*sighs* there goes any slack I get :

I’m looking at an assignment coming my way that I’m not fond of, one of those “I will but don’t want” kind of assignments… Of course I take it unquestionably, I know no other response.

I ain’t leaving my teammate high & dry.

If he can take his own work load in the arrangement… I can take mine. I’ll pass out when he does <_<
And so begins… an interesting journey.

Writer’s Block: If at first you don’t succeed…

What have you tried in life that you just weren’t very good at?

Live Journals Writer’s Block

You name it and if I’ve tried it, I probably wasn’t very good at it.

Games ? Well actually I was quite good when I was in diapers lool but after that not so good. I was never quite talented at any of them but look at the road.

I hold the “ultimate victory” score of over 100 wins in Soul Blade, me and my brother actually used to sit and play that much of it, then play some Tekken 3 :-). Although he did get me back by countering my tactics in later years. But in the move to Soul Calibur II and Tekken IV I was back on top in the end. He’s always been more skilled at fighting games then me though.

Since Motal Kombat I, Street Fighter II, Killer Instinct, Tekken 2, Soul Blade, and countless others. I never was really that skilled at it but I remember my hay day in Soul Blade. If I ever would have had the opportunity for it that is one game I would really have wanted to get into a tournament or some thing for so I could see how I would’ve racked up against others.

First Person shooters ? I’m not even going to go there haha. Although with the many I’ve played, in the end it’s usually been creamy.

Flight Sims? Heck the first time out I think I probably crashed like 40 or 60 times but then it was natural. I love the dog fighting, gun to gun but I’ve never found AI that was much skilled at actually flying. I remember one time when my brother saw me at work he was like “you lethal bastard” or some thing <_<. I remember Ace Combat 3, nice game but a little to arcade like — the boss fights however. I remember the Raven and the Aurora, so fast, so agile that they are worth a fight… even if you can take them down in like 3 minutes blind folded or some thing I forget what the max time was for an A-Rank. They were still some of the best evasive pilots I’ve seen in Fighter AI!

MechWarrior ? I was horrid at first, I remember when I first played online I don’t think I even scored one kill, if I did probably with like 5-8 deaths in the process. I had my ‘favorite’ setup, a 45 Ton Shadow Cat with lots of speed, armour, but few weapons — just enough to count ‘legally’ as damage. The other MechWarrior used a heavier 70-75 Ton ‘Mech like a Timerberwolf or Cauldron Born full of ER Large Lasers and blew my ‘Mech to pieces.

I was always proud of my piloting ability, I was even complimented on it at times. But I was always some what disappointed during my MechWarrior gaming career, to little battle tech and much to little engineering involved. Still I trained with my best wings, 2 on 1 and I was the 1 while my friends were the two. Eventually I could hold my own in ‘Mech combat. Our last year together in the Vengeance League playing MW4:Mercs, we all placed in the upper half of the leagues top 100, like the three musketeers we were. I think Cyborg might’ve almost made it to the top 10 one year.

I was a specialized in Snipeing and Light ‘Mech ops. Ever heard of some one getting jealous over your supposed relationship with your ‘Mech? Haha… Mage & Cyb might still remember that one more funny’ly then I do (touchy subject) but it was nuts. Ah it was some fun days back in the ‘days, wild and crazy across the field. I also remember when I finally scored the bragging rights hehe. Me and Cyb used to dual a lot, often in Nova Cat (sniping) and he usually would win. One day I took him on in a 20 Ton light ‘Mech and owned his 70 Ton Nova Cat with my Fire Moth — Now that was gratifying lool. Sadly the next patch crippled the Fire Moth and it became useless :-(. We used to do great in 2on2’s because of how often we did 1on1’s lol.

I don’t really miss MW4 a lot, I do miss hanging with my friends and rackign up wins in the leagues together though but it was probably good that we retired. The community really got pretty bad by the time I left it, now it’s probably totally gone as we knew it.

Raven Shield ? Hahahahahah !!!! I think I was up to the bar as good as any one else by my side as a Trp. I don’t consider myself better or worse then my fellow members in [SAS] but when I first started playing Raven Shield…. I’d be lucky if I could get past the first tango ! And look at me today, not a great run but compared to day one it’s an Olympian metal.

[click to enlarge]
Last man standing and top spider

[SAS] and CQB Tactics and things? Dead as a doornail at first but years later… I’m an RSM, one of the most senior NCO positions on the team. As an NCO? I think I was probably one of the greatest failures as a LCpl… That’s my feelings on the matter but as an SSM? Much better at teaching I think and defintally much more productive either way. I some what regret though, that I’ve never been a Drill Instructor. Maybe in the future I’ll get the chance.

Accuracy in First Person Shooters ? When I played Medal of Honor on the PS1 my average scores were in the 25-39% range with a lot of arm shots. In [SAS] in Rvs my average accuracy is more of 45-65% and occasionally on good days 70-90%, not bad when you consider in _most_ games people would be spraying and praying like a moron hitting a tenth of the time lool. Give me a sniper rifle, a good mark to shoot at, and a good secure firing position and I’ll rack’em up — I don’t like missing. Last time I played one of the MoH games my accuracy was much higher like 54-77% and mostly torso and headshots, that is what 2 years in the 22nd SAS Elite Virtual Regiment will do for ya.

Programming ? Well I wouldn’t call my self skilled but I’ve come millions of miles since I started. When I first started even the syntax for the control flows were tough to figure out, now… Many languages later, many lines later, and still no formal education I’m actually able to do some thing! I knew no one was going to teach me, so I looked for source to read, being able to read other peoples code (shit or gold) is a big part of it. Writing, well… I am the only one that has an opinion of it and I rather like that I could define rules for operating on my C code lol.

Much of my style and ways of doing things revolve around the concept that I’ve got to read it, I’ve got to edit it, I ain’t gonna remember it all two months from now, and some one else could have to to; s’one reason I try to be consistent. I don’t have much to say about other peoples code unless there is a problem. But with what I write, I try to get it working, then I try to make it the best I can, because it’s my work.

Exercise and Physical actives? Never been much for it but able to do plenty.. I remember with the drills, oy I hate exercise lool. It’s comforting though to know what your body can do though, and to work towards improving it.

Computers? When I first started I was limited to loading programs off of floppies and even then I needed to know what program to run off them (I’d never heard of the ‘dir’ command). Now, *cough* over 16 or 17 years later I’m the most computer literate person I know in the real world who isn’t *paid* to know more then I do.

Online and in Life, I’ve met more then a few superiors whom I respect… but no equals. One thing that saddens me some what about this neck of t’woods, mostly fools and even worse in my age group… lol.

School? I did very poor at first, I also hated it and I still do actually… I remember when I was in kindergarten when I first learned how to write a ‘5’, practically had me torn apart in the process… Kind of what happens when your home schooled and teachers your mother <_<. In retrospect, the majority of my grades over the years have always been As, maybe an average of low to mid 90s. Before high school (read no one over my shoulder) it was a case of do it perfect or you ain’t leaving the table.

Reading? I failed like the 2nd or 3rd grade because I couldn’t read; which ever one it was required to know how by then. My family put me through that hooked on phonics crap — did me for me nothing but piss me off royally. I wanted to read a boot myself that one of my good friends had introduced me to, so I put more effort in. The lady that was doing my evaluations was shocked “He’s reading!” and I passed.

Going into like the 7th grade or some thing when I was tested, my reading skills were all noted as N months into collage. I inhale books, as long as interest and time holds I read like 50-150 pages a day when I dig into a book. I *love* to read, they couldn’t get me to read as a kid until I wanted to. Then they couldn’t stop me from reading haha, my mother threated to steal the book lights >_>

Pool, miserable at first but back in the ol’days I used to be a threat 🙂 Same thing in checkers, although I must admit even today I probably enjoy Chess more then I have skill at it 0.o

The list could go on and on, most stuff I’ve ever gotten into I wasn’t excellent at until I got into it further. To be honest, I don’t think there are many things we are just naturally good at, most people I’ve seen are not any way and those few people that are naturally good at the stuff they do are lucky.

Hmm, you know maybe there is some thing I was good at without being horrible first… but that’s not for public announcement haha.

It’s some what odd really, one way or the I hear a lot of things. People tell me, some times I’m just included, etc. I’ll never quite get it lool but that’s the way things are. Any way you slice it, I’m a pair of ears with a strong lock’n’key on what they hear.

Marriages don’t always work out, but I can’t honestly fathom some things. I think, if you ever truly love a person that you never stop loving them.

If I didn’t believe that, maybe my own life wouldn’t be so miserable at times. But if I did believe such was possible, well it would certainly be an empty life to live.

Things can get fraged, aye — some times beyond repair, and some times to a point that they must be done with. Perhaps I am strange but I place more value on the concept then most of my peers.

If the heart had eyes, we would all be single, and we’d have plenty of enemies but no friends.

Hmm, not so sure if that is all bad or not some times… But for most people probably not a good one lol. Oh well, it is a strange world.

Between ma’s TV, my playlist, and the birds screeching I think I’m getting a headache lol.

Sitting about, gnoshing on some chips with the dog, and waiting on some [SAS] Business, other wise I’d be flat out of here and to my laptop <_<

Oh well, time to play it good and loud (y)

Settling in for the night

The oh so lack of any thing more willing to do… lol.

I guess I’ll settle into work on the book, I have the source open in vim and the original draft in abiword.

At first it started as an MS Word document which essentially served to draft much of the text. Later on I eventually decided to do a bit of ‘porting’ to a more normal style of writing. ]for me]. At the time I started it, I chose to write it in a narrative like manor because I’ve never been accustomed to reading or writing in that style and really wanted to try it. Perhaps it was a good idea at the time; while my inspirations were all the more closer to heart.

Eventually I decided to opt for the style of writing I’m used to, essentially negating much of the draft to scratch paper. When I decided to give up on word processors I also gave up on finishing the book… After I got around to using Vim + TeX/LaTeX for my typesetting needs instead of XHTM+CSS (i.e. what webpages are made of) I eventually restarted work on it, including the change in style.

The ToC atm

1 Prologue                                                                     5
2 The Beginning 7
3 No Way Out 11
4 The Last Patrol 13
5 The Nightmare 17
6 The Hanger 19
7 Simulator 21
8 The Drop 23
9 Into the Breach 25
10 Capture & Evasion 27
11 Reunited Again 29
12 The Records 31
13 Into the Wolfs Den 33
14 Epilogue 35
A Character Biographies 37
A.1 Heros & Heroines . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
A.2 The Villainous Bunch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
A BattleMech Specifications 39
A.1 Inner Sphere 'Mechs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
A.2 Clan OmniMechs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

Is essentially a transplant of each section named in the original draft, While the draft covers approximately 75-80% of the content, I’ve yet to finish transitioning it all here, I can reorganize it later.

Don’t know if the structure will stay, I mentally break things up a bit differently… based on the different segments of the story rather then a scene by scene basis.

Oh shit, not this lot again
Hitting the fan
Runs, Guns, and Healing
Revelations
Sacrifice
End Game

but that is not exactly conventional means hehe… At least, that is how I see things, which is a logical progression of supportive and flowing events.

As James Midnight is drawn forcefully back into the ol’outfit. To the mission going to heck in a hand basket, leading to him and Isabella Valkyrie litterly running for their lives, gathering arms, searching for safety.. Leading to a much overdue time for reconciliation. Only to be rocked by the shocking truth of their mission. And a lovers sacrifice leading to the final battle to the death thar will decide their fate: the Atlas Vs the Direwolf.

I don’t consider myself much of a writer, but when my imagination runs away with me I know a good story or two hehe.

I always thought of it as being to short in length, although the conversion from MS Word to a properly typesetable file format shows me it is going to be longer then I had originally imagined. Which really is interesting because the draft was rather lacking in my natural verbosity lol.

Oh well, tis start time.

*SIGH*

Bored as watching molasses roll down a hill on a cold day

Yet to tired to actually do much of any thing [useful] :

Not very interested in tinkering with the files in ~/Documents/Personal/ at the moment.. I write what I feel, and organize the thoughts later: not some thing I am in the mood for tonight.

In the same directory is a folder with the files for a book I have been working on, on/off since like 2004’ish. Not really in the mood to /concentrate/ on it but at least it would be some thing to do, especially if I opted for working on a part that comes a bit more natural…

Then again, that includes the things I’m trying to distance myself from..

~/Documents/Computers/Vi-User-HOWTO is still not finished yet although there is only a few more paragraphs to do. I just don’t have the strength for it tonight.

I really need to get back to work on both NPM and my home work, the code is almost ready for a beta release, both just needs me with energy and free time combined.

One thing I have noticed, I find kghostview much better then kpdf, combines the performance of ghostscripts viewer and the ease of use the kde programs have. I can’t help but wonder what the new viewer in KDE4 will be like performance wise.

Equillibrium

S’just one of those days, where you just keep breathing in and out and nothing more.

I think I know a few who would probably get drunk, and _stay_ drunk at the rate things are going. Some times I wish I could join them 0.o

The files in my home directory continue to grow..

I think I’d rather like to fill my canteen (assuming I could still find it), nab the camera just in case, and take a nice hike through the woods and enjoy the scenery for awhile… Although with my luck even if I could get out of this rats nest. I’d probably get in worse trouble that way :, wouldn’t be suprised if I got shot at 8=).

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

— “He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven”, William Butler Yeats

The last parts of which was quoted by Grammaton Cleric First Class Errol Partridge (Sean Bean) in one of my favorite action flicks, Equillibrium.

Video clip

Hmm, that music sounds familiar.

days thoughts

So far the updates to my old Vi User how-to are going quite nicely, all things considered.

I’ve come to using GNU Make for automation work, to be honest if I had to use make features that are not standardized. GNU Make is the best bet to learn extensions any way because it is the most available set of extensions.

I’m not partial to BSD or GNU Make in the least, I only care about a working tool.

BSD Make failed to accept the makefile I setup for TeX documents, GNU Make accepted it without problem while BSD Make seems to barf at it. As long as the document gets build without me having to abuse my shells history features I don’t care lol.

The main problem is all of my projects are on a snails creep right now, courtesy of my family.

You know, I think I would love to take a pot & ladle from the kitchen. Then go pace back and forth in front of them banging the ladle on the pot; shouting “How do you like it” until I’m blue in the face — let them experience rest on their days off like *my* days off are spent doing things!

Oh what fun it could be to just be a cruel bastard for a change…

And how peaceful life could be if any one could head my words instead of [as good as] spiting at them.

Some what of a strange dream…

Some where in the middle east, with a friends unit, dressed in civilian cloths, with the patrol, and carrying an SA-80 to boot.

The squad was coming out the back of a building and loading people into the Humvees. I saw a runner with a rifle and started shouting some thing like “Tango 4 o’clock” at my friend but he didn’t hear it… he kept moving. The enemy raised his AKM to fire at him so I shouldered the SA80 and put a double tap into him.

While killing is arguably the only serious problem I have with the idea of military service… Your squad or the prick out to kill all of you? That is kind of a forced decision if I’ve ever heard of it, especially if you’re armed.

Tango on the deck, friends alive… much preferable don’t you think?

What a strange dream for an American!

Especially when you consider I’m more partial to the H&K G36K Rifles then the American M16A4 and British SA80A2s hehe.

Musings about the new GCC

GCC 4.3.0 exposes a kernel bug

Interesting discussion,

I know FreeBSD 7 is moving to GCC4 for the system compiler, iirc 7.0-Release comes with 4.2.x. I have GCC 4.3 installed on this laptop but my primary reason for it is that I wanted to try GCJ, the GNU Compiler for Java :-).

I can’t say the same about Linux distros but I’d expect FreeBSD to always make sure the systems compiler won’t have problems with a build world/kernel cycle.

I’ve only used GCCs 3.x.x C and C++ compilers but I’m not partial, all I expect from a compiler is sufficient standards compliance to the current standards. GCC 3.4.6 might not be perfect but hey, it beats Microsoft’s C Compiler hands down last I tried it :-).

I used to collect some types of software, text editors, terminal emulators, shells, window managers, and sometimes even office suites but I never took to collecting C Compilers. Largely because I don’t want to sit and wait to compile one more often then needed haha.