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Been rather busy of sorts. Times been intermixed between matters of philosophy, you could say; and a small web related gig. I must admit, it is fun to see just how fast my brain can slurp up a large web framework.

That is something that kind of separates people like me, from the average user. We have a sort of “Web fu“, that lets us quickly gather tons of information. It goes beyond that though, deeper into all sorts of information sources. You should picture Sherlock Holmes explaining what a glance at a customer tells him lol.

If we can think about it, there isn’t much my sort of geek can’t figure out, given enough time and resources; each of which create an interesting expression of how long it takes to figure something out.

Now if only I had time to study rocket science!

Well, I’ve about had it for the day. The one goal I’ve had was to shave and get cleaned up, her royal pain decided to go shopping before her job interview, so that was delayed. To top it off while passing the time with my laptop, waiting for her to get back from the interview; I found an error in the systems git package.

When leaving, we was pulling out of a very tight space and this little piece of plastic sticking out of the bumper caught on the neighbouring car. It left a small ~1″ scratch on the other cars fender and took off most of ma’s bumper. The fords front bumper has been hanging by a thread for over a decade with a large gash and shards sticking out, because when it was smashed up back in Florida by someone that ran a red light, my mother didn’t spend any of the insurance money on fixing her bumper lol.

Waited for the owner of the other car and apologized for the scratch, she didn’t care but took ma’s insurance information and gave us her name/number just in case. Unlike some people in my family, I hold myself responsible for my mistakes; some people just drive off. If I fuck up, I admit it.

Tending to the family ford wasn’t much problem, the bumper is just like 3mm of painted plastic with a strip of hardened rubber glued on the front. Borrowed a scissor for cutting off the rubber link and adjusted the straps to keep the bumper hanging. Ma has had it hanging half off in one corner for years with plastic cords hooking it to the hood anyway.

Afterwards my mother asked if I thought I should still have my license after this, and I told her that I’ve seen her do much worse herself, and reminded her that she has been driving for over 40 years; by contrast I only started driving about 10 months ago. Actually now that I think of it, I haven’t even been driving for 10 months, because ma pissed away like January through May or April before she even let me drive the fucking car <_<.

As to what sort of things she has done over the years, in fact, if you search through my journal far enough, you’ll find a record of ma smashing the rear bumper in the grocery store parking lot, and just driving off illegally. Now how is that for being a responsible senior citizen?

I decidedly prefer Qt over GTK, and wish it’s third party language bindings were better, outside of Pythons o/

When there’s long stretches between entries, that is when I flush thoughts to my journal; there’s usually one of three causes. Either I’m to busy to breath, hitting rock bottom, or both. Looking at my posting records over the last four years, this seems to be fairly consistent o/

It’s been a bit busy lately, I’m very tired right now. Friday a friend figured out a way that I can get around my mothers’ communications block sufficiently, so I spent most of today (well, technically yesterday in another 30mins lol) filling out another round of job applications. Somehow, I think that I’ve learned that GOD and friends make better obstacle removers, and family better obstacle creators.

With a little tweaking to get my laptop into the loop, I should now be independent of ma’s phone systems, and thus her control over that aspect of things. The past couple weeks have been rather lax, largely because of losing the commu’ block. I can apply all I want, but a lot of good that would do if any calls back get routed to /dev/null, now does it? Using this new setup, I’m free of that delema. Finally!

Family may as well be the most vocal proponents in favour of the idea that I’m a useless bastard worth less than the lump of flesh in front of my computer, yet also tends to be the most obstinate bunch about helping improve life’s situation rather than hindering my plans.

Really, it is annoying. How people can act saintly and blameless as a white sheet while dangling the knife they’ve been stabbing with, and do it in such a way they can fain innocence. At least, that’s what it looks like. Yeah, I believe 0+6 can be > 0, don’t you? Not.

Today is one of those lovely days, you know, the kind where you would rather …

Day started off with having to take the car in for emissions inspection. The usual being badgered well in advance. Got maybe five or six hours sleep, depending on what hour it was when I finally dozed off. Garage declined to do the inspection, because of steel belting showing through the tyres and the front end being so far out of alignment that the bay chief didn’t want any of his techs putting it on the dyno. That means driving over to the mechanic and dropping about $230, plus picking up a pair of aft tyres later on. I’m still counting down the hours until my mother can figure out something venom filled over that one. When I was loading the car for tomorrow and noticed it leaking a bit of anti-freeze, I couldn’t help but laugh. It’s so fucked I can’t do anything else, except cry and I would rather laugh until I cry. At least that’s the best of both choices.

Obviously the most cheerful thought of my whole day, is of course: my mother wondering if I’ve any money she can barrow or anything of value to haulk in a pawn shop. The fact that anything I have to offer, is likely on her collateral with a loan company being aside the point. I intend to call a few pawnshops and see what they will take for a few bits of electronics, that I doubt will carry much of a price. All my life, I’ve never been alotted anything of value (unless you count friends tangibly). Like I’ve got anything to pawn, that isn’t a piss in the bucket?

It’s nice, when I need help, she will sit on her fat ass for half a year. When I turn to the job issue, she’s another obstacle. However when she needs something, she’ll all but sell my plasma to the first bidder. Ain’t love grand? Undoubtedly, I point out that if she wants help out of me, she shouldn’t have pissed away my time on the whole license/job thing. I wonder if they still buy human hair.

My original plan for the day, was to just work on getting as much of a small coding project (that I really need to get done), than focus on the job issue for the next several days, distracted by my workload. With my mothers near perfect commu’ block, I don’t expect that to work out very well. Trying to get a call through this place is futile and she keeps it that way. Between my mother and everything else, obviously nether objective has gotten done today. Some people have fun gaming or partying, coding relaxes me and I enjoy it.  No one seems to be able to understand that, except for more my kind of people. Those are rare.

It makes me fucking sick. I’m not good enough to care about, only good enough to be used. That’s what life here is like. I would do well, if I learned how not to care. Even better, odds are, if I learned to be amoral and give up on my concepts of right/wrong, ethics, and the like. Sometimes I hate being me. Unlike a lot of people on the earth, it doesn’t matter if you can be of use to me or not, I care about you the same either way. Like I say, I have only one face.

This reminds me, I really need to get the razor out of moth balls…. I’m starting to look like this guy.

Why am I looking in the freezer for paper towels?

Because I’m happy, that’s why.

My replacement headset has finally arrived

Hmm, my mother is so deathly tired she walks in my room and asks me to make her something for lunch, a sandwich would be nice. Oh, and while I’m going to be in the kitchen anyway, could I fill her water and bring back her bag of potato chips?

Then she walks into the kitchen ahead of me to fiddle with the water bottles. She’s was also much to tired to take her potato chip back with her when waltzing out of the kitchen. By the time I’ve delivered her glass of water, she’s already gotten up again and walked to the kitchen. I go back to making the sandwich once she gets out of the way.

Somehow, I think everyone else in my family would have shouted, “Make your own ******** sandwich!” If you have strength enough for all that walking, odds are you can at least carry a several oz bag of potato chips with you, it’s not like lugging a 10lbs bag of Kartoffeln!

It seems, that while no one put up a fuss that in the original Medal of Honor, you could play Allied or German characters in death match. As far as I know, there has never been a fuss about the later games which both expanded that very far and even took in the Japanese!  Yet now that they are making a new game, just called “Medal of Honor”, people are bitching that one of the sides in multiplayer was supposed to be the Taliban, to which there has been enough fuss to simply rename it in the usual OPFOR fashion of AA. What the fuck is wrong with people today.

That is how it is, unless you design multiplayer like America’s Army: which few people care to, nor have any reason to, go quiet that far to make everyone the “Good guy”. There is also the old DF approach of making both teams look almost identical, resorting in that only noobs and griefers are likely to TK.

Someone has to be on each side of a multiplayer game, that’s how you tell which set of fucking morons you can shoot at! If having one side be the Taliban is so bad, why not make it U.S. Army versus British Army, and let someone make a stink about that!