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Oh that felt so damn good, it should be a crime. I got to the point, you take a rest or else. So I powered down, laid down to watch some of the Simpsons before dinner; but no luck on a nap. After dinner, I think I managed to get nearly an hours sleep; but as usual no one will let me fscking sleep!!! So after drifting/waddling through the misc crap that had to get done, I put on the Simpsons where I left off, and crashed. I think I managed to get through the rest of the episode (~20min) before dropping off to a sound sleep.

A freaking bomb could’ve gone off, and I wouldn’t have noticed lol. Dreamt of maybe, woken up not a flubbin’ chance man.

That was maybe 2 hours ago, short… but very greatly appreicated lol. Now I’ll probably be up to six o’clock in the morning, working on some projects until I pass the frick out again :

Braintrace:
 mcp->proc:           function call returned EXCEPTNOTCAUGHT
 vigrep{data}:        focus allocation error; unable to focus!
 0xDEEDBEEF:          unaligned neural access; errno = EIAMNOTAMACHINE
 unhandled exception: ExhaustionError!!!
 
Emergency power down:   dispatching the interrupt to address 0xFEE1BAD
 0xFEE1BAD:           eval{ crash->to_bed->sleep or exec{0xFEE1DEAD} }

I /almost/ got to get some sleep…. but my brother called and spoiled my chances for a nap :-(. If he still has problems with setting up his router Friday, call #3 8=).

sigh

my family so often reminds me, that I’m virtually the only one of my kind out here…

Hmm, I never knew Albert Einstein had a sense of humour before.

(00:54:33) xspidey01x: Hmm, should I dare even play a round at any of their tests for the sake of curiosity? lol

What do your responses tell us?

Although your scores were generally quite good, you scored well outside the normal range in at least one category. This suggests that you should probably consult with a mental health professional for further testing or treatment. There is most certainly a professional out there who can help improve the symptoms you are experiencing.

The following are the areas of concern detected by the screening:

* Your responses indicated that your relationships are at least in some way dysfunctional, and may be causing problems in your life.

The test also detected symptoms of one or more disorders that did not meet all the criteria, but that may still merit treatment.

The following are the areas of concern detected by the screening:

* You have experienced symptoms of a major depressive episode, but not enough to qualify as a full-blown episode, or as major depressive disorder.
* Although you meet the criteria for the frequency of symptoms, your symptoms do not appear to be severe enough to meet the criteria for Major Depressive Disorder.
* You have experienced symptoms of a manic episode.
* You experience some symptoms of Simple Phobia.
* You appear to have some obsessive thoughts.
* You display some symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but you do not appear to meet the full criteria for the disorder.
* You appear to suffer from some symptoms of Borderline Personality disorder.

Nothing I didn’t already know <_<

Almost no sleep, and more then a bit of annoyance to start off the day… Gotta love family, eh? SO nice to only be considered, when it is /as good as/ a ploy for getting cooperation with their own endeavours (shove off!). Managed to have a good lunch, better then most meals of late; I haven’t been eating that much. Really, about all I’ve been eating much of is a Special K cereal with berries; I gave up most junk foods last year, lol.

Managed to get several rounds on SWAT 4 today, good to see that I am still limber ;). From recent ops, I think it is about time I release my personal skin; the no armour version is technically a bug, but I actually like how it came out hehe. Also found out about a few tanks I never heard of before: the Panzer VIII “Maus”, Landkreuzer P. 1000 Ratte, and Landkreuzer P. 1500 Monster. Looking over the docs, ffs – like a navy destroyer with tank threads kind of big! I wonder if even modern day technology, could get a beast the size of the Ratte moving across a battle field for more then 10 minutes and a few metre lol. I’ve also heard that a newer MS Gundam series is running on Sci-Fi, note to self – check further.

Really, it’s been a very boring and uneventful day. I’ve also gotten absolutly nothing done…….. *sigh*

Hmm, it has most certainly been a long day. My mind has been focused on issues, both of a very pleasent and unpleasent nature most of the night, not even coding has provided much distraction from the rest of my life. Hmm, at this point, I think I am sick of my own thoughts. It’s only 0830Z (0330R (local)), but I may as well hit the hay. There is nothing that I can get done, that I actually feel like doing, or am capable of doing at this point. I wonder, what was the last time I actually had some peace in my life? Has it really been that long? Probably has, my friends would know it better then I would.. (f*** it) it really has been a long time. I’m not sure if I honestly remember what the word means anymore, I so rarely get any with the way things are these days lol. It’s 16 degrees out, but I think I would rather march in the cool air, then sit idle tonight. I never seem to sleep that well anymore, for at least a ~decade I guess. but I know, sleep soon, or there will be sunlight through the blinds before I doze off. Already been there once, not really in any mood to repeat that incident.

Oh, how I wish I could get out of here…. even if for just a little while.

Finally, I’m off work until Tuesday – and will probably be mad as a hatter before night fall :. This morning, I was some what disappointed, it was only around 15 F (around -9.5 C) by the time I woke up; people were told to expect much, much colder xD. Never the less, I still equipped for with an extra layer just in case. Usually, I’m out with nothing on but a T-Shirt or a moderate-level of jacket until I can see my breath, then I consider a 3rd layer (I consider my T-Shirt *as* one layer, lol). Took an old light-duty jacket out of the closet, that was getting a little to short in the draft for regular use; but it had a great lining for such a thin jacket lol. Also conveniently one that tends to keep the air tucked in close to the body, in this case warm air from the house. Put my usual light/medium jacket over that for a hood, it has a mesh like lining on the inside, for whatever it’s value; usually I wear it as a rain coat, not for cold weather purposes haha. Then donned the fleece for a final layer; the heaviest form of dress that I will actually wear, lol. I figured with the wind, I should wrap my face in the scarf, then put up the hood and secure it all with my boonie style hat (usually, I only bring it out on rainy days lol), but couldn’t find the dang scarf; which is what I really wanted :-(. All in all, I could’ve done with just my regular jacket and that scarf though, when I set foot outside I couldn’t feel a damn thing – except for my bare face and knee caps.

Before I left work, I put on one jacket for the trip home; and put the rest in the pack, since I always shred my layers upon arrival lol. By the time I got to the car, I was already hot and took it off. It was only 27 F (around -2.45 C), so it wasn’t cold out in the least! I grew up in South Florida, where anything under 90 F (around +32 C) is considered a cool day by local standards… After moving to Georgia, if it is above freezing, I don’t even notice the temperature without a wind chill >_>.

I prefer colder weather, and usually enjoy being out in the rain; maybe I am just a strange person. Although I miss Florida a lot, I really, really, really!!!! do not miss the heat that much. I’m just naturally warm to start with :

I was some what hoping to get to the Library today, but unfortunately not in the cards. I’m rather interested to see what they might have, if anything interesting; on various mathematics topics. Generally, I laugh my ass off whenever I pass their computer section (Foo for dummies and learn XYZ app/OS is about as good as they get), but I do remember they *used* to have some good books on Aeronautics once upon a time, so maybe I’ll get lucky. I still remember my surprise when they upgraded all their computers, I was surprised their budget ever heard of something faster then an Intel 80486 or Pentium Pro o.00.o. They only completed the switch from card catalogue to a computerized system in the mid 2000s, so I guess that is a good sign… Haha, I never thought I’d say it, but I actually miss the old card catalogue. The computer based catalogue, utterly sucks for trying to find anything; it makes Microsoft’s search engine look sexy. One nice thing about the card catalogue, it went quite nice with how the library organizes the books on the shelves; so usually I have to settle for using the computer to find what shelf I should check, then visually grep (vigrep anyone? hehe) the asiles for subject matter. I tried checking their website, but it’s been down for weeks; can’t find anything from Googles cache, so it doesn’t look like the computerized card catalogue is available online. The place that is hosting the new central library that opened recently however, seems to have a database of all libraries in the county, so maybe I can scope things out.

An interesting thought also occurred to me, but nah… fate is so rarely on my side lol.

On another note, I really should look up the organization system used by libraries here, and see if I can leverage that further to my advantage (hey, it’s been years since I used the old-style card catalogue ^_^). A quick Google turns up a few ideas for what I should search for next; combined with my memory, should be fairly easy for me to look up the system in use; if it is one of those anyway… EDIT: looking at the online offerings for the county, I am oddly reminded of an issue of xkcd, and their website is *so* old-style IE it hurts almost as bad as their catalogue hehe.

I can’t wait for the weekend….

I had a shocking thought, stick a nice cigar in my mouth and give me a week in the brush, and I’m starting to look a little to much like Big Boss for my tastes :. I really need to get cleaned up this weekend, and get a close shave…. Really, I’d like to get out of this rats nest for awhile, and have some fun, but I am supposed to be using this time for a little Rest and Relaxation; guess taking a Buddy Love inspired holiday wouldn’t be very restful any way >_<

If it wasn’t for trying to learn something about differential equations (curse smart people for piquing my interest!) and reading a little bit of lisp, this might be a boring, lol.

Now if I could just do something about getting some sleep at night…….