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It’s getting late, I’m not really all that sleepy yet but it is almost to the point that I need to sleep now, or the morning will be even more painful :-(. I had such a great nap earlier, for about an hour and a half after dinner tine. I twas awesome, dreaming of hacking code and working on a game, then a few OpenGL folk showed up to talk shop lol.

For as lon gas I’ve been working, I guess since 16 or 15; Thursday has statistically been the worst day of my work week.There’s also something about the Thursday workload, that just seems to re-enforce the feeling that I’m just an asset here, nothing more then that. *sigh*.

Wednesday I was thinking at work, about making a list of all the obstacles in my life (old topic) and then tagging them, based on the problem. Well, obviously that is a rather depression idea, even if I wouldn’t run out of disk space before finishing it 8=). Then I realised that it could be great fun to design and write a program to help me manage such a taggable database, that picked up my mood considerably lol. What can I say, I’m just hopelessly a geek of technology!

Tonight, I searched through old forum threads, and compiled the dates of my promotions in SAS, so I could compile a gauge of how much time I’ve spent in various positions. Ahh, it has indeed been an interesting journey. I like WO1 more then the last post, I’ve mostly a deskjob but since I’m no longer in the doing 3 members worth of stuff kind of business, I get time to kick back and enjoy things much more often.

Tomorrow is going to be an early morning, and a lengthly time at work, a sort of double duty plus errands afterwards. I’m so tired of this crap. At least, I ought to be off work for the 19th and the 20th, so I can catch up on projects. Current open-loops being some skinning in SWAT, continuing work on tpsh, and further shoe horning CMake into my little C++ project.

I’ve been thinking somewhat, that perhaps I do too much thinking; then again, that is an understatement to be thinking about, lol. What can I say, I’m just a thinker… it’s been a life surrounded by fairly short-sighed people, and my intellectual side is perhaps the least repressed aspect of my existence here. I pour in a lot more thought to things, then most others seem to, I can’t help it lol. Probably would make life easier if I could, maybe my brain wouldn’t find trying to sleep, to be an exercise in computation.

Right now I just need some rest, I’m looking forward to the end of work tomorrow, because that means I can take a load off and play SWAT for a little bit – then it’s time to work again lol. I’m stuck working straight on through until *next* Saturday, but at least this weekend is only light detail. Fuck, I can still remember how it feels to work like 30 days straight and be pulling multiple jobs. I really don’t want to be doing that again, for a very long time!

Quarter after oh seven zulu, best try getting to sleep. Sometimes I wish I could just knock myself out….

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Got woken up a little bit ago, bah humbug! Not only is the time for leaving for work closing in, it is also a bloated work cycle: Weds, Thurs, Fri (2ce), Sat, Sun | Tues, Weds, Thurs, Fri.

This time I was having good dreams, involving computers… lol. Much better then the last cycle of dreasm by a long shot, indeed. Now if I wasn’t woken up early, and likely to be continuously annoyed until working hours start… where I am just regularly driven crazy instead. Poor trade off, isn’t it?

I really wish I could take a long vacation from all this crap… maybe lose the return plane ticket in the process.

nights log

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So far it has been a fairly uneventful night. I’ve been contemplating taking up another language, I’m interested in both Latin and Spanish, but have started studying neither yet. Mathematically, I would have to favour Spanish… because shall we say, while exposure to Spanish is fairly easy for me, Latin is a bit of a dead language! Really the only languages of value out here, is what *passes* for English, and of course Mexican / Puerto Rican dialects of Spanish. Considering the simpler grammar, studying Spanish in the long run: might also help to improve my German, which is useless at the compositional level, but occasionally handy at the reading level. I think the entire world would agree though, that I should work on improving my English skills, or at least stop the mixture of US/UK elements.

For time passing, I setup sudo on my laptop; had done it some years back, when I was running PC-BSD, but haven’t used it since an updated overwrote my sudoers file, as I had forgotten to backup /usr/local/etc. I knew that PC-BSD was taking ownership of /etc/rc.local and making overwriting changes to sudoers, but didn’t use sudo enough to care lol. That’s one thing that has always pissed me off about PC-BSD, yet I have always respected about the *real* BSD projects: a concept of user edited files. You can play with /etc/rc.local and /etc/rc.conf on FreeBSD without getting biten, on PC-BSD you should use an rc.conf.local file: OpenBSD style. I’m always running the latest FreeBSD STABLE branch on the laptop, in this case RELENG_7, and anxious to see RELENG_8 become a practical reality. Heh, even on the OpenBSD box (which as sudo preinstalled) I don’t bother using sudo that much. What I like about sudo however, is the ability to skip ‘su – root’, and limit access in a more general way—to specific commands. It’s probably one of the best programs of its kind written, since su.

In getting playful, I split up my word lists (:help spellfile) in vim, into smaller organized chunks, and added a few more entries from FreeBSDs system dictionaries. As time goes on, I might expand things further, based on the kinds of texts I end up editing. All of my text editing is basically done in vim, so it also does most of my spell checkin’ by virtue of that. Of course, Vi IMproved has an excellent spell checker, and perhaps the only one I’ve met that could be considered superior to MS Words. While I utterly hate word processors, and find them to be useless paper weights; I generally consider Microsoft Word the best known example of spell checking lol. I’m happy to say though, that I’ve evolved somewhat in the past eleven or twelve years ;). Now if only I could do something about the having-to-type-as-fast-as-i-can-freaking-think-problem, maybe my writing might actually be worth something, someday lol.

The ‘Burbs was on TV, and coming on in a little bit is a good film that I really haven’t seen in a long time. It’s called Throw Momma from the Train, best described as a comedic remake of Strangers on a Train. I plan to log off, lay down, and try to relax for a bit…. hopefully relax. Probably will try to dig up another quick snack, something light but useful.

The internet connection has been offline for the last couple hours, first found out it was up when an instant message popped up on me mid-sentence! Hmm, got about 10 minutes until the movie starts, so it’s time tos tart winding down. I’ll probably be awake early tomorrow, assuming I get any sleep before work….. sigh.

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Just got up, I’ve been awake about 3 times, dreams have been zany but tolerable. First time I woke up was around 0800 or 0830, was concious even before my eyes fluttered open :-/. Right now, I feel a bit like falling over, so I’m sitting down.

I’m still tired.

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Just got up for a bit, feeling a trifle dizzy. Thunk about a snack but there’s not much to choose from right now. Current times 07:17Z, that means I’ve been up most of the night… but hey, I’ve only seen the Scandinavian and Italian early birds log in lol.

I’m really not thinking very clearly right now, brains had it I guess. Checked in a few odds an ends to various git repo’s, but have probably written more notes then code tonight :-(. I’m in no shape to do any coding tonight, dang gum it! I’m fricken exhausted but I’m still wide awake. Probably will put something on, set the TV’s sleep mode, and try to lay down for a bit; maybe I’ll pass out before the movie ends.

Think I’ll go stagger into the kitchen and find a quick nosh first, an empty stomach doesn’t help. Hmm, that reminds me, there was a few pommes frites leftover from dinner.. hmm, sounds like a plan!!!

Sigh, it is another sleepless night…

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There is absolutely nothing on TV, period and end of quote 8=). As such, I have an episode of Stargate SG-1 open via hulu.com – I’ve also had my first firefox crash with flash10 since its installation. One thing that I dislike about my laptops display, is I can’t keep my terminal at the usual size, then place the video along side of it; in a way that is worth while. Kind of shameful for a “Wide screen”, isn’t it?.

I’m just to tired to get anything done right now of practical value, maybe I might work on tpsh a little or pick up on something else for a bit. Either way, I’m likely to be awake for a good long while… ugh! Well, at least the dog is comfortable and sound asleep, and I’ve gotten my blanket back xD.

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I’ve spent the last few hours playing SWAT, ended it with a bit of Barricaded Suspects (VIP servers virtually empty :'(). I don’t really care much for SWAT 4s player versus player modes, since *at its best*, it basically boils down to forming a 2-3 man team: one with a big gun and the rest with 40mm baton cannon and cobras, arresting everyone in sight lol. I twas however a nice refreshing change – switch off the brain, run around, blow stuff up. Quake would have been a better choice.

Woke up around 0930Q, having dreamed something acline to the The Blackhole. I remember specifically a swirling blue-style blackhole, with balls of fire (like the asteroids in the film) flying form it, trying to escape but in the end, being sucked back into the event horrizion. Not to mention a lovely army of robots and an evil dictator, lol. The second dream, I don’t remember anything of at this point, it faded away a few minutes after I awoke – to tasks to tend to :-(.

Haven’t been in much of a good mood most of the day, this lack of sleep is driving me crackers. Still the same problems, sigh.

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Oooh, I’ve just had a little brain fart of interest.

For lack of anything more interlectually interesting to do with my sleep deprived mind, I’ve been thinking a bit about some coding I could do on tpsh; then this hit me. The shell expands ‘, “, and ` quotes using a simple table to map the symbols to appropriate transformations, why not use the same code for () and {} grouping?

Internally the look up table for quote expansions is hard coded into the principle tokenization subroutine, because that is the codes only designated purpose in the program; it didn’t need to be more general, then being easily converted to something more generic. After getting a working implementation that I could drool over, I thought about posting a modified version on a forum, as a demonstration of how to do quote handling in config files and such.

Now I’m thinking of more places I can use that little blighter with a few minor changes lol.

A few songs of recent encounter

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A fugitive from unreality
No sign of my god damned serenity
Lost in these barren lands
That have nothing I demand
Had to look for something new
And that day I found you
I found you
I found you

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

A quasar from reality
With damaged mentality
I’ll start editing your life
Replace the captain of your brain ship
Before we set sail for the fail

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

My destiny outruns me
And I can’t find that key
To lock up everything that’s bad inside of me
Don’t you disagree
That your life would be so much better
Without me, that isn’t hard to see
Hard to see

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

Living in a house of cards
Waiting for it all to fall
Hope for the best plan for the worst
That’s what my life is all about

— Jack of Diamonds, Sonic Syndicate

This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren’t enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I’ll know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my own breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I’ll spend forever with

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
‘Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
There’s somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Tonight, out on the street out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my own breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I’ll spend forever with?

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
‘Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
There’s somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

You can´t give up!
Lookin´ for that diamond in the rough
You never know but when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.

Nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Nobody wants to be the last one there
‘Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.

— Gotta Be Somebody, Nickleback

Poco a poco, se fue metiendo dentro de mis pensamientos
y sin sentirlo se fue adueñando de todos mis sentimientos.

Poco a poco se me acabó la voluntad y la fui queriendo
poco a poco, se convirtió en la compañera de mis sueños.

Sin darme cuenta se adueñó de mi alma y de mi corazón
y me subió hasta lo más alto de este mundo
No he vuelto a ser el mismo de antes desde que llegó su amor
hoy soy feliz, soy feliz.

Por ella, sólo por ella que en un instante alejó a mi soledad
se fue mi nube gris y apareció mi estrella
sólo por ella, por ella.

Por ella, sólo por ella que me cambió la vida
desde que conmigo está
me veo en sus ojos y no tengo más respuesta
que si hoy soy feliz
sólo es por ella.

— Por ella (Poco a Poco) {for her (little by little)}, Intocable

Getadelt wird wer Schmerzen kennt
vom Feuer das die Haut verbrennt
Ich werf ein Licht
in mein Gesicht
Ein heisser Schrei
Feuer frei!

Bang bang

Geadelt ist wer Schmerzen kennt
vom Feuer das in Lust verbrennt
ein Funkenstoss
in ihren Schoss
ein heisser Schrei
Feuer frei!

Bang bang
Feuer frei!

Gefahrlich ist wer Schmerzen kennt
vom Feuer das den Geist verbrennt
bang bang
gefahrlich das gebrannte Kind
mit Feuer das vom Leben trennt
ein heisser Schrei
bang bang
Feuer frei!

Dein Gluck
ist nicht mein Gluck
ist mein Ungluck

Bang bang
Feuer frei!

–Feuer frei (fire at will), Rammstein