Uncategorized

I find rest comes difficult tonight….I’m tired so I don’t want to be up all night working on stuff but yet, I can’t see to relax =/.

*sighs*

Well, when I left Recruits Jarle and Ambu I had planned to lay down… I guess you could say that I’m not the kind to rest and relax when there’s stuff to be done =/.

I only really know two modes of operation, lazy quick & dirty and as good as it’ll come workaholic.

Manged to get Dixie (my laptop) cleaned up a bit, nice to be able to see my LCD TFT again. Tried to get things much neater but I really need to dismantle her and pull out the keyboard. So I can clean up all the grit and doghair underneath it. That is a little more involved then I’ve had mind for right now… best do that when I’m not so tired.

Done some good in re-organzing my shelving — yes I got bored trying to relax =/.

Hahhaa, it figures I get up for 50 seconds or so. And Willows practically sitting on my laptop with a dog toy….. Bollocks.

I’ve been unpacking the 3 boxes of old school books my brother left me (moving away).

The Math, English, Planning your carrier, Social Civics, and Psychology are basically the same as the ones I’ve been doing — it is the same schooling system. The US History and Biology are different, very different. The huge plus is his Biology book is like a 3rd as thick as mine… The one I’ve worked in I’ve also learned a lot more by looking stuff up in the encyclopedia then reading the text book — the joys of school !

Several books on Spanish, not a language I plan on learning but always useful (particularly the good EN-ES dictionaries). The only languages I consider learning are Italion, German, and Japanese. My mom wouldn’t understand a lick of the Italion unless I learned the dialect from where are ancestors come from — and I would want to learn the standard. Japanese would be to much work, so I think trying to learn German was a good idea of the 3 lol. As it figures the school only offers Spanish and french (basic) — lots of luck.

The real gold is the Algebra and Geometry books, I have yet to get mine…. It’s stuff that interests me but that I’ve never had time to devote to learning any of over the years.

Since I’ve sort of inherited this stuff, I guess I should decide what use I an put it to in my studies. The math, I proably should make use of. I’d rather write a computer program to do it for me then sit there and waste my time (I’m not a calculator in school kind of person). And the sad thing is I’d learn more writing a program to do my home work for me then doing the home work….. The funny thing is? He copied a friends answers for most of it hahaha. For the English, well my grades in English have been worst, like a B average and most of the handful of C’s I’ve ever gotten.

This stuff could help me get my own school work done.. And it is important that I get volume done now, rather then correct any way. The only thing is I don’t really like the idea of using old test results to write mine =/, but then again i don’t really have any interest in writing any of the tests out for my school… just a case of having to. Which sucks b/c all it has been doing is wasting my time and that is not good.

I’ve learned more educating myself on different topics then I have learned from schooling and get no credit for the things I’ve learned out side of it. *sighs*

When I graduate… I think I would piss on the diploma if it wasn’t so much trouble to get =/

A set of strange dreams…

At first, I was a bounty hunter competing with an old flame (and apparently a bounty huntress) over the current query (female)…. Trying to avoid being killed by, involved with, or injured by either of them while still scoring the bounty. Rather interesting dream now that I think of it lol.

And the second, ordered by an ex member of the Beetles to track down and actor to be his Executive Producer for a film, or “kill him” if he said no. It was like being one of Fat Tony’s goons on the Simpson’s lol.

It’s normal for me to have crazy dreams, if I dream at all. I don’t put much stock in any of my dreams. Because they tend to get very weired after awhile.

It seems I’ll have no days off this week, got dog runs from now til Thursday. Lucky for me, the Live Op I have planned should still be able to go according to schedule, good thing I planned on an early launch time for it. I don’t think I’ve *really* had a day off in 3 or 4 weeks now. It would be nice just to have a few days where I don’t have to do any thing for ‘having to get it done’.

Hmm, maybe some day I’ll get lucky and win the lotto… Thus being able to afford a nice 6-week, all expenses paid vacation to Hawaii to re-cooperate from being over worked.

I find my self longing, yet having already lost. Stumbled, defeated, beaten. Yet I stand again with determination.

Will I fall again? I wonder and think of vile pains.

What use is one without the other?

Once a time of happiness, turned to a time of sorrow….

Where not even pain resides any more.

Confusion and uncertainty astound me.

I pray for my own sake… To change and want to change, to repent in honesty.

If temptation is removed, how can it truly be an end to it?

Emotion can brew, feelings arouse. Loneliness can be blinding, yet how to endure endless sorrow?

Not by following instinct, not by going in ether direction… Shall I sink like a rock in water?

I know not what to do… My course lays a head of me, but alas I only can see an arms reach ahead of the path.

Others are more fortunite, many have the freedom. Still more have the chance of hopes joyful deliverance.

The pain is gone, in it’s place it leaves some thing worse. With it comes the stench of anguish .

Hope is truly a two edged sword, to lead one through perseverance or into drowning in the mud.

Is realization better then pain? Yes in a way… One can stop hurting and see things for what they really are… Sick in the head and collapsed from torment.

I must correct my self, yet find my self flying to distraction quickly and with ease… When I should be most resolute.

A fight in which I stand, as if alone but yet not really alone..

There is one who stands with me, even if I do not fully understand..

One who feels the blisters of my indiscretions. The face, I can’t bare to see… For what pain I must have caused.

Forgiveness is one of the universes greatest inventions but one must really straighten the course before ye can find it.

The road that I must take,is one I now know I must. But I do not know if I can keep my self on the path I must follow.

It is so easy, to be so sure of my self now. But when the time comes, will I crumble or be crushed under the weight of my own feelings?

Only time with tell, and I pray for the redemption of my soul.

The in purities must be burnt away, even if I must ripe them away with my bare hands. It is better to use an eye, then to be ruined. To lose an arm rather then to be destroyed forever.

I’ve got to put my own foot on the path, it is not one that I may be led in. But one that I must walk in order to find my way back. No one can place me on it, I must come to it if I am to follow it. Not of duty or requirement, but of free will.. To choose it. I can not have it chosen for me, I need to be the one who starts, not the one to cooperate.

— The tormented mumblings of a mad man.

I can barly wait till Saturday…..

When I’ll finally be able not to worry about work =/

If I get lucky….

*SIGH*, it’s a living.

A little reorganization of my most used directory (/home/Terry/Programming/)…

Terry@Dixie$ ls ~/code                                                     7:24
Ada/              D/                PHP/              Shell/
Assembly/         EmacsLisp/        Perl/             Vimscript/
C/                HTML/             Python/           license/
C++/              Java/             Ruby/             view_man_page.sh
CSS/              Javascript/       Scheme/
Terry@Dixie$ ls ~/code/C/                                                  7:25
doc/       include/   lib/       makefiles/ man/       src/       templates/
Terry@Dixie$ ls ~/code/C/doc                                               7:25
Beej's_Guide_to_Network_Programming_Using_Internet_Sockets.html
Beejs_Guide_to_C_Programming.html
C99_Standard.pdf
NCURSES/
c-refcard-fullpage.pdf
compiler-flags
downey05semaphores.pdf
gdb-refcard-fullpage.pdf
gdb.ps
gtk-tutorial.20021027/
how_to_make_a_lib/
hulubei95thix.pdf
indent.pro
lions_book.lastpage
lions_book.pdf
lions_book_src_listings.pdf
Terry@Dixie$ ls ~/code/Ruby                                                7:25
QT/        lib/       man/       src/
doc/       makefiles/ modules/   templates/
Terry@Dixie$ ls ~/code/Ruby/src                                            7:26
Count_Down.rb*   filescan.rb*     myfile.rb*       quickref.rb*
Platform.rb*     foo.m3u          mymethod.rb*     rbeautify.rb*
RubyShell.rb*    grep.rb*         nav/             readwrite.rb*
arg_parser.rb*   hashes.rb*       optparse.rb*     ri20min.rb*
bitmask.rb*      hashglob.rb*     phase2.rb*       rubynumbers.rb*
blgrep.rb*       hello.rb*        phase3.rb*       rubystrings.rb*
dog.rb*          lj.rb*           phase4.rb*       stringusage.rb*
edit_file.rb*    md5toy.rb        playlist.rb*     swat.rb*
exit.rb*         methods.rb*      popmailcheck.rb
Terry@Dixie$                                                               7:26

Bare in mind that I have the ls (list) command aliased to include the -FGH switches on FreeBSD (basically use colours and append a symbol to the end of each file, e.g. dir/ and exe* instead of dir and exe).

~/code is basically made up of a directory per language with room for a little growth. The only languages I actively use are C, Ruby, and BourneShell. But I’m familiar with most in the directory and have made room for some of my ‘to learn’ list. Each directory essentially consists of a simple pattern.

doc/

Documentation, as seen in ~/code/C/doc/ I have a few old tutorials saved, references, an indent(1) profile in case I need it, and a copy of the Lions Book and Code listings amon the PDF’s.

include/modules/whatever

A place to put common bits of code

lib

A spot for ready to use code in library form

makefiles

Ready made makefile templates for feeding through the make program and similar tools

man

Where to stuff manual pages for now

src

The source directory contains source code files, in ~/code/C/src/ resides a copy in HTML and Source form of the UNIX Version 6 Kernels Source Code for reference and reading pleasure. In ~/code/Ruby/src/ it shows that I’ve made directories in the src folders for various libraries and toolkits where necessary. If it’s not some thing I wrote when I started learning the language or a quickie I usually use a directory per program.

templates

A spot to put them when I feel like writing them, I find it most useful for HTML/XHTML

The content various by language but it’s the style I’ve tried to arrange.

The rest of my home directory is also nicely organised for the most part.

Terry@Dixie$ ls ~/|grep '/' | sed 's////g'                                7:45
Desktop
Documents
Music
Pictures
Videos
code
logs
sh
Terry@Dixie$ ls ~/Documents                                                7:45
Computers/             Personal/              Work/
Games/                 School/                [SAS]/
Lyrics of Dixie.txt    Shakespeare/           misc_dot_files.tar.gz
Terry@Dixie$                                                               7:46

I’m glad to have a copy of R^5RS (PDF & PS) on hand so I can work on learning Scheme if I get some vacation time next week.

Well, I’ve developed a new profanity of sorts (for me).

Dang fucking gum it !

Haha, I like that balance for some reason =/

Dang gum it — Dad’s style

Fuck — My Moms favorite word lol.

I generally try not to curse…. And almost never when in [SAS] Tags. But when I’m tired it works well when I’m ’round the rest of the world and in private.

Needless to say, I’m prone to muttering “For !@#$s sake” at work often enough. I think I like the sound of Dang !@#%ing Gum It! Better +S.

Ok, so I’m weird =/

I spent almost 16-17 years without cursing actually. I don’t care much for profanity but, I’ve been like the only one in my family that doesn’t curse for mmaaaaaannnnyyyyy years lol.

Play with xemacs

Check out Desktopoperations.txt

Install some MS Windows tools

Reorganize home directory (fun!)

find time to test some synchronization software

work on finding a new standard web browser (firefox 3.0a != fast enough on laptop)

clean up Desktop…. I hate icons !!!

test setting up a mic on desk

copy my ippimail address book to my sasclan[dot]org one

continue ‘special’ operation planing….

finish R^5RS and get a PDF/PS copy of it

Get a PDFPS copy of UNIX V6 source code

Get my ass in TG#1 before I go crazy !!!!

E-Mail Noer about that Report Form idea and talk about it before taking it up with GCHQ.

The rest of my TODO list, well can wait.. til I remember it.

There is a project that has been weighing on my mind a lot for a while now. I think soon the time may be right to launch it.

The problem is, I need a 2nd who I can trust to carry it on to fruition, even without me if necessary. Yet who is active and able to contribute to the project well as part of a team.

For what I have in mind, I had always figured me and Rasa would split the job. So his retirement right now is a bit of a misfortune.

Rasa I would say is my equal in experience, maybe greater (he was Rct before me). While we have never really agreed over every little detail. I’d like to think we have often balanced each other out when it comes to Tactics and business in the [SAS]. My time as an SNCO and working on the SOP Rewrites and what not. Has shown that. I think the SOP Rewrites have benefited greatly by our working together.

Theres no saying that the project will ever be approved…. But I will begin work on its early documentation.

The issue of who to second me (i.e. be in charge of the project when I’m not around and serve as a fellow EL). What I have in mind requires a dedicated, active, and senior tactical member… Those who could do it in my place don’t have time for it. I don’t really need another thing on my plate… But I don’t know any one else I could trust to take the lead on it.

My best candidates for a 2IC of the project are all less then optimal, even I am not an optimal choice lol.. But it’s the situation I have to work in if I am to prepare for this possible project.

I’ll ready the files and worry about the rest later.

What will happen, if the tip of the spear get sharper? 🙂

Notes for later…

Problem 0:

Parse input into a suitable data structure for processing; probably split each number into a list of each digit. As I see it, it would eventually end up using (a) multi-dimensional array(s)

Problem 1:

Model necessary numeric limits and processes, namely once a digit > 9 ‘carry’ it.

Problem 2:

Maintain accuracy and precision