NTF: Bad Omens Prove Right?

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Earlier this morning, I logged into the NTF forum and made a reply to this thread. Wishing to be cordial, and great the person fairly, I said something like this:

Nice to meat you, hope to catch you on [SAS] Proving Grounds, and the NTF servers later icon_wink.gif.

I think he means this Rouge: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postdoctoral_research but I’m not familiar with such.

Being an ex [SAS] member and someone who still plays regularly there, I felt it most respectful of both clans to reference each of their servers equally. Those are the servers where I tend to play (and thus likely to meet anyone), and as I am not in-line for NTF recruitment, so I feel demonstrating that fact by referencing both clans servers, is all the more justified for a man in my position: as opposed to saying nothing at all about wanting to game with the chap! I do however admit that I could have placed the NTF server first, but I feel that the one at the end of the sentence gains the greater impact, and thus should belong to NTF in their own forum.

After waking up from a short nap, I again checked the forum: and noticed I had received a PM. Upon opening it, I was informed by NTF_CPT_Medic that although his clan does not like censorship, he removed my “Promoting” of the SAS PGs. Maybe it’s ‘promoting’ if the other clan has been ten servers to your three?.

For the more astute reader, I will also point out that my routine is to check both public clans forums, and that my SAS account is experiencing technical difficulties, hence my silence on sasclan.org. I try to treat them equally in that regard, so any silence on that forum should not be taken as a reflection my regards for [SAS].

In essence, Medics edit was converting my sentence to a sole reference to NTF. Which I specifically choice not to do for the aforementioned reasons. My personal code of conduct, dictates that I show a certain measure of due respect towards NTF, even more so as a guest when posting in their forums, and much more so that several of my friends now call the place ‘home’. Like wise my personal code of conduct, dictates that I be respectful toward the [SAS], who I have called home for nearly a quarter of my life longer than NTF has existed. People who have known me well for the past 4-6 years, will not be surprised that I feel such a way.

Maybe it is the American in me, coming from a land where we believe that freedom of speech is worth fighting for, or perhaps the old fashioned blood in my veins that says be tactful of both and any clans when posting in such a situation, but I found this moderation to be silly. It would be like allowing a guest to come into your home, and forbade him from acknowledging that any other home exists. Of course, unless this only applies to servers owned by [SAS], which I sincerely doubt, knowing NTFs founders for as long as I have.

This is the assertion that makes me find fault in this behaviour:

If I wanted to create my own clan, and call it the 7th Sabre for example, and walk into the NTF or [SAS] servers as 7S_Spidey01 or something like that, it should be my right to do so unless published server rules prevent the clan tags (or I am banned). The way my forum post on NTF was moderated by NTF_CPT_Medic, would mean that on my way out of their server, saying:

“7S_Spidey01: ggs y’all I’m going to 7th Sabres server, hf”

would constitute the same the same level of ‘promotion’ as my original forum post did, in fact, it would be doubly so, unless NTF instituted a server rule forcing all members of all other clans to remove their tags upon joining the NTF servers. I.e. the 7S_ in my name on it’s very own would be greater advertisement of another clans servers than my forum post was.

In my book, you cannot dis-allow someone saying “Nice to meat you, hope to catch you on XXX clans server, and the NTF servers later ;).” in the forums, and not disallow saying “AnyPlayer: ggs y’all I’m going to XXX clans server, hf” and every similar choice of words, form ever being uttered in your game server. Disallowing one without the other, and not publishing separate rules for each (forum and server) that state those separate rules, in my opinion would be promoting a form of hypocrisy. The difference between those statements would be further distanced, making the second a greater “Promotion” if said by a 7S_Spidey01 rather than AnyPlayer. In which case moderating the forum post and not banning such a statement as I’ve used as an exampled above, would be a demonstration of seriously flawed logic. Like wise to ban those, would obviously imply that just saying what “7S” means would be promoting another clan. Bullshit?

Perhaps being a young clan makes the NATO Task Force more aware of such things, or fearful of unwanted competition, but in my honest opinion, is just down right fool hearty. I know that the documents and chats leading up to NTFs creation suggested that it could trivially become like a military dictatorship with strong safe guards against abuse, but I did not expect it to so quickly demonstrate more draconian views then the SAS 22nd Elite Virtual Regiment! Something that makes me chuckle even more, is that Sniper had a regular tendency to shoot himself in the foot with how his moderator actions appear.

I take no offense at what was done to my post, and I have made no public question of the moderators action in the forum (behind the fact that my signature links to this blogs main page: as do most of my forum signatures on the internet), so I do not expect any oppression over it by their administrators. I’ve never felt entirely welcomed on NTFs servers/forums, so it wouldn’t bother me if I end up on someones private shit list. Anyone worthy of my respect will take this post as impersonal as I have taken being moderated. It’s NTFs forum, their property, so they have a right to moderate posts however their clan policy deems fitting. As a friend pointed out, my journal, my grounds: and the most offensive action that I’ve taken on NTFs forum, was reminding Rouge not to boast without something to boast about, and he wouldn’t be the first person to get that rudeness from me. Here, I speak my mind openly.

Another one of those toooo long days I’m afraid.

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In addition to lending thoughts to evil plans >_>, I’ve managed to get about 10 minutes driving in for the day (oi), but by a stroke of luck was able to get in an hours night driving! Because I have spent so many years in the dark, even drawing by nothing more then TV light, my night vision is very well developed. By now my eyes are probably closer to a cats then an average humans at night lol. I was able to see greater then 80-85% of normal when we were out, and that was about 95% of the time. In fact I could see better on the road tonight, than I can see during the day if I take my glasses off! My brain is a lot like a computer, one that can combine the visual samplings of what I see, what I’ve seen, and what can be gathered about what I can’t see, and interpolate the information creating a hybrid  mental image. I’ve been doing that for something like 14-16 years with a high level of precision :-|. Unlike in a video game (where I can’t see squat in the dark), in real life one (or at least I) can much more readily discern the depth involved. In a video game it’s like trying to walk through block of wall, in real life it’s a composite shadow, very different. Either that or my monitor sucks compared to the quality of my eyes <_<.

Also managed to hit SWAT 4 for a little bit in the evening, my thoughts can probably be best summed up as feuer frei. Although it is a strange thing not to admin-login on the server, it actually feels ‘good’ not to have to run crowd control every day… let the juniors do it more :-D. As WO1, I was generally stuck as “Admin on deck” because of the regulations [SAS] has on that stuff. Despite the fact that most of my gaming time has been on MW4 and GR lately, no real rust was found in my game play. In particular tonight, was a right and proper fuddle. I was assigned to get ready on a door while the other team secured the area, suspect popped it and I slammed it shut. When the the prick pushed it open again, I dropped the hammer: burst fired my MP5 taking him down, carried on into the room on mixtures of semi-automatic and burst-fire: popping a tango right, tango left, and then swiping to cover and engaging a fourth tango (from the right) as my backup man finally slid his butt into the room. It was almost a Chuck Norris moment lol.

One thing that I like immensely about my ‘new found freedom’, is since I am no longer an [SAS] member, I do not have to water down my technique or obey the SOPs: I can approach situations more like I would, if it was really happening. [SAS] tactics are strongly influenced by realism but are not entirely the same. I have ‘cringed’ for years on numerous spaces, but never been permitted to refine things. At best, usually pointed out that it’s the Captains job.

I also spent a portion of the day, discussing a bit about the C++ memory model. Personally I think it’s easier to do circled around a work station than over remote, but at least it’s a topic I have a fairly well developed knowledge base in.

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It has been a bit of a long day, but at least I managed to sleep an extra hour… lol. Today, I began work on my memoirs, most portions relating to 2004-2005 are sorted along with part of 2006, leaving the years 2007-2010 worth.

Been thinking a bit about the people I’ve met, and how they’ve impacted my life. I’ve encountered countless people, standing in the front line trenches all these years, and have developed some important relationships along the way. As my memoirs are reaching the time he was a recruit, I can’t help but look back, and see how far we’ve come since then, a certain friend and I. Man, 2006? Has it really been that dang long… feels like just yesterday, that we stood shoulder to shoulder in [SAS]’s service. My good right arm during his tenor, and a trusted friend through thick and thin, even after all these years. Some how, I’ve always known if we ended up in jail or something, he’d be the one sitting next to me, saying we screwed up, not the one to come bail me out lol.

Man, I feel old. It’s like feeling that I pre-date mountains o/. For how long I was an integral fixture in [SAS] life, and just a worker bee before that, I spent so many years there, I have seen mountains climb and tumble…. I am that old.

It’s a whole lotta history, and I can still see so much of it in my mind. I remember a friend, one much more recently developed, once asking if I “Forget anything”. Really, I rarely forget anything important: I might let things rest out of respect rather then bring it up again, but I that’s as close as I get. I can see the years behind me, like a trail of stepping stones in the cliff face.

A lot of people fairly close to me, don’t quite understand why I am ‘wasting’ time writing these memoirs, that at least, has been the widest consensus. Perhaps, no one can truly understand that, not without being inside my head; which isn’t an experience I’d recommend even if it were possible lol.

This was part of my life, an important one, even if much to voluminous in both those respects. I can look back down the trail, and see who I was when I came to [SAS], and see ahead further down the path to where I am going. It’s important for me, to be able to do that. I have always said, those who forget their history, tend to repeat it. I spent many years of my life, finding myself, and the paths one walks, reflects in part, who you are. It’s not us, who shapes are experiences, but our experiences who shapes us.

My life has been far from sweet flowers, it’s had plenty of hills and valleys to carve through; as I have said for years, when people ask “How are you” –> I’m still breathing, never known it to get better than that. Yet just the same, it has not been without it’s gems, those rare diamonds that make it worth the journey.

Tonight, I’m listening to one of my favourite songs, it’s one of the two songs that I once sang on [SAS] TeamSpeak; heh, wonder if JB remembers that :-P. I am, still after all these years, even able to remember the map I was playing on, the kit I was using. My brains just a huge hash table.

Most of the best moments in the past six or seven years, have all been around [SAS]. Perhaps that is a terrible thing (I truly think that it is), but it is also a wonderful thing. Just think,  how miserable a chapter it would have been, to have lived it solo.

You can’t walk forward, if you forget how to move your feet.

Best summary of why I resigned from [SAS]

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10:45:42) Malty: Spidey…I gotta ask tho, why didn’t you keep your Tags, and just resign your duties as WO
(10:46:36) Spidey01: My personal code of conduct does not allow me to hold a position that I’m unable to fulfill, even if it is my superiors who make it so.
(10:47:11) Malty: Yeah, but why not remain an SAS member, but just a trooper, or apply to be Vet or something
(10:48:11) Spidey01: That was the original plan drafted several weeks ago, Randoms attempt to stave it off yet still do nothing, changes the equation
(10:48:16) Spidey01: s/changes/changed/
(10:48:45) Malty: Ahh ok..
(10:49:03) Spidey01: and if you don’t mind, I think I’d like to post this little excert on my journal as a summery of my ‘why’, lol
(10:49:51) Malty: yeah sure
(10:49:55) Spidey01: thanks
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The past couple of days, I’ve been thinking about how best to go about writing my memoirs. I’ve known [SAS] since 2004, with my entry to the selection course being 2005-08-07 and my completion of the Selection Course being 2005-09-14. So it has been a long time, lol.

I’ve long planned to write some form of memoir about my times in [SAS], to be published posthumously, after retirement, expulsion, or forced resignation. Both being someone who hears or sees just about everything, and having been placed in positions of power, I know a considerable some about [SAS]. My ethical code on the other hand, ensures that what is trusted secret, remains on until death. People have often told me thngs in confidence, and although I have few secrets of my own, I never will violate those of others. However much of my life and times in [SAS], are not classified material: but instead something you can only learn by having been there, or through someone who was there first hand. That’s what my memoirs will contain: a reminiscence of my experiences there.

What’s weighed on my mind, is more so the effort of writing them then for the contents. I’ve always decided on most of the omissions, for obvious reasons that I’m both morally and honour bound to make about [SAS] internal affairs. The finished materal will of course end up on my journal, in one form or another. Odds are I’ll either write it in gdocs, or I’ll expand my XSL stylesheet for the occasion and mate it with a macro pre processor. I have stylesheets that allow me to write in DocBook, then convert to forum or blog posts as desired; but it doesn’t (at this time) handle interlinked footnotes/references as well as I desire.

Damn it, I feel old….

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So far, I’ve been adjusting well to life outside of [SAS]. The only thing that irks me, is still being unable to access my forum account. It was finally unsuspended a couple days ago, but it is still impossible to log in. I’ve e-mailed the webmaster about it two days ago, and again today since there was no response; just now, I’ve even sent a more detailed debugging analysis to aid the ‘webmaster’.

There’s no way that I can reply to any threads in Chit Chat or Clan Topics, until my account is in proper working order. Unlike certain people (gives Snipe and Ithen the evil eye), I don’t believe in setting up other accounts unless necessary.

Just about everything of real interest on the [SAS] Forum, lives in the NCOs part of the board, but at least the Publicly accessible forum provides an avenue to stay in touch. That’s principally why I registered, and visit NTFs public forum regularly.

This one’s just for the geeks…

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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must work in Information Technology” says the balloonist.

“I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well” says the balloonist, “Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”

The man below says, “You must work in business.”

“I do” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
 — Business Partners

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Sometimes trying to figure out ways to make others laugh for a few moments, is a good way to spend an afternoon.

Threading upon years of memories

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I’ve just completed the first round of cleaning $HOME, like any chronic organizer / pack rat / cataloger, over the years I have accumulated large quantities of files. ~/Documents/SAS and ~/Projects/SAS alone were over 100 megs, and I had *thinned* them out last year, by purging many old files. I still have almost 5 GB of files saved else wheres but most of it can either be digitally shredded or kept, like the sources to the SAS skins.

I’m really not sure what to do with the SAS Skins from SWAT 4:TSS. I have backups of everything from that project: texture sources, installation files, and finished product. That goes for both the old version 2 skin and the current version 3 skins.  The SAS skins were never officially adapted by GCHQ, so in real effect, they effectively go with me… lol. Although the download links will go dead, I’ll gladly give a copy of of the installer to any [SAS] Member or Recruit who requests them. I also have a copy of Dukes skin saved.

My own skin, will likely continue on with the next version of it having the [SAS] elements removed.

Most of the files that I’ve elected to keep, are either moments like Miles’ scorecard, or old software manuals (I never throw out manuals lol). For right now, I still have some of my old lesson plans, even one dated June 2006! That would place it during the June 5th to September 9th period that I held the rank of Lance Corporal. Perhaps I’ll hang on the my lesson plans, or I’ll burn them, not sure just yet.

So many files, so many memories. It has often been my way to keep detailed records, or at least enough to reconstruct ones from memory. With my iron clad memory, or as a friend once posed it, “Dont u forget anything??”, I can remember much about how many of these files came to be. So for me personally, there is a lot of history here… even if now, much of it gets the PC equivalent of a being thrown into a lit fireplace.

A few of the files that I have archived, such as those pertaining to the [SAS] admin team and server management, will be handed over to GCHQ before I shred them: thus giving [SAS] the only versions of those files. Whatever the required level of paranoia about former admins in [SAS] is in the post James situation, I’m a fully ethical one. In however many years I was involved with the [SAS] Admin Team, I have always operated honestly and professionally. The trust that was placed in me, was never miss used: to the point that GCHQ often expressed signs of exasperation over the e-paper work this added into the loop. Things that I was given standing orders for sorting, or that fell upon my own scope, I took care of autonomously and reported the actions as necessary: most things however, being deemed (by me, to be) outside my authority as merely an admin, were first OK’d through GCHQ, except when emergency response required otherwise. I wonder just how many memos I did send… hahaha.

I have a personal code, that dictates the way I conduct myself, and I break it for no one.

Chuckle of the day, 2010-04-28

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(15:49:34) dkg: I hereby conclude, however reluctantly, that you take things too seriously.
(15:49:40) dkg: EOF
(15:49:42) Spidey01: lol
(15:50:00) Spidey01: Thank you for the laugh of my day, may I blog this? 😀
(15:50:13) dkg: I’d be flattered 😛
(15:50:41) Spidey01: thx xD