Jokes

Google just made my day

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Was trying to look up a word I had stumbled across too far ago to remember, so I typed the definition into Google in the hopes of finding a clue to it. I didn’t expect my chuckle of the day!

How Google shapes history

I seriously hope that is some Google Engineer’s idea of a joke about sex shaping history…..lol

This is from a real screen shot, not a photoshop!

The recession has hit everybody really hard…

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I think the Pakistan bit at the end is in poor taste but especially loved the one above it.

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their
children’s names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico ..

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.

Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally….

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Source—Stocky Stan @ 94.9 The Bull; Read more: http://www.949thebull.com/pages/stockystan.html#ixzz1LVy1Y88G

Epic Toast Incident

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Kristen Gates’ pick for this mornings You Choose The News has to be the best report since sliced bread:

TWITTER HEADQUARTERS EVACUATED OVER BURNED TOAST

Twitter’s main office in San Francisco had to be evacuated when an employee’s burned toast set off the fire alarm. As expected, some employees talked about the toast incident on Twitter. One employee wrote, “Quick math: 30 min fire alarm, 400 employees ~ $2500 for burnt toast. ooops,” while another lamented, “Nothing like a Friday building evacuation in the rain. Damn toast.”

Wow, you really can spend $2500 on one piece of toast!

How to tell if your phone is female, or if Linux is smarter than Windows XP

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O.K. so my phone has been giving me a message every time I plug it in, asking whether I want to turn on USB mass storage for mounting or charge her off the USB. So today I plugged it into my desktop, and I’m scratching my head trying to figure out where I turn it on because it just starts charging.

You know that your phone is female, if you plug her in and she starts to CHARGE instead of asking you to MOUNT her >_>.

Conversely you know that Linux must be smarter than XP, when the phone does ask about mounting if plugged into a Linux laptop instead of a Windows XP machine <_<.

Yeah, lol.

Stupid Warning Sign for Programmer

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Important! The term “protected” does not imply any security checking or caller validation. Protected members can be accessed simply by defining a derived class of the declaring type.

I do think that is the Object Oriented Programming version of a stupid warning sign . That quote above about protected members comes from Microsoft’s design guideline for developing .NET class libraries. Which obviously means common language object oriented principals apply…. you would hope.

That has also got to be the stupidest cautionary message that I have ever seen in a document intended for programmers. What next, writing “May irritate eyes” on a can of pepper spray!?