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It has been a bit of a long day, but at least I managed to sleep an extra hour… lol. Today, I began work on my memoirs, most portions relating to 2004-2005 are sorted along with part of 2006, leaving the years 2007-2010 worth.

Been thinking a bit about the people I’ve met, and how they’ve impacted my life. I’ve encountered countless people, standing in the front line trenches all these years, and have developed some important relationships along the way. As my memoirs are reaching the time he was a recruit, I can’t help but look back, and see how far we’ve come since then, a certain friend and I. Man, 2006? Has it really been that dang long… feels like just yesterday, that we stood shoulder to shoulder in [SAS]’s service. My good right arm during his tenor, and a trusted friend through thick and thin, even after all these years. Some how, I’ve always known if we ended up in jail or something, he’d be the one sitting next to me, saying we screwed up, not the one to come bail me out lol.

Man, I feel old. It’s like feeling that I pre-date mountains o/. For how long I was an integral fixture in [SAS] life, and just a worker bee before that, I spent so many years there, I have seen mountains climb and tumble…. I am that old.

It’s a whole lotta history, and I can still see so much of it in my mind. I remember a friend, one much more recently developed, once asking if I “Forget anything”. Really, I rarely forget anything important: I might let things rest out of respect rather then bring it up again, but I that’s as close as I get. I can see the years behind me, like a trail of stepping stones in the cliff face.

A lot of people fairly close to me, don’t quite understand why I am ‘wasting’ time writing these memoirs, that at least, has been the widest consensus. Perhaps, no one can truly understand that, not without being inside my head; which isn’t an experience I’d recommend even if it were possible lol.

This was part of my life, an important one, even if much to voluminous in both those respects. I can look back down the trail, and see who I was when I came to [SAS], and see ahead further down the path to where I am going. It’s important for me, to be able to do that. I have always said, those who forget their history, tend to repeat it. I spent many years of my life, finding myself, and the paths one walks, reflects in part, who you are. It’s not us, who shapes are experiences, but our experiences who shapes us.

My life has been far from sweet flowers, it’s had plenty of hills and valleys to carve through; as I have said for years, when people ask “How are you” –> I’m still breathing, never known it to get better than that. Yet just the same, it has not been without it’s gems, those rare diamonds that make it worth the journey.

Tonight, I’m listening to one of my favourite songs, it’s one of the two songs that I once sang on [SAS] TeamSpeak; heh, wonder if JB remembers that :-P. I am, still after all these years, even able to remember the map I was playing on, the kit I was using. My brains just a huge hash table.

Most of the best moments in the past six or seven years, have all been around [SAS]. Perhaps that is a terrible thing (I truly think that it is), but it is also a wonderful thing. Just think,  how miserable a chapter it would have been, to have lived it solo.

You can’t walk forward, if you forget how to move your feet.

Best summary of why I resigned from [SAS]

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10:45:42) Malty: Spidey…I gotta ask tho, why didn’t you keep your Tags, and just resign your duties as WO
(10:46:36) Spidey01: My personal code of conduct does not allow me to hold a position that I’m unable to fulfill, even if it is my superiors who make it so.
(10:47:11) Malty: Yeah, but why not remain an SAS member, but just a trooper, or apply to be Vet or something
(10:48:11) Spidey01: That was the original plan drafted several weeks ago, Randoms attempt to stave it off yet still do nothing, changes the equation
(10:48:16) Spidey01: s/changes/changed/
(10:48:45) Malty: Ahh ok..
(10:49:03) Spidey01: and if you don’t mind, I think I’d like to post this little excert on my journal as a summery of my ‘why’, lol
(10:49:51) Malty: yeah sure
(10:49:55) Spidey01: thanks
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The past couple of days, I’ve been thinking about how best to go about writing my memoirs. I’ve known [SAS] since 2004, with my entry to the selection course being 2005-08-07 and my completion of the Selection Course being 2005-09-14. So it has been a long time, lol.

I’ve long planned to write some form of memoir about my times in [SAS], to be published posthumously, after retirement, expulsion, or forced resignation. Both being someone who hears or sees just about everything, and having been placed in positions of power, I know a considerable some about [SAS]. My ethical code on the other hand, ensures that what is trusted secret, remains on until death. People have often told me thngs in confidence, and although I have few secrets of my own, I never will violate those of others. However much of my life and times in [SAS], are not classified material: but instead something you can only learn by having been there, or through someone who was there first hand. That’s what my memoirs will contain: a reminiscence of my experiences there.

What’s weighed on my mind, is more so the effort of writing them then for the contents. I’ve always decided on most of the omissions, for obvious reasons that I’m both morally and honour bound to make about [SAS] internal affairs. The finished materal will of course end up on my journal, in one form or another. Odds are I’ll either write it in gdocs, or I’ll expand my XSL stylesheet for the occasion and mate it with a macro pre processor. I have stylesheets that allow me to write in DocBook, then convert to forum or blog posts as desired; but it doesn’t (at this time) handle interlinked footnotes/references as well as I desire.

Damn it, I feel old….

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So far, I’ve been adjusting well to life outside of [SAS]. The only thing that irks me, is still being unable to access my forum account. It was finally unsuspended a couple days ago, but it is still impossible to log in. I’ve e-mailed the webmaster about it two days ago, and again today since there was no response; just now, I’ve even sent a more detailed debugging analysis to aid the ‘webmaster’.

There’s no way that I can reply to any threads in Chit Chat or Clan Topics, until my account is in proper working order. Unlike certain people (gives Snipe and Ithen the evil eye), I don’t believe in setting up other accounts unless necessary.

Just about everything of real interest on the [SAS] Forum, lives in the NCOs part of the board, but at least the Publicly accessible forum provides an avenue to stay in touch. That’s principally why I registered, and visit NTFs public forum regularly.

This one’s just for the geeks…

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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must work in Information Technology” says the balloonist.

“I do” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well” says the balloonist, “Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”

The man below says, “You must work in business.”

“I do” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
 — Business Partners

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Sometimes trying to figure out ways to make others laugh for a few moments, is a good way to spend an afternoon.

Threading upon years of memories

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I’ve just completed the first round of cleaning $HOME, like any chronic organizer / pack rat / cataloger, over the years I have accumulated large quantities of files. ~/Documents/SAS and ~/Projects/SAS alone were over 100 megs, and I had *thinned* them out last year, by purging many old files. I still have almost 5 GB of files saved else wheres but most of it can either be digitally shredded or kept, like the sources to the SAS skins.

I’m really not sure what to do with the SAS Skins from SWAT 4:TSS. I have backups of everything from that project: texture sources, installation files, and finished product. That goes for both the old version 2 skin and the current version 3 skins.  The SAS skins were never officially adapted by GCHQ, so in real effect, they effectively go with me… lol. Although the download links will go dead, I’ll gladly give a copy of of the installer to any [SAS] Member or Recruit who requests them. I also have a copy of Dukes skin saved.

My own skin, will likely continue on with the next version of it having the [SAS] elements removed.

Most of the files that I’ve elected to keep, are either moments like Miles’ scorecard, or old software manuals (I never throw out manuals lol). For right now, I still have some of my old lesson plans, even one dated June 2006! That would place it during the June 5th to September 9th period that I held the rank of Lance Corporal. Perhaps I’ll hang on the my lesson plans, or I’ll burn them, not sure just yet.

So many files, so many memories. It has often been my way to keep detailed records, or at least enough to reconstruct ones from memory. With my iron clad memory, or as a friend once posed it, “Dont u forget anything??”, I can remember much about how many of these files came to be. So for me personally, there is a lot of history here… even if now, much of it gets the PC equivalent of a being thrown into a lit fireplace.

A few of the files that I have archived, such as those pertaining to the [SAS] admin team and server management, will be handed over to GCHQ before I shred them: thus giving [SAS] the only versions of those files. Whatever the required level of paranoia about former admins in [SAS] is in the post James situation, I’m a fully ethical one. In however many years I was involved with the [SAS] Admin Team, I have always operated honestly and professionally. The trust that was placed in me, was never miss used: to the point that GCHQ often expressed signs of exasperation over the e-paper work this added into the loop. Things that I was given standing orders for sorting, or that fell upon my own scope, I took care of autonomously and reported the actions as necessary: most things however, being deemed (by me, to be) outside my authority as merely an admin, were first OK’d through GCHQ, except when emergency response required otherwise. I wonder just how many memos I did send… hahaha.

I have a personal code, that dictates the way I conduct myself, and I break it for no one.

Chuckle of the day, 2010-04-28

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(15:49:34) dkg: I hereby conclude, however reluctantly, that you take things too seriously.
(15:49:40) dkg: EOF
(15:49:42) Spidey01: lol
(15:50:00) Spidey01: Thank you for the laugh of my day, may I blog this? 😀
(15:50:13) dkg: I’d be flattered 😛
(15:50:41) Spidey01: thx xD

Thoughts on life outside of [SAS]

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Since the last card in the hand I was dealt, has finally landed, I reckon it’s time to plot the course where I’ll go from here.

Game wise, whenever I play Raven Shield or SWAT 4, my primary stomping grounds will likely remain the [SAS] servers, because they’re the best servers you’ll find anywhere. Sometimes I visit other clans servers, but usually it’s ones I’m friendly with or when ours are having an outage. One of the things I have always liked about being in clans and friends with various clans, people know your name when you setup roots: and I have roots here. Before joining SW years and years ago during my MW4 career, I maintained friendly relationships with much of SW, OTC, and the leadership of the GSA branches of CGB and CSV. Even after becoming a Shadow Warrior, I kept those up, when possible even continuing to the present. Like wise that goes for most people who have passed through [SAS], I’ve kept up contact with many of them over the years, especially those closest to me. Most memorable people to cross our servers these past years, have known me in some form.

How much I’ll play of either game, I dunno. There is now less to weigh me down, so I can play more freely, and I can also work more as needed. I don’t plan to become a stranger though.

Really, I feel naked without my uniform: no more SAS_Rank_Spidey01 written all over the place. Obviously I have some things to change :-/. Spidey01 however is and always has been my name. Formal clan prefixes of DEx and [SAS]_Rank, having been groups close enough to my heart, to become a virtual part of my identity. On the other hand, being the *intelligent* sort of person, most of my stuff doesn’t revolve around [SAS]. For example my IM usernames don’t reference SAS, this has been a conscious decision from the vary start (cica 2005). The idea being, that my IM would become known, and if should anything ever happen, changing it would be a major pain: so I’ve avoided it all these years. Except for FreeNode, which now comes back to bite me in the arse lol. On the upside, I don’t have to constantly remind myself to omit the ’01’ in RvS!

 Most of the changes are trivial, updating signatures, shredding old files, closing old photo albums, and so on. The main gripe is waiting for my forum account to be returned to me.

On the subject of military tactics and their applications, I started learning about such things around 1995, and joined [SAS] during a chapter of my life, where I wished to focus in on close quarters combat. It remains to be seen, whether I’ll continue my studies, there really isn’t much more I can learn without firing an MP5, but it is a chapter of my life that I’ll never forget.

I’m still gonna be found naturally stacking up on doors lol.

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In a couple days, several [SAS] members will find a copy of my various contact data in their email, to help stay in touch.