sad news

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Some sad news this morning 🙁

We just heard from one of our old clients that one of her dogs passed away. He was a lovable little duffel-bag of a Chihuahua, if he knew you he loved otherwise run for cover!!!

I remember the first day that we worked over there, he barked for three hours and then slept through the rest of the time we were there lol. After having worked over a year there… Before we left, Ma would give the little guy a kiss on the cheek and he always wanted us to pet him when we worked down stairs. And this is a dog, that once took a bite out of an A/C Repair Mans trousers and kept hanging on till he left!!!

R.I.P. Booger, it was a joy.

Thoughts as Night Falls

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I am starving… Even on a full stomach, it is as if I have eaten nothing.
There is no place for me here, the thought repeats in my mind continuously.
This place is so far from everything I seek…

I am mocked for doing nothing, yet I did nothing because to do anything
would have betrayed me into their hands, a mere target under those guns.

So I fortify these castle walls with Titanium and Cortosis.
Hiding myself deep within, appearing emotionless to the storms that rage outside.
Because I can’t afford to show the effects from the stabs ‘n jabs at my core…
So I build the walls stronger, so that nothing may show through them.
Less the beasts sense a sign of weakness and strike deeper.

Forced to look as if carved from stone, despite the churning underneath…
I’m made of flesh and bone not of iron and concrete.
My heart dies, bit by bit, day by day but surely it wastes away in this place.

Why must I hide myself from those who I love?
Because of creatures that strike so hard, in search of blood…
And upon that sign, would redouble their efforts tenfold,
If I appear phased in the slightest by their efforts.

This is not who I am… But it is apart of survival, in this hellish place.
I yearn to be safe, where my soul has no tolls set upon its freedom.
There is no place for me here, it burns my mind into cinders.
The road behind me is ever so clearer then the path before my feet.
I know the soul can endure long after the heart has since stopped to function.

As my mind drifts to another frame of thought… Another time, another creature.
My memories are both strong and vivid, like an image
irreparably seared into the minds eye.
I cannot forget, the things I once felt.

That specter of the past, that light that shined before the darkness fell again.
Illusion or reality, love or hate, water or fire, it was something strong.
I recall those times with a bitter-sweet taste, because for a brief moment,
Where perhaps I was the most alive, even if only for a few moments.

Before the storms came, and the end came, my heart going with it.
Nothing was left, nothing survived those rending waves…
Washed up along the shores: to begin again.

I wonder, will I ever find the things I seek?
Will I ever be free of this place, and the chains that it forges before me…
To bind me forever in the path of its gnashing teeth.
Far from my passionate goals, from my very self..

And what of the future to be?
I’m ever so damn far from reaching that peaceful place I need to reach.
Man was not made for this form of existence, this empty place.
To sit in darkness, forced from the light.
Like a caged animal, rent before the wolfs.

Let the past be past, ends to be ended.
My soul must become free of this madness, my heart cured of it’s poisons.
Those memories of what once was, left behind and forgotten.
Because this place, and those recollections combined are much to strong to bear.

What will there be left of me when I am free?

Tonight, I think if I was to be placed in th’ight situation,
I think I’d say fuck it and hit the vodka.
And not look upward again for a fortnight…

But as always… I am ever the sober one, sober as a codfish in water.

Mon May 12 04:43:53 UTC 2008

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One comforting thought, the Defense Language Institute classifies German as a Category II language for how hard it is for an English speaker to learn. The common Spanish and French fitting into Category I, Russian, Greek, and Hewbrew into Category III, and the mind boggling Chinese and Japanese into the topper, are Category IV languages.

That makes me feel a bit better… lol.

I’ve heard that a lot of people never reach native fluency in a language, I doubt I’ll ever do so either but I would settle for knowing as much as an elementary school student. I’m generally able to read German well enough as long as I’ve got access to a dictionary but not so good at composition.

I’d like to fit some time for study into each day, even if it’s not a great amount of time.. It’s better then nothing. I’ve been looking at adding reading to my daily routine, don’t know how well it will go. I figure, the more I read the more chance I should hopefully have of getting a ‘feel’ for it.

When I was learning to read English, I rmemeber I had to write out every word I couldn’t read, 3 times plus a sentence out of it. Needless to say, I didn’t like that part of school ^_^. It’s a good idea though but I’m not about to try likewise in German, while I arguably care more about getting spelling and grammar right in German then in English. If I did some thing like that, my hand writing would get even *worse*.

As it stands, writing English by hand (the conventional pen/pencil on paper method) is an atrocious combination of printing letters and cursive letters. Plus because not only am I accustomed to writing as fast as I can think, which results in many ‘lazy pauses’ as my mind backtracks to where my hand left off. My way of writing tends to reflect my minds way of thinking, speaking habbits, and preferences on ‘style’ much more so then the formal ‘laws of English’ allow — I’m a person, not a cyborgnetic English Teacher ^_^

I could just imagine… 20 or 30 laters, writing in Gerglish? (What ever you want to call a mixture of German and English words, writing, and pronunciations) To top it all off, haha that would put the final nail in my hand writings coffin.

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My chuckle of the day

Malone: Why are you carrying the gun?

Ness: I’m a treasury officer.

Malone: Oh, okay. Just keep in mind what we talked about, huh?

[Malone walks away]
Ness: Hey, wait a minute! What the hell kind of police work do they teach in this city, huh? You just turned your back on an armed man.

Malone: You’re a treasury officer.

Ness: How do you know that? I just told you that.

Malone: Who would claim to be that who was not? Hmm?

He’s got a point ^_^

When they were first introducing Ness in the beginning, I was like “Treasury deparment!? Where tha”. So I find this scene even more appropriate then some people would xD

sehr müde

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I don’t know if there is a word for some where between about to pass out and being unable to sleep, but if there is it fits me like a glove :

Being a jerk

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So, I was sitting here working on a class file — defining an interface that’s got over a 100 methods to write. And Ma was complaining that I hadn’t set my clock after this mornings power outage (about 7 hours previously). So, to shut her up I set the clock and carried on coding.

But since the only time source I’ve got handy is my laptop and the cable box is on the other side of a cloths rack. I used the laptop, which just so happens to be set to Universal Time Coordinated (UTC/Zulu time). That is what I set the clock for, and a few minutes ago she comes in to ask some thing and I tell her to look at the clock. Now she wants to rip the clock off the wall because I refused to set it to local time xD.

It’s my damn clock, if I’ve got to be forced to set the bloody thing, who says I can’t put it on STANDARD TIME !?

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How brilliant is Raven Shield ?

aDSL connection fails, first I notice it is when my messages stop showing.

XFire splits a message that I’ve been disconnected from the system

30 seconds go by before the ‘connection failed’ message in Raven Shield.

And the entire time, the network stats in game are showing all outbound traffic and no more inbound traffick.

BUT — through the entire bloody thing, the ‘packet loss’ is 0, that is so darn funny it is sickening ^_^

R&R, Day Two…

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Been playing still more halo to kill time, I still think it feels to much like a console game in the controls and the vehicle steering system really portrays it imho… But gets the job done, at least it’s some thing to do :

Almost managed to get a round of SWAT4 in but supper was ready to soon :-(.

At least, if nothing else for the day… I’ve gotten a few pages more done of the book and a a slight issue resolves on the website . So the days not a total wash out, I guess.

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Hmm, I’m rather getting interested in giving some thign ‘odd’ a go.

Installing FreeBSD 7 on the test machine, then converting it into a fully functional PC-BSD system.

It’s doable, just takes time and effort, and well, I like to tinker with programs from time to time ^_^.

Yes, I’m that bored trying to pass time between /actually/ being able to work lol.

I need a vacation…

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Getting closer to the flood, I remember when I first got Halo one of my friends was asking me if I had gotten that far yet, and I was like “The Flood, what the hecks that?”. He didn’t want to spoil ot for me so when I finally got to it, I was shouting “MORE AMMO!”. Best part of the game hehe.

Despite best efforts, my family has still mustered enough to give me a good sized headache… So switching from *actually* trying to learn some thing, to killing time, now I’m hopping to make some progress for the day…. It’s like when ever I dare some try and get any thing done. They either find a way to circumvent it, or cause actions to bring others into deraiing it.

!@#$%^ %!(%*Y^!(%^!’s must have radar.

I start, they start; I stop they stop — intentionally or coincidentally this is getting on my frigging nerves.