Captain's Log Supplemental

After giving up on trying to go back to sleep, I loaded the computer back up, so I could at least have some music; only for the radio stream to be on the fritz. At least I was able to catch the morning show :-/.

Except for a few minor interruptions, I basically spent 7-8 hours staring at a computer screen.  Just looking at the list of options for most of it, my limbs still hurt from the lack of motion. I’ve compiled every possibility, I’ve run the math more times than I can count, it all sucks. The deadline to action off an answer passes in tee minus twelve days.

Waited to find out whether or not today’s opportunity for driving would get shurked like yesterdays plans, or if ma would be cooperative. It sucks to have to computate that for hours on end. That’s how you turn a mood a few shades of colour. After a bit of pushing, it finally happened. Today’s time brings me up to 25.25 hours out of the required 40… if I could just get a little more than an hour a day, it would be possible. More likely I’ll have a bit over 3 hours across this entire week, all *7* days, and that’s double a normal week, fml… that’s counting whatever happens Friday, assuming it happens, plus errands.

Applying proper weight to things, stresses life until a point where it’s just a question of who gets a stroke first: me or my mother. Leaving snoring beasts be, things just inch forward like snails going up a hill. I’ve nothing to do but think, think, and think. Nothing.

Was given the equation today, that there’s resources enough for three more fill ups this month. I ran the numbers in my head, roughly 20mpg on a 13+ gal tank with the family Ford, usually filled up around half a tank, so say just under 6gal of petrol per fill up times three. That’s well over 300 miles worth of fuel and there are 5 days work remaining for the whole fucking month of June. That leaves over 200 miles of resources free for the month. All she has to do for effort is sit in the damn passenger seat, does that really take so much energy? Even worse than that, I margined like 15-20% for errors in my already conservative figures. Most of the areas that surround where we live can be reached for just over a gal. of petrol or two, ffs. Whatever she doesn’t spend on fuel out of her gas money will just get pissed away some other way, I know her to well, it won’t roll over into any savings or next months use. I figured that driving range in about as much time as it takes to cover 60-70m at a rate of 55 miles an hour, it take longer to figure how long it took than it takes to have figured out.

In the mean time, I get to go stir fucking crazy thinking about it. I take failure about as kindly as a Navy SEAL. How many more years???

I reckon June 20th is as good a deadline to set for it, as any other date.

Nothing to do except stare at walls… until her royal pain wakes up, and expects to be waited on hand and foot.

I’ve been in a miserable mood all day, the kind of mood where you just wish you could sink through your chair and never be heard from or seen from again. Aside from being dragged out on occasional errands, I’ve been cooped up here since Friday, and I ran out of stuff to get done back on Thursday. Everything else has been just busy work.

There is nothing to do until Tuesday, absolutely *_nothing_* !! Except wait on a royal pain of a mother hand and foot, while cleaning up after the dogs o/. That’s it. Other wise I may as well be passing time, staring at the **************ing ceiling. On top of that Tuesday will be a total wash out as well, if HRP doesn’t cooperate with the road time.

Tried several sets of exercises while the dog was napping, and almost set a new personal speed record – from when I was still in great shape! I’m going stir crazy. What next, slamming my head into walls, or pacing the room like a caged animal?

So far I’ve tried to fill the day with sessions of Ghost Recon & Urban Terror, even tried a little F.E.A.R. before finally installing Quake IV. It’s not even a challenge: about two hours into the game and I’m almost half way through the third or forth chapter :-/.  I haven’t even been taking the game seriously. Once you’ve beaten a game on the super human settings, they just don’t put you through the paces on the more normal settings, even if you have played them in ages. I’ve beaten most of the games that I own on the maximum difficulty settings over the years, from FEAR/Quakes you’d have to be insane all the way to several bouts of Halo on legendary (fun). What CoDs I own, I’ve beaten several times on the maximum difficultly/no recovery levels, it’s boring. What next, load up Hell Revealed, and set it to it to Nightmare mode? There’s so many daemons to slay on those maps even w/o respawns, that it’s almost a chore to sweep the maps clean.

The only thing that’s been a challenge lately is UrT, because it combines years and years of core skills (typical tdm) with too many years of close quarter tactics. The damage model is such that to master Urban Terror, you have got to get GOOD at accurate shooting under pressure, and you’ve got to be ready to fuse the old skills of a QuakeWhore with room entry techniques.  The failure drill is the almighty standard of survival in that game. When respawns occur every 3s, it’s not even that important, unless you want to win.

Been playing video games since I was in diapers, it’s become rare to ever find a game that is really hard. I don’t even bother to memorise things, I just take it fresh through each time. On the odd chance I get sth new, it’s rarely able to put me through my paces. The only saving grace is multiplayer.

There’s just nothing left to do… :-/ I can practically feel my brain boiling. Being idle drives me out of my skull, I’m the type that has to always be working on something, ffs I would end up polishing door knobs or painting ceilings if I ever had to ‘retire’.

*slams head into a support wall*

I’ll never understand why some periods of time, feel several times more exhausting then they should…

What part of asking “How far it is” and being told “The default route is …”, is so damn confusing about the possibility of multiple routes?

Honestly how stupid is my family.