Buttons smashed

by

Her Royal Pain is good at smashing buttons. It is always assumed, irregardless of time of ay, that I am I awake, and doing sufficiently nothing, and usually that I can never have something to be doing, other than what she wants. She can move her fat arse across the hallway, walk into my room, and demand something. She can’t make a left instead of a right, and carry back from the kitchen whatever she wanted. She  is someone who finds sitting to exhausting to even be helpful.

If I don’t agree with being used, I either get pushed or I get guilted and pushed or I get threatened and pushed. She doesn’t really give a shit, as long as she gets what she wants. No amount of manipulation or coercion is generally beyond application, if she wants it enough.

I do not think that way: I refuse to.

and I am stubborn enough to refuse to cooperate, based on principal.

So for my trouble, I get made miserable with stress levels going past the point of  a cartoon vein buldging out ones forehead. Is it any wonder that I hate my life?.

A humourous 100th

by

After throwing the covers off my head and looking over my laptops LCD, I noticed the sun was finally up. So i moved my laptop over to the table I’ve put up next to my desk… thinking I’ll just put my bottle of water on the desk next to me.

Then I had to stop and think for a moment, seeing my Raven Shield disk sitting in that spot: do I really want to use this CD-ROM as a coaster?

by

Everythng short of beating my head into a wall…. and I’m still awake, and I was dreamng about code again :'(.

by

Managed to get out for a bit, on ‘errands’, but also visit the library. After helping ma find what she wanted to look up, I got to sit down and read in peace for a couple hours.

I was reading Prioritizing Web Usability, and went through sth like 250-300 pages in one sitting. Very good book and well typeset. Of course the way my mind is, I was reading it like web pages, I read very quickly, usually. Web pages I can parse twice as fast if it’s not to dense (the book wasn’t). The huge difference? Sitting in the library, at peace without being driven nuts, and having my mind sufficiently occupied, I was able to focus in and relax. The other night while reading on the couch, I had to read sentences like three or for times, to compensate for the squawking at and throbbing head o/. Hey, I can multitask something fierce, I even can swim in regular development stress with a smile, but I’m at my best with peace and quite. The kind you can’t get at home…

Maybe it is a weird thing but sitting and reading at a library, is my idea of relaxation lol. The downside of course is coming home again, but I guess, nothing is perfect..

by

Fell asleep in the middle of a conversation that just started: dreamt that I was an agent stowed away in an insane asylum in deep space,  and was setting off a nerve gas to distract local NBC troops guarding it. Woke up and checked the time stamps on the chat log and less than 12 minutes passed :-S.

Upside of having little to do in the morning: sometimes I doze off.
Downside: I naturally wake back up in a few minutes.

by

One thing I’ve noticed is I seem to be writing shorter sentences a bit more. Odd, my writing patterns usually follow my minds structures, in so far as you can put them into English. I’ve also noticed trying to concentrate, leading to a nice feeling along the lines of having ones head squeezed :-/.

It’s also past 0900 UTC / 0500 local, and I’ve run out of things to keep me busy…

Resistence is futile: I can’t sleep

by

Oh how I tried -/. Either I would dream of coding this super RoR app, something that’s been on my mind of late; but I’ve evaded because I’ve not the focus left, to spend that much time in deep concentration. My mouth is watering just thinking about dreaming about coding. It’s very rare that I have ever dreamt of coding, usually it comes when I code excessively or can’t code for a stretch. This time of life is more a stretch.

Before I woke up to wide awake, I was dreaming that I was walking cover for my friend, who was on point. Like a SWAT team going through an office, the real thing: not a game.  Reminds me of just how much [SAS] waters down the art form, to an almost child like level; at least, that’s the level I had to play at to keep within an acceptable margin of those infernal training standards. It was an exhilarating dream. We moved through as the tip of about a 4-6 man clearing team, I had an M4 and a M1911, decked out, M4 even had one of those illumenator/pointer thingys mounted that you would use with NVGs. I can’t remember the name of it right now. Reminds me, supposed to get together for some RvS at some point, wonder if he’s learned to shoot yet. It’s easier to practice IRL, but I reckon a game is useful. I know more than average, because I take it from a realistic perspective, real buildings make better simulations to analyze then video games do.

Now I’m wide awake, tried going back to sleep for a bit, really tried.. but can’t just hit my head into the wall. Probably a good idea, but I’ve to little brains left right now, to be able to afford to rattle them thusly. Sigh, I just have to dream of the things I can’t have. At least this time for a big change, I didn’t wake up sweated to the bone.

*Groan*

Trying to kill a headache…

by

Ahh, that is feeling better. I pushed the laptop off, and set it on the deck; so I could stretch out. I went by groupings of muscle and bone, shoulder/humerous, wrist/radius/ulna, joints near the hip, twistesquer angles from the knees, and especially around the talus or w/e it is near the ankle. That area around my ankles have always been a spot, especially the right one; I often stretch and “Crack” it at night when I’m really tired. Tensing, easing, tensing, easing; stretching and flexing; rubbing and massaging. Especially down the neck, like in between the shoulder blades, and to the edges.

I tried to combine what I could remember of PMR and T’ai Chi Ch’uan breathing principals, along with a little bit of lessons learned about military exercise. Including an old something that I took to doing many years ago for back/leg pain. Used to spend something like 3-4 hour shopping days being dragged across Wallmart, and the stop/go, stop/go movement of it used to leave me feeling like being run over and dragged. I guess you can blame my mothers shopping for why I pace so much when standing idle lol: I’d rather have aching feet than get my back going. It’s a simple thing involving laying out on the bed, legs up to the wall and meshed with a stretching exercise, that has them coming forward again. As a friend just inadvertently reminded me, it resembles a pair of yoga techniques.

After a good twenty or so minutes of that kind of exercise, *a lot* of it, plus a bit of application to some facial pressure points, my headache started to subside for a bit. I rarely take anything unless my head is really throbbing away or something. With how my stomachs been taking the over-stress, I don’t think I would be helping things with that kinda dose. So I guess old fashioned methods are all I’ve got to choose from :-/.

Now if I could find a way to reroute my stress back to /dev/null, maybe I could have more days without a headache… who am I kidding? *Sigh*

by

Ever have your forehead throbbing, and try rubbing it while rotating your head about your necks axis, while trying to relax those muscles? Well, it does help like you might think, but I suggest closing your eyes for most of the loop. Using two hands doesn’t.