorrow, because I will hopefully have the time to play with upgrading the test machine in ways most definitely not supposed or intended by the systems designers hehe.

For now, I need some sleep and I suppose I can forget about the ~/brain-dump.backtrace file for now. I suspect odds are in the future I will add more to it,

 wc brain-dump.backtrace
#    lines  words  bytes file
     225    2344   12081 brain-dump.backtrace

MIT Fights for Clean Power With Holy Grail of Fusion in Reach

This article is quite interesting for me, maybe I’m an old ‘Mech head at heart but I think a practical and eventually miniaturized fusion power source is the real block on some day seeing a real ‘Mech walking about. Well, that and about 20 Billion dollars a year to develop the rest of the hardware and software environment xD.

And to top it off, there research seems to be putting the concepts used in tokamaks to work. Man I ain’t heard hide nor hair of one in ages..

Who knows, maybe in 70-150 years the power problem will be solved, if there’s still a planet left.. Either way I probably won’t live to see it but hey, a lad can dream. If a practical fusion reactor could be developed and put to propulsive uses without needing a capitol ship or any thing else huge to do it, oh baby would that open a few doors to what we could do. But what ever comes up over the next few decades, will still probably be to large to be very portable :

Ahh some time to rest I hope.

Bumped the chair into the roof moving it from the living room to mybedroom… woke ma up which got me sent out to cover the car, which woke up the dogs lol.

It’s only 35 degrees Fahrenheit out (~1.6 Celsius) even with the wind chill so it’s not to bad, just breezy. Call me strange but I’m out in a T-Shirt lol –> Born in Florida I love the cold weather xD.

With a little luck maybe I can get some rest. I know Willow is pissed that it’s to cold to go outside (lucky for me). Hopefully I can catch the rest of Jumanji snd get a bit of work done before any one else wakes up…

:

I sit here trying to concentrate on getting stuff done. I can hear the mutterings of my family behind my back, in both in the idiomatic and physical sense since my back is to the wall which is in front of them. Some how I find the song that is playing in Amarok interestingly a stroke of semi-logic.

The muse to my productivity, hell 13 hours today complete the work I started the day before yesterday — it’s like being at the zoo ! Is it a wonder I may be awake till dawn to complete my endeavours?

And of issues they wish… To release me from my chains only so long as to shackle me anew to another post with stronger bindings. An effort I resist, if I’m made to suffer I will not sacrifice my entirety that others may lounge. It’s of my opinion that if you fail to plan a head, you best be prepared to weep the whirlwind that shall follow…

My mother got a torn stuck in her foot that was tracked in, do I hesitate to help? No, instead I do what I can.. Including tracking down the teasers. I’m not a cruel person by the soul, although I have more then a few brutal bones… The only time I aim to hurt others with my words is when I know from [to much] trial and error that it is all they will understand, or worse all that will keep them from striking at my spirit further.

When there’s trouble, I run, whether I think aid is deserved or not. But I will only go so far.. While I might pull a thorn, I’m not about to go as far as mental seppuku over her lack of planning.

I will not have my future bared from me until I am unable to pursue it further, I struggle enough to reach it now. I seek the opposite path then the one they bid me to take. The one that leads me to a chance, a chance to see my hopes realized, myself validated. To some day walk a free man among my peers with my head held high, that only GOD may choose for me and no other without my consent.

There is a poem that I came across in my web travels awhile back. I think it explains things all to well as I feel them.

Without consideration, without pity, without shame
they have built great and high walls around me.

And now I sit here and despair.
I think of nothing else: this fate gnaws at my mind;

for I had many things to do outside.
Ah why did I not pay attention when they were building the walls.

But I never heard any noise or sound of builders.
Imperceptibly they shut me from the outside world.

–Constantine P. Cavafy (1896)

In retrospect those words should be required reading in American Schools much like a few others are already. Hmm, what was it that dear Mr Jefferson helped to pen?

“that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

About the only right I have freedom to exercise here is my right to life, my right to choose and I will not relinquish it.

My soul belongs to the LORD, to no one else.

oy it’s been a hazardous day :

Sick of laying around, sick of jumping around!

Finally finished my effort to convert the new RoE SOP to LaTeX. The main reason is that I can generate us a crap load of formats out of it and keep the source easy enough for most people to update even without my skillset. I packed it up in a ZIP and sent it to En4cer. I think after adding my sig to the SOP it is supposed to be official going by the finalized En4cer sent but until I hear about it. I’m keeping the files under my hat as far as those outside the SNCO project are concerned.

I must admit I am some what disappointed with the SOP Rewrites, don’t get me wrong its great material. It’s just the issue of workload balancing and time, sheesh man this stuff should’ve been done before I was even a Cpl… Let along sitting on my desk when I was made RSM.

LaTeX is a really good format, it’s pretty easy for every one to edit with a minimal understanding of it. And for some one like me it can become a very valuable tool. I’ve long since gave up on word processors, it’s like the worst idea in typesetting history if you ask me. I think half the bloody books I’ve read were probably passed through TeX / PostScript sooner or later in printing any way.

With my great dissatisfaction with word processing at the WYSIWYG level because it is such false advertising when you share files ^_^ and the crappy selection of portable formats. I eventually took to using XHTML/CSS for documents to be printed.. I’m fluent in XHTML but still it adds overhead to editing. LaTeX on the other hand, the learning curve is there for the sake of learning how to do XYZ when it pops up but it makes editing documents much easier.

Using Microsoft Word was harder then LaTeX haha and tables in LaTeX feel a little less pesky then they have always felt to me in XHTML. I think though one of my fundamental problems is that I’m linguistically diverse by nature.

I’m also some one that likes to work with data in comfort without having to worry about layout on other peoples system. That is one reason I tend to include a PDF version of all of my documents, at least that one will look proper lol.

Here I sit, the darkness is on the brink

the business of the day gone by

my emotions come to intrude even upon the solace of my coding

I reach out for the things I desire

yet the seem to far off to go

will I ever reach the destination?

Will it even be the destination I seek…

Oh how I long…

the memories of the past haunt me

dreams of the future wound me

yet what else is there for me?

But my memories and my dreams

Of the things lost

of the things sought

the road is narrow as I stumble

all there is here is pain

till I reach the end of the journey

yet I can not tell how long it shall be

only that it be long and hard

what will await at the end?

to truth or to sorrow

to passion or to torment

I reach towards the future yet my arm is blocked, tied, constrained

bound by the past, of wounds still fresh

I can’t help but wonder, what will the future bring…

Be it madness, be it happiness, as long as it comes to a success.

what is life but a tail of joys and sorrows.

the deeds of ones hands and thy toil.

Of loves lost, of loves to be found…

Tis to an end my dear,

for I can bear it no more.

the mind must learn to forget,

as a new day looms.

To a new horizon I set sail

and of the warm waters I dream

in search of that island paradise

once more, forever more.

— The driftings of a spider

EOF

so fscking tired…

I’ve spent most of the day hoping and jumping about doing things, a good headache is here to show for it too.

I’ve also got work very early tomorrow for which I’ve been reminded about 5 times in the past half hour and many more over the past 2 or 3 days — my thinking on the matter

If I could get /work/ done during the day rather then running ragged or worse. I wouldn’t be up till 5 in the F’ing morning !!!!

Some how I knew today was going to be a living hell before I even went to sleep :

I think the best description of today would be emotionally bleeding out… I think if I was any one else I know except me. That I would’ve spent most of today stone cold, stark raving drunk.

Being myself however I’m sober as a cod fish.

*sighs*

I love my family… Even if it is hard some times.

My dreams haunt me, the memories of the past chase me… hopes of the future torment me.

Am I sane or insane? Does it matter…

My soul longs, the spirit is strong but the flesh is unable to endure.

My pain surrounds me, like a wall of razors

Each to an end, each to a beginning.

I grow so tired of the runners stress.

Yet peaceful shores lay so far off.

Is there nothing to comfort me?

I see again that face in my minds eye

that which haunts me

of the love lost

what future could have been?

oh is there no end to it.

The heavy weights come crushing down

my bones creak and fray

but refuse to shatter

the struggle never ending

the escape is null

while the path lay shrouded in darkness

the road back bleak as the distraught.

this eternal business no longer serves its purpose

my feelings overcome me

my mind trashed, heart rended loose.

fear, uncertainty, doubt are but trifles.

of anger and sorrow

nothing else to give, nor to take

only one thing remains

I stand alone against the onslaught

but not truly alone

yet my strength is week,

I have little more to resist with

the temptation is strong

the mind cracks and buckles

and the body flows

but only an empty sorrow prolongs

tis to which end?

And what fate shall lay before

to one road lays death

to the other, does my heart reside?

only time will tell

as I try not to fail

I crumble ever so

but unyieldingly remain

to struggle on to an uncertain end.

hope is like a sword with two edges

it lends the power to survive the terror

yet it cuts as deep as the bone

surrender is not a ranger word

though I be not one, my vocabulary is the same.

the ability to give up is not mine

to the true path I seek

to stay the course and fail no more

until that fateful day comes

when I become one again

no longer spread to the winds

but to a bright future bound.

— the ravings of a lune.

build on test machine, transfer to laptop:

GIMP

Qt4

PyQt4 ?

probably inkscape

logic:

kolourpaint doesn’t go far and krita is not a program I’m formfotable with

I’d like access to Qt4.3.3 on my laptop rather then just my desktop — compiling under windows is not fun compared to a unix box that includes a compiler, debugger, editor, make, and most every thing else to start with 🙂